[INFP] INFPs, Values, and Conflict

[Zhaylin]

I would agree with all of that. I would say the struggle comes (for me) when weighing the intensity of reactions to violations and when and where it’s appropriate.

I was driving with a friend last weekend (his truck) and a news story came on the radio about the mosque incident in New Zealand. Out of nowhere he commented how the news coverage is biased towards Muslims and against Christians (he’s not religious, just racist, apparently). It’s a third rail for me and I was really torn between just opening the door and rolling out of his truck or not saying anything. I ended up just dropping it (I’m still very annoyed), but it’s taking a lot. I would prefer not to be in conflict with this person, but it’s a struggle to not defend my values.

I think as I’ve gotten older and experienced many reactions those choices have gotten easier to make, or maybe I’m better at making them in a way that protects my values, but it’s still difficult.

My hubby sounds a bit like your friend. One time, we were eating at a Mexican restaurant with his daughter and he said something racist as a "joke". Then he said something along the lines of 'I just tell it like I see it.' Then I noticed one of the employees cleaning up behind us.
I was compelled to reply "You mean like a racist redneck?" He blushed as I had never seen him blush before, and his daughter nearly spit out her drink.
I'm the sort who very rarely makes a fuss about anything. It's even more rare for me to call someone out over something.
If the employee hadn't been within earshot, I probably wouldn't have said anything. But, because he was, I had to defend him.

Voicing my thoughts has become MUCH easier as I've gotten older.

My hubby is from "the old school". He thinks the races shouldn't mingle (intimately). Just the other day, he was grumbling and asked about population numbers because 'blacks are a minority, but you couldn't tell watching TV' (he'd say similar things about gays or other races).
Then, I had to explain to him how important it is for little kids to see "themselves" represented and I compared it to the new Marvel movie (which he had also ranted about because the hero was made a woman).
I further told him that it's nice to watch a show and think "I can be a fire fighter, or policeman, or President" no matter what your race is or where you live."

We've been together since 1998. He's almost 75 years old. I give him a different perspective and make him think empathetically and compassionately; and I have softened him, a little, over all this time. He tries to think before he speaks (when in public).
Depending on how long you've been with you friend and how much you value the friendship, say your piece. Offer him a different perspective. You can't change views over night though (if at all).

This thread made me think of a Quora question:
What happens when an INFP gets mad? - Quora

As with there, the replies here have also surprised me lol
Maybe it's because I'm thrice cursed, (being both an INFP with HSP as well as being an E9w1) but I don't identify with some of the comments here