[NF] NF females both drawn to and repulsed by NF males?

[Desperado44]

I know quite a few NF guys and they are almost all hooked-up with T women. Coincidence? I think not.

Interesting observation.

As a very passionate/emotional NF, I find myself drawn to affectionate T's....

I agree with the one poster who said find a man who will be a MAN....there isn't any excuse for not nutting up and being a man when you need to.....in fact, I think the NF's flare for passion can work to his advantage when the time comes.....

 

[Rachelinpa]

Any of you NF females both drawn to and repulsed by NF males?

Yep. It's like, "YAY! I am understood!" But then it gets to a point where it is like, "Boo! I want to be the Feeler in the relationship!"

NFs (in my experience) can be awfully whiney at times. This is where the repulsion sets in... and honestly, if anyone is going to be habitually complaining in an annoying manner, I would like to assume that role. No need for both of us to be that way.

 

[iwakar]

Yep. It's like, "YAY! I am understood!" But then it gets to a point where it is like, "Boo! I want to be the Feeler in the relationship!"

NFs (in my experience) can be awfully whiney at times. This is where the repulsion sets in... and honestly, if anyone is going to be habitually complaining in an annoying manner, I would like to assume that role. No need for both of us to be that way.

rofl
lmao
/agree

Selfishness: the real NF pitfall.

 

[runvardh]

Complaining in an annoying manner . I don't do that and I certainly don't find it endearing. Life is too short to be spending time on anything other than finding the solution.

 

[Silent Stars]

Yes, I feel that all the time. I love NF men for the connection, and understanding but I often feel like I have made another female friend in mens clothing (no offence to any NF men) in that I can open up about anything and everything.

Yep, that's how they always see me [being a guy]. I don't mind it, though, and it can actually be pretty nice. I personally love being able to listen to and support them with anything that's on their minds cause they just naturally open up to me about stuff even their closest friends and family would never hear, and it makes me happy to know that they trust me so much. Then again, people in general open up to me a lot, though much more noticeably with other NFs.


I also have no problem with admitting that I'm definitely a lot more feminine than most guys (and even many girls I've met as well lol), but I am in no way a sissy. I hate it when people equate the two.

 

[sakuraba]

I am repulsed by NF males.

 

[GZA]

The friend zone is the bane of all NF men. Fuckin friend zone!

 

[Atomic Fiend]

I am repulsed by NF males.

You're female?

 

[LadyJaye]

I find myself repeatedly and unconsciously choosing INFJ men as inspirational figures for me, like Sidney Poitier and Bono ( before he became a brand name ). There's this " AHA!" moment where we see each other and immediately recognise that "something" we both have in common. My ex-boyfriend is an INFJ, and I felt really understood by him. We had a inherent similarity in the way we viewed humanity.

HOWEVER - the NF moodiness is incredibly irritating to deal with if you're having to draw them out constantly. My big issue with INFJ's are that I feel like I'm having to coax them out all the time, or talk them down from a tree every time they get upset by something ( which can be a long list of things sometimes).

 

[gloomy-optimist]

^^ Ah, yes. We're moody, but not always outwardly so.
I guess the main thing to get rid of the coaxing feeling is to just be very open with them. Judgment is basically my worst enemy. If I feel like someone will understand and not freak out, then I'll be able to open, but rarely before. :/
And it takes a bit of patience. It took about 5 years before I felt totally comfortable around my best friend (although it isn't the same for everyone, of course)

 

[Noel]

Any of you NF females both drawn to and repulsed by NF males?

I seem to experience more of the second response than the first (comparatively, not generally) as I hurtle towards 30 and I'm feeling guilty about it.

If I may, I wish to offer my perspective as a male.

Albeit repulsed seems too strong of a word, I agree with you. I seem to forge at least a connection with an F faster than I would with a T. In regards to a relationship with someone, I need perspective and being with a T has certainly provided that. I'm probably already volatile as it is, so why enhance that further? Overall, T's provide me with a balance that I've desired.

I know quite a few NF guys and they are almost all hooked-up with T women. Coincidence? I think not.

I agree with you. I tend to be more attracted to T types than F types BUT I think that F types are generally more attracted to me (including NFs)- however, Feelers tend to be more willing to be attracted to someone else than Thinkers, Thinkers aren't likely to give too many hints (especially the Introverted ones)..

Indeed, no coincidence.

 

[jtanSis1]

We live in a society where females have taken or shared more of the masculine roles and men think they have to be effeminate to be with them. Tell the NF men to lead and that they don't have to support and they will pull themselves together if you support them in that role. An NF man who leads instead of supports is a force to be respected.

 

[rvinnie]

don't put us in a box...

most of this discussion assumes that we are 100% of every preference. that is not the case as you know.

Some ENFJ's like me have been forced through life to move toward the T side and perhaps even the S side. Not that we become that, but we have to move in that direction.

I would expect most people who have lived a little recognize the need for balance. Not that I am not fully an ENFJ, no doubt about it. But, life often forces us to deal with things which tend to balance us out a bit.

I am married to an ISTJ woman and it is incredibly difficut regarding communication and closeness. She rarely opens up or orients her perspective around the relationship.

My suggestion to you NF women, is thank God for NF men and lighten up a little bit. Date or marry an ST and you will come running back to an NF.

Personally, when dealing with other NF women in business or friendship, it is a breath of fresh air. Even an NT is a delight. Speaking about concepts and ideas rather than the concrete is amazing.

All NF's have the tendency to always want something better. That seems to be what I am hearing here. I can tell you I am very tough when I need to be and in business am forced to use my T abilities heavily. It is uncomfortable but necessary.

My adivce, NF's should always stick with NF's and perhaps NT's if it feels right but NEVER ST's.

Thats my two cents for what it's worth. I speak not from theory but experience. After all I am a genuine ENFJ, a human x ray machine.

 

[Kestrel]

As a NF guy, I've never really encountered the problems mentioned. I'm not really moody, but I can always tell if there's something going on "under the surface" with someone I care about. And I can't hide how I feel about it. Most of the time, I don't think people appreciate this characteristic.

But I wouldn't trade being an NF guy for anything. As far as I'm concerned, I get the best of both worlds. I have all the benefits of being a strong, assertive male plus the ability to actually understand women when they talk about these things called "feelings".

 

[BlueScreen]

We live in a society where females have taken or shared more of the masculine roles and men think they have to be effeminate to be with them. Tell the NF men to lead and that they don't have to support and they will pull themselves together if you support them in that role. An NF man who leads instead of supports is a force to be respected.

+1

 

[runvardh]

We live in a society where females have taken or shared more of the masculine roles and men think they have to be effeminate to be with them. Tell the NF men to lead and that they don't have to support and they will pull themselves together if you support them in that role. An NF man who leads instead of supports is a force to be respected.

It would be quite helpful, also, to not call him cold when he does this. :steam:

 

[iwakar]

I'd need an NF female who wouldn't call me cold.

I... see... a pattern...

 

[runvardh]

I... see... a pattern...

Yeah, last year I turned an ENFJ off because I wasn't freaking out when she was. Probably would have helped if she actually looked at me and saw my tears, but she was too busy freaking out. The thing was, her calling me cold hit me worse than her leaving me - the irony.

 

[PinkIceTD]

Any of you NF females both drawn to and repulsed by NF males?

I seem to experience more of the second response than the first (comparatively, not generally) as I hurtle towards 30 and I'm feeling guilty about it.

Not repulsed, just overwhelmed.

I love NF guys as friends. Especially ENF. But as anything more it's too much emotion. I feel like there is no balance between us.

 

[jtanSis1]

Then miss out on the deep romance then, because that's what were good at and all we got going for us other than caring for others. NF men are not taken seriously in society even though were trying to make it better for everyone. Besides, without us, you wouldn't have your Princes, Knights in shining armor, Seducers, and Romantics so cut us some slack for trying to make love work in the world.