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  1. #1
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008

    Default And then the fight started..

    Got it from a friend and found them entertaining.

    My wife sat down on the seat next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'

    I said,

    And then the fight

    My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed.
    I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
    "No," she answered.
    I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
    She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
    So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
    And then the fight started....


    Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage.
    I hooked the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
    The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the
    weather would be bad all day.
    I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
    My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
    And that's how the fight started...

    I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
    Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me,
    and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
    So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
    And then the fight started.....

    My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
    She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
    I bought her a bathroom scale.
    And then the fight started...


    After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
    The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
    She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
    When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
    She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
    And then the fight started...

    My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady
    swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
    My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
    'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
    'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
    And then the fight started...

    I took my wife to a restaurant.
    The waiter, for some reason took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."

    He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
    Nah, she can order for herself."
    And then the fight started...


    A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
    She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
    I really need you to pay me a compliment.”

    The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
    And then the fight started…
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
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  2. #2
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008


    v funny

  3. #3
    It's always something... PuddleRiver's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007


    Very funny!
    "In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay one invincible summer."
    A Christian's life may be the only Bible some people ever read.
    "The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them" Maya Angelou.
    I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ" Gandhi

  4. #4
    Writing... Tamske's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009


    Funny indeed! I was laughing the most at the scales one
    To be true, I would appreciate that present but go just because I have to jump on it to make it go to 150 kg - and even then...
    Got questions? Ask an ENTP!
    I'm female. I just can't draw women

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