[ENFP] ENFPs accidentally offending people?

[Anja]

There you are, Evan, and what I was thinking also. I suspect when folks are celebrating the personal guardian of "Think First" takes a holiday as well. That's why we get some posters coming back the second day and saying things like, "I was only kidding." or "I was distracted just then."

Perhaps that's a reason, as well, for the apparent fluctuations in style that some have here.

Two other thoughts. The comment about "evoking" feelings in others. My thought on this is that a person deliberately attempting to disrupt my flow of thought or affect my mood state is a nuisance, indeed. And only that.

That's the second thought - the comment about an ENFP deliberately attempting to irritate and how strongly unpleasant it feels when that happens. I wonder if it isn't because of the need for "connection" that NFPs need than makes it especially a personal shirtsleeve tug at another.

All said I think most healthy ENFPs thrive on being liked and accepted by people and wisely avoid purposeful attempts to irritate others.

 

[niffer]

It's happened to me a few times in the past, but I've learned to be more careful.

 

[LunaIndigo]

I generally do censor myself in a way but it depends on the person I guess. There are some people I know that I don't like offending or rocking the boat and others I don't really care and will say what I have to say. When meeting new people or starting a new class in school I censor myself until I'm comfortable with the people I'm around and then I never shut up.

I used to be really paranoid about offending people but I've calmed down a lot in that department in the recent years.

 

[Rogue]

I offend people ALL the time!! LOL! I am So paranoid about it too!!

 

[Anja]

So, the concensus seems to be that ENFPs can easily offend people?

If so, I am wondering why that may be. Certainly many of the other types speak before thinking. What might the difference be?

 

[Lady_X]

truth turrets

 

[LunaIndigo]

So, the concensus seems to be that ENFPs can easily offend people?

If so, I am wondering why that may be. Certainly many of the other types speak before thinking. What might the difference be?

I can't speak for everyone, but I know that my filter doesn't work half the time, and if a thought pops into my head and I feel that it is so amazing and needs to be shared I'll blurt it out with out thinking.

 

[Rogue]

I can't speak for everyone, but I know that my filter doesn't work half the time, and if a thought pops into my head and I feel that it is so amazing and needs to be shared I'll blurt it out with out thinking.

That sounds exactly like me and my filter! There is no stopping the thought!!

 

[Nillerz]

I used to do it constantly, I'm a bit more normalized now.

 

[Rachelinpa]

So, the concensus seems to be that ENFPs can easily offend people?

I think the point is more that we care about the offenses we make... or have potentially made...

 

[Sarcasticus]

My ex-GF was guilty of this. Mostly she just baffled 'S' type people with her zany, absurd sense of humor. But occasionally she'll lob out a raunchy remark that would offend someone.

Many hours of amusement watching people react to her.

 

[Lady_X]

i think this is hilarious...and i think we have the inclination for sure to just say whatever pops into our head...and we can choose to use the filter or not...and sometimes it's really hard...if there's a lot of feeling behind it...or if you're cocktailed

 

[hard_rain]

I have a tendency to say things without thinking...which can often times lead people to think I'm either prying or just a complete idiot. The truth is, I just get enthusiastic or excited about things. When I'm comfortable around people, I don't feel a need to censor myself. I just say the first thing that pops to my head.

My main problem with this comes about when I'm trying to have a serious conversation. When people who don't know me very well start talking about something more in-depth, they assume I won't have anything insightful to say, when the truth is usually quite the opposite.

 

[LunaIndigo]

Another thing that happens to me is when I actually decide to filter something and not say it, it becomes stifling to keep it in. Like I start figiting and I have to fight myself to not say it. You almost implode depending on what you want to say. Does that happen to anyone else? Because in my head it would fit perfectly in the current conversation but I know that it wouldn't be appropriate.

This doesn't happen for obvious reasons...

 

[Rachelinpa]

Another thing that happens to me is when I actually decide to filter something and not say it, it becomes stifling to keep it in. Like I start figiting and I have to fight myself to not say it. You almost implode depending on what you want to say. Does that happen to anyone else? Because in my head it would fit perfectly in the current conversation but I know that it wouldn't be appropriate.

This doesn't happen for obvious reasons...

Yeah, but I've gotten used to it. I don't share half the stuff I think and eventually I get tired of holding it all in and let loose. Fortunately, most people think it's amusing. If I had formerly been quiet around them (generally a result of not knowing them very well), they usually say, "I didn't realize you were so funny!"

I'm glad they think it's funny instead of mean because usually it's both.

 

[Anja]

truth turrets

Will you say more, erin? :hi:

 

[Lady_X]

^^^ YES
i'm just aware that my initial response is way more personal and truthful then is actually warranted or considered normal...so i try to filter...and when i don't i get those looks...and the wow your weird!!
anyone who has ever known me a tiny bit has told me that at some point...and i'm pretty sure that is why...although i like to think they mean it in the cute charming way...but i really have no idea...haha
other people just don't say shit like that...i don't think...do they??

 

[Anja]

Thanks. I get that.

I tend to do the same - connect with people. And that makes some people uncomfortable.

I can't NOT connect with others. Way I'm built. So that involves learning a lot about boundaries and trying to implement it.

 

[Ghost of the dead horse]

^^^ YES
i'm just aware that my initial response is way more personal and truthful then is actually warranted or considered normal...

Truthful with another truth system than the subject is likely to hold, too.

 

[Twixt]

I have a tendency to say things without thinking...which can often times lead people to think I'm either prying or just a complete idiot. The truth is, I just get enthusiastic or excited about things. When I'm comfortable around people, I don't feel a need to censor myself. I just say the first thing that pops to my head.

Another thing that happens to me is when I actually decide to filter something and not say it, it becomes stifling to keep it in. Like I start figiting and I have to fight myself to not say it. You almost implode depending on what you want to say. Does that happen to anyone else? Because in my head it would fit perfectly in the current conversation but I know that it wouldn't be appropriate.

had formerly been quiet around them (generally a result of not knowing them very well)

my initial response is way more personal and truthful then is actually warranted or considered normal...so i try to filter

^ I can identify with all of those!!!

I generally do censor myself in a way but it depends on the person I guess. There are some people I know that I don't like offending or rocking the boat and others I don't really care and will say what I have to say. When meeting new people or starting a new class in school I censor myself until I'm comfortable with the people I'm around and then I never shut up.

I used to be really paranoid about offending people but I've calmed down a lot in that department in the recent years.

^ This is totally me. I was wondering if i was indeed paranoid but judging by the replies from here I don't think I am paranoid... Because it seems ENFPs (or at least I) have a offend people if I'm not careful.

I hate stifling something i want to say but it is, I'm 99% sure, always worth it!! Anyway even if I don't say something at that moment I can always find another time to say it, if i decide it still needs to be said.

My thought on this is that a person deliberately attempting to disrupt my flow of thought or affect my mood state is a nuisance, indeed.

I think I'm guilty of this. The 'evoking feelings' thing. Though I've learnt (and am still practicing at this) to let people finish their own thoughts and feelings, before I can ask about them.
Generally when I let people say all they need (finish their thoughts/feelings), the conversation goes quite nicely because people then feel a tad more open to what I'm saying/asking. And its nice to hear what they think/feel and why