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[INFJ] What does it feel like to be an INFJ?

infinfj65

New member
Joined
Jun 7, 2017
Messages
9
MBTI Type
INFJ
What is your experience in being an INFJ? What is it like in mind, inner world, etc? How do you experience intuition (is it natrual and automatic?) Empathy and reading people? What is it like conversing with someone? Do you come off serious or happy? (Or a combination of both?) How long can you do crowds and what do you feel when in one? What is it like when your walking through nature or a city? How do you experience great music and art?

Anything else you would like to share would e awesome. Thanks in advance.
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
Staff member
Joined
May 31, 2009
Messages
14,497
MBTI Type
INFJ
I think for me, I tend to observe first before engaging. In the past, I've projected a blank enough canvas for people that they come away with wildly different impressions of me, even though internally, I'm fairly opinionated and not doormatty or bland. As I've gotten older, I've started trying to let more of my distinguishing features be apparent sooner rather than trying to only show the parts that people really respond to obviously or vibe with. I think that help kind of eliminate some of the more domineering or needy people with whom there is not much possibility of having an equal back and forth kind of interaction. In the past, I accommodated a lot and didn't show the parts where we had differences unless I was really comfortable and it led to people getting an inaccurate impression or me being stuck with people around me who were not as accommodating of or interested in me as I was willing to be with them.

Over time, I've noticed that in social situations, I tend to look for a role that's not being filled, and try to cover it. I don't feel comfortable in a group setting when I don't know what I'm contributing or where I fit in and usually will try to leave it when that is the case. So I probably act somewhat differently depending on what the situation calls for. I like working with people, but dislike group work or group decisions. I'd prefer to trailblaze something new, than fit into a model or way of doing things that's well established or must be done in a way that doesn't allow for creativity or personalization. I dress conventionally, but with little quirks here and there.

Mostly I'm serious and earnest, although warm, but when I'm really comfortable around people, I am funnier, blunter, and share more things that I'm not as sure about. I'm fairly social, and actually need others to help me process my thoughts, but also like some down time here and there. I'm easy-going and considerate in many senses, but in other patches am kind of inflexible and socially clumsy in little ways where I don't notice details.

Most of my interests are driven by how they relate to people - I don't seem to be driven by a lot of pursuits just for the love of that thing. I like that other people can allow me to experience myself in different ways - get me to try things I normally wouldn't, or to enjoy music or literature or food in a way I wouldn't have without the addition of emotional connection, to bring out parts of me that are not called for all the time... I am motivated by how others will be affected if I do or don't do something, and by figuring out patterns in human interaction and figuring out what that means for me or what principles I can extract that would be useful for others. I rarely remember specific details well, unless I make a very conscious effort to do so for a certain purpose. However, I find that I can easily take a lot of seemingly diverse bits and pieces and mulch them together into a new insight or idea that others wouldn't be likely to come up with. I rely on my more Se and Ne and Si and Te friends though to fill in the gaps that I have.

As I've gotten older, I am less prevention oriented than I used to be and maybe a bit more flexible. I prefer to interact when I'm not in the throes of strong emotion and feel like I have a birds-eye view of the situation before saying anything rash. However, I think I'm learning that it's better to be more up front about my feelings and needs earlier so that I do not accommodate and then suddenly be surprised by how resentful I feel or how lop-sided an interchange has become. That can be done not in a reactive way, but just by being more open at the beginning about what I'm thinking, or how I'd like to do something, rather than expecting people to know or reciprocate thoughtfulness. I generally find that I'm a look down the road person, who is interested in the implications of certain thoughts or actions, and am surprised when other people are not, or truly can't see what is likely to happen in the future in certain situations. I value consistency in others and become somewhat mistrustful of people that behave in ways that don't seem to match up somehow. I trust people a bit at a time, which I think has generally allowed me to be fairly optimistic about people in general because I don't get burned a lot. I definitely have blind spots, but learn from experience and most things are not wasted. Having tried to do things "the right way" though, I probably am not as funny or interesting as people who throw caution to the wind. I do tend to attract strange people and children a lot. Like if there's a crowd of people, they'd single me out and greet me or strike up conversation. I think my thoughts are fairly visible on my face and I'm just enough curious about people that I seem a bit open. As I've gotten older, that seems to be something that I can better close off though when I don't want some kinds of people to feel free to approach me, or don't want to indulge them by carrying on a conversation.

I don't mind crowds, but don't like social gatherings where there is no opportunity for meaningful conversation, or engagement where I feel akin to someone or have a role where I know what is expected. I get frustrated sometimes when people do not give off enough cues, or give conflicting ones, so that I do not know where I stand with them so that I can decide how to proceed. I don't take things as personally as I used to, but I think I probably lean towards being more easily embarrassed and taking less chances socially than I could. I've improved in that and am more likely to approach people now than I used to, understanding that if I'm not their cup of tea, it's not a statement about my worth as a person and could be due to a variety of valid factors and that I've missed out on a lot of friendships, and on people seeing me accurately because I have been too passive.

I kind of am a cyclical thinker who wants to figure things out, rather than seeking out what's new and novel. I tend to rely on people around me to contribute novelty and diversity of ideas into the mix. I'm good at getting people to see themselves in a different way or inspiring them to have confidence in themselves, but am less able to look at what I'm working with and deciding how to put it to novel and optimal use or develop people's talents in a way that is personalized to their specific skill set and needs at that moment or to their level of willingness to make any changes.

I'm generous, a bit messy, cautious, maternal (even though I'm not that interested in coochy cooing babies and toddlers and don't have kids of my own), family oriented, approximate, abstract, practical about some things, both emotional and a bit removed, not a huge risk taker, independent, devoted, sensitive, stubborn...
 

cascadeco

New member
Joined
Oct 7, 2007
Messages
9,083
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
What is your experience in being an INFJ? What is it like in mind, inner world, etc? How do you experience intuition (is it natrual and automatic?) Empathy and reading people? What is it like conversing with someone? Do you come off serious or happy? (Or a combination of both?) How long can you do crowds and what do you feel when in one? What is it like when your walking through nature or a city? How do you experience great music and art?

Anything else you would like to share would e awesome. Thanks in advance.

Just for starters - I am not a super feeler-y woman, at least compared to a lot of women. So in terms of dichotomy my F is not very strong - though I do believe I probably have a slight preference for F. So, that's going to make me a little different from INFJ's with strong F.

----------

My relationship with intuition has to do with seeing longer term implications, projecting things outwards, it ties to probability and liklihood of things happening. I don't believe or relate to the 'mystical' notion tied to what is often cited for INFJ's, as if it came from nowhere. I think most things, even if subconcious, are tied to a slew of things that have been built up over time, conscious or not, data and patterns and piecing (or projecting outcomes) things based on all of this myriad of information. What might seem like a crazy hunch iow could be traced to all of these data points - if able to actually do the tracing or wanting to bother with doing it. So for me I think any assessment of 'this is going to happen' or 'this is most likely what the issue is' is an instantaneous assessment which might take forever to explain adequately but really is the result of lots of stuff.

Empathy and reading people. I think I read people well. I think I have empathy for those I feel truly deserve it; or those truly in pain, suffering, whatnot. I guess you could argue everyone on some level 'deserves' empathy, but as I've aged I've become less and less prone to automatically do so. [Also I should say - I never *have* automatically dished it out to everyone. As I don't actually think everyone deserves it or even is reachable. And, let's face it, people ultimately need to help themselves / know within themselves that some change is needed; one could 'empathize' for years with someone who in the end is going to keep on keeping on with their life patterns. ] I used to try to see other peoples pov more or even bend over backwards and in effect destroy my own self as a means of trying to accommodate someone else or out of thinking I was probably the one at fault (or whatever) - but my tolerance for b.s. has been honed and I find I don't have a huge amount of empathy or sympathy for a lot of people who demand things of others or who quite frankly are just not very nice people. And, I am much, much more likely in recent years to push my own needs forward and assert those vs when younger. Thus, I don't 'accommodate' nearly as much as I used to. I guess I've been jaded by, well, people who suck. haha. I grow weary of people who feel entitled to things or who are just completely unaware or uncaring about how they treat others or how they just seem to be in a world where everything revolves around them - it's like a lack of awareness of everything and everyone else. (This perspective is tainted by working in the service industry).

How am I conversing with people? Well that will 100% depend on the person I'm interacting with. I gel easily and effortlessly with some people; with others there is less in common / I sense we have very little common ground and how I will come across with those people will be very different. I don't know that there's a single way I 'am' with people; however generally I'm more serious than not, and more melancholic than happy (though when I'm happy or excited about something it's very obvious/ contrasting with my 'norm'). If you put me in a room with 100 random people, I'll be very uncomfortable and the odds are very high convo will be awkward with the bulk of them. With the rare few, convo is great and flows (though I'm never the monologuer - I tend to ask questions, add commentary, and so on). When I had corporate jobs I was able to communicate well, was known for that, and was known for being diplomatic. I knew how to convey things or speak to people without really ruffling feathers. I never had relational issues/drama in these jobs; could avoid those fairly easily.

Crowds? Eh. I don't really go to crowd events; I haven't been to a concert in years, haven't been to a movie theater in years, don't go to sporting events... I'm ok 'disappearing' into a crowd - like, say, when traveling and exploring a different city or country, just being a part of the rest of the thousands or millions... I guess lots of people around me who are dispersed or walking along the street is fine, but me wedged in a crowd? bleh. haha. Lots of people on hiking trails really annoy me, though -- this is partly because a) I am in nature to be away from everyone / actually be in *nature*, and b) The vast majority of hikers, especially if hiking in a group, are really loud and obnoxious and a good number of them are completely ignorant and disrespectful of nature, sometimes to the extreme of trashing it, and that make me furious. So I really really try to seek out lesser-traveled trails because of all of this.

There are so many caveats I could add to pretty much everything I wrote above, as I don't think there's a 'this is how I always am' way of being for me -- but I'll stick with that. Also I feel like I should add: I no longer identify much or base much on type; so while in terms of dichotomy INFJ fits, I in no way pretend to think I represent it (or any type).
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
Staff member
Joined
May 31, 2009
Messages
14,497
MBTI Type
INFJ
Super identify with those first two paragraphs.
 

MyINFJness

Member
Joined
Jun 15, 2019
Messages
80
Enneagram
2
love this!
It feels like being the most lonely person in the world a bit, doesn't it? Until we do our empathy people thing, and then we find our nirvana in healing, listening, vibing, intuiting.
My intuition is strong-although a few rounds of second guessing myself often takes the wind out of those sails. My empathy traits are the strongest. In minutes I have a read on you, and we are vibing strong. I used to feel so self conscious about this tendency of mine, but now as a social worker I find it to be a moving, unique experience that I would never take for granted. There is amazing power in understanding and in being understood.
But feeling understood is a rarity. When I meet someone who can see through my many filters and masks, I feel both excited and cautious. Like I don't know whether I should fall in love with that person or run very, very far away.
I am always cautious and watching-I often worry that I have perpetual resting bitch face because of this.
I can't do crowds for long-too much worry about how to hold myself and how to connect amongst a sea of people. One on one is a much more powerful, comfortable experience for me.
Nature is overwhelming in the opposite way. The ocean, the forest tempts me to become some sort of hermit naturalist.
I will listen to the 'right ' song on repeat if I feel it in my soul. If it speaks what I can't. Everything in life should have a soundtrack. Unless it's silence, and silence is valued and appreciated without anything polluting it.
I am consistently in a position where I can, or do my best to try to, see all points of view. I rarely ever conflict with others, if I do, it's usually because they have an unsavory character trait that I can't tolerate. Although I can still see the redeeming qualities in those individuals as well.
I live in my own head most of the time: fantasizing, planning, remembering. It's a wonder I have any sense of awareness at all!
 

Pionart

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 17, 2014
Messages
4,039
MBTI Type
NiFe
Being an INFJ... is like constantly trying to figure out something in a big-picture sense. My mind is constantly whirring away, with ideas coming out from the depths, prompting a comment, and frequently an imagined interaction with someone, often someone specific, to unravel an idea whilst adjusting it to the person being perceived as the audience.

There's a constant inner restlessness, often temporarily quieted with physical pleasures, though preferably funneled into artistic creation. The INFJ mindset is that of a philosopher or artist. Psychologist perhaps, though a speculative one.

The things which bring me energy are when a new line of inquiry presents itself, and I follow up on the implications with an idealistic energeticness. In extreme states this becomes all encompassing, as a new world spawns which becomes a kind of surreal playground for entertaining fantastic possibilities.

This keeps going until a strange grandiose confidence breaks through, generally leading to a regretful period of time spent reflecting and recalibrating. Getting back to base after swimming so far from home.


In social situations there is a deep understanding but also seemingly insurmountable distance, as the going ons of the interaction are reflected in an internal dance of reflected patternings. There can be a sense of knowing something that was never shown, but also not knowing whether it's there at all - a sense in which an abstracted copy of the situation were taking place in some invisible realm, a realm which seems more real than reality, at least at times.

As such there is a sense of being in some way different, alien, not belonging, because the short distance between the seat of consciousness to the outside world seems to be too far to venture.

Of course, there are times when things do feel right, times where the world fills with magic, becomes a game...
 

Pionart

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 17, 2014
Messages
4,039
MBTI Type
NiFe
I kinda just answered the thread title without referencing the initial post, although I did cover a fair bit of it anyway, but I'll go point-for-point now.

What is your experience in being an INFJ?

See previous post.

What is it like in mind, inner world, etc?

It's hard to say what's connected to my Jungian type and what isn't, but the whirring-hum of thoughts, funneled into interactions, imagined or otherwise, is pretty central to it.

How do you experience intuition (is it natrual and automatic?)

Intuition comes in many forms. One the one hand it allows me to excel in subjects like maths and science where there is more of a focus on the patterns at play in something, as opposed to referencing facts. On the other hand, it does seem to manifest in an almost psychic manner of picking up hidden meanings, in a way which really is hard to explain to someone who doesn't "get it" already.

Empathy and reading people?

I don't know if empathy is really that related to being an INFJ. I would say if it is, it's the active kind of wanting to care for someone who is in pain. I also can sort of adopt the mindset of another person briefly, but I don't know if this is (solely) due to being an INFJ or not.

I read social situations well in terms of the dynamic interplay of emotions, but I have a hard time making use of this information unless the context is something where my imagination feels at home.

What is it like conversing with someone?

I often feel I need to convey myself in a way specific to the person, and in a group I would therefore need some kind of centre-of-gravity type person which is hard to pull off generally, but can sometimes be done.

I generally fair best in conversation related to abstract areas of interest that I'm knowledgeable/understanding of. Otherwise, it's hard to be anything but generic.

Also, I'm often comedic in my approach - pointing out humour connections, or taking a very non-literal approach.

Do you come off serious or happy? (Or a combination of both?)

Probably serious, possibly relaxed. Generally not happy, as I find this an awkward emotion to express, unless drunk I s'pose.

How long can you do crowds and what do you feel when in one?

Crowds are hard to be in due to the suffocating influx of energy. I often avoid busy places.

What is it like when your walking through nature or a city?

I used to go for long walks through the city, and found it rather fascinating, perhaps for the often novel lines of thought which would unravel across the hours and kilometers.

I often try to find semi-natural areas to walk through as this is peaceful, but the idea of being in a totally secluded natural area is scary, due to things like paranoia/fear (of both people and animals/insects).

How do you experience great music and art?

I'm a very art-oriented person. I often gravitate towards art I see as "great", although I go for pop more often nowadays. I find it quite the experience.

Anything else you would like to share would e awesome. Thanks in advance.

Nothing else other than what's been covered, at least for now.
 
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