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Thread: Breaking values

  1. #1

    Default Breaking values

    I heard multiple NFs mention this some years ago, now came to reflect on what does "breaking NF's deeply held values" actually mean. Back then I saw it as something like.. if a NF values honesty, lying to them or deceiving them would be breaking their values. In that sense it would also be imposing their values on other person however, which made me question whether I'm understanding it correctly. In this sense they weren't as concerned of breaking values of others as long as theirs weren't broken. It kind of felt "off".
    Later I started figuring if "breaking their values" would mean making them act against their values. In that way it isn't imposed on others but themselves more. Still not sure what NF's actually mean by that, so better come here and ask... :P

    How do you define "breaking someone's/your deeply held values" and how much importance do you put between your own values and values of others?

  2. #2
    ∂ιѕﻭяα¢є∂ ¢σѕмσηαυт Luminous's Avatar
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    My own integrity is extremely important to me. Doing what I consider to be the right thing, as an individual, as myself, is of primal importance. I don't know what I'd be without that. My values define me at core level.

    How much importance do I put on my own values vs the values of others? Essentially, I'm not willing to sacrifice my most highly held values for anyone, including myself. They're supremely important. For values lower down on the list, with less inherently tied in morality, I will likely be more and more willing to compromise as I have more and more love for someone.
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    Senior Member Non_xsense's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luminous View Post
    My own integrity is extremely important to me. Doing what I consider to be the right thing, as an individual, as myself, is of primal importance. I don't know what I'd be without that. My values define me at core level.

    How much importance do I put on my own values vs the values of others? Essentially, I'm not willing to sacrifice my most highly held values for anyone, including myself. They're supremely important. For values lower down on the list, with less inherently tied in morality, I will likely be more and more willing to compromise as I have more and more love for someone.
    Are you willing to forgive someone who breaks that? . I don't think the world work around our values.

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    ∂ιѕﻭяα¢є∂ ¢σѕмσηαυт Luminous's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Non_xsense View Post
    Are you willing to forgive someone who breaks that? . I don't think the world work around our values.
    It depends on what they've done. The world might not work around our values, but my values are the core of who I am.
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    Senior Member Non_xsense's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luminous View Post
    It depends on what they've done. The world might not work around our values, but my values are the core of who I am.
    I'm sure there is alot of situations in which the emotional pain can shift that .

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    ∂ιѕﻭяα¢є∂ ¢σѕмσηαυт Luminous's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Non_xsense View Post
    I'm sure there is alot of situations in which the emotional pain can shift that .
    Can shift what?
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    My values are the single most important thing to me. Other people’s values are also important to me because I value individuality and personal freedom. Other people’s values only become unimportant to me if they run in direct opposition to my own.

    If I do violate my own values I will berate myself internally for quite some time. Going against them leaves me severely agitated and feeling like I’m a fraud.

    I’m a fairly simple man.
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    Senior Member cacaia's Avatar
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    Mmm. This question is difficult to answer. I have my own very deeply held values which I absolutely cannot go against, unless I change my personality entirely. There are several unbreakable values which I hold Everyone accountable for. These have to do with people forcing others to do something they don't want to do ( rape, killing people AND animals just for fun, imposing their own religion or thought on others and forcing them to convert).
    Force, I guess, is a big thing for me. Each person and animal should be treated fairly and with respect.
    This I absolutely hold everyone accountable for. The rest, they are my values and they sometimes shift depending on the situation, my own maturation of a topic, etc.
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    Senior Member Zhaylin's Avatar
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    I've never heard the term before so I don't quite know how to apply it either. It could go either way.
    I have been through a lot over my lifetime. I've learned to be more adaptive, flexible and accepting.

    Personally, I value God above all else... but I was expelled from my congregation because of sloth and I've seldom cracked open the Bible since- over the last decade or so. That was against my values. My biggest desire is to return to the congregation. But until I can walk the walk, I can't talk the talk.
    Besides that, I value loyalty and kindness. I don't see myself ever acting against type, but I've placed safeguards in place just in case. For instance, I insisted my husband draw up a prenump before I would marry him. I thought, if he ever cheated on me or left me, I didn't want to become vengeful.
    I still have bad days, though, just like everyone else. If I'm ever snippy or grumbly at someone, I beat myself up about it.

    As for others... it's not my place to judge them or set standards on them- UNLESS, they're causing someone else grief or harm.
    I tend to explain away or make excuses for other people. The person who nearly drove me off the road by speeding and swerving isn't a jerk or a drunk. Perhaps he just learned a loved one is in the hospital. Maybe he spilled hot coffee in his lap. Huh... but if I witnessed him nearly run someone else off the road, I would probably have a passenger call 911 to report him.
    I wonder why that is. I know I'm arrogant (which is VERY against my values, but it's still a fact). I hold myself to much higher standards than everyone else and yet I hold myself in much less regard (isn't that contrary to arrogance though lol).
    If you hurt me- so be it. But if you hurt someone else then look out.

    TL;DR I value honesty, open communication, kindness, spirituality, freedom, and flexibility.
    It's not unthinkable for me to act untrue to myself, though I'll berate myself about it afterwards. As for others- they're on their own journey so long as it doesn't interfere with the travels of others. If someone consistently rubs me the wrong way, though, I'll just disappear from their sphere of existence without outright ghosting them (as with relatives). Their journey is taking them down a different path and I don't have to walk along beside them

    [Are the last few sentences metaphors? I suck at taking tests because I don't know exactly what they're talking about all the time lol]

  10. #10
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    I always find it interesting that people talk about breaking with values two or three times more than they do about keeping them or attempting to preserve them.

    Just saying, a lot of the time when people talk about breaking with values its almost always in some sort of ritualized way that is itself traditional now and itself a sort of value code, unawares, that people are pretty conformist about, again unawares.

    So you get people talking up breaking with values that they've broken with or their community or society has well and truly broken with some time ago, in reality if not, sometimes, in theory too.

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