Quote Originally Posted by AffirmitiveAnxiety View Post
Ok so I'll be level with you.

I...have been angry for a long time with my mum.

But for something I keep thinking I shouldn't be angry about. Basically when I was 15 I had a major asthma attack and nearly died. My mum basically saved my life by CPR.

But I've always felt that I should have died that day and the selfish waste that I am these days reinforces that idea. She took death away from me, when it was clearly time for me to go.

Yet....I know that it is wrong....how horrible to be angry that someone kept you alive...right? The fuck is wrong with me?
Well... first thought... you feeling like a waste is a result of a lot more things besides your mom not letting you die at that point. What about all the other scenarios where you could have died, but didn't? Every second of every minute of every day, really. You can't hold it against your mom to not have made a decision that would have made her life horrible. Imagine how she would have felt if you'd died because she hadn't tried to help you. Plus... if it was your time to go... you would have gone. You are still here.

But secondly... I think it probably angers you because you're really mad at yourself, and you maybe feel pressure from your mom to be "better"? And that is getting redirected into anger at her under the guise of not letting you die? Like she can't be pressuring you now if she forced you to live then?

Amar's right; living is the hard part.

Having a strong conscience is a heavy burden. I know.