In the 1990s, Nintendo made a business deal with Philips that ultimately flopped. The final product was that Philips now had the right to produce three Nintendo games: Link: the Faces of Evil, Zelda: Wand of Gamelon, and Hotel Mario. This thread will involve the former two.

The first two-dimensional side-scrollers in the Zelda series since the Adventure of Link, these third-party games were received moderately when they were released, but certainly not as hits. Gamers found the controls almost impossible to manage, although the music, of all things, faced great reception.

Most terribly received were the cutscenes. They were done so poorly, in later years gamers dug up the cutscenes, loaded them onto their computers, tampered with them using video editing software, and produced possibly the internet’s most significant epoch of Youtube Poops.

Additional descriptions of the game can be found here.

The characters in the cutscenes included Link, the young Hylian adventurer and Hero of Time; Zelda, princess of Hyrule; King Harkinian of Hyrule; the wizard Gwonam (often referred to as “Squadallah” or “Squadallah Man” for his uttering of the magical phrase “Squadallah! We’re off!”); the shopkeeper Morshu, who would sell Link various weapons; Impa, current bearer of the Triforce of Wisdom; and the Prince of Darkness, the reclusive sorcerer Ganon.

But this apparent waste of silicon was far more than just a funny joke or a clever source of stock footage to edit. I propose that it’s another way of typing personalities.

Link is the most Sanguine of the characters. His only major complaint throughout the game is boredom. He lives for excitement and adventure, and he faces each new challenge undaunted, fervently optimistic about his difficult quest. He is always more than ready to improvise in case circumstances change. His ultimate goal is to win the affection of Zelda, whom he rescues in the end of Faces of Evil.

King Harkinian is Choleric. His primary desire is to enforce a state of peace in the kingdom he governs. He is tough-minded and always more than prepared to face the various adversaries pitted against Hyrule by Ganon. He is unflinching in his decision-making, making simple contingency plans in advance.

Gwonam is Phlegmatic, more specifically Phlegmatic-Sanguine. Gwonam flies wherever the wind takes him throughout the lands, silently swooping in on visitors to whom he delivers his messages of warning or wisdom. He understands much more about the fine arts of magic than the average Hylian, and it is hinted that he also has an affinity for nature. He speaks soundly but cheerfully and is slow to anger.

Ganon is Melancholic or Melancholic-Choleric. His contingency plans are much more detailed than those of his Choleric cousin, the King. His magic rivals and probably surpasses even Gwonam’s enabling him to seize the minds of entire legions of soldiers of all species with a simple thought. Though forceful to his subordinates in person, Ganon prefers to bide his time in his lair rather than fight on the front of battle.

Morshu the shopkeeper is most likely ISTP. Morshu’s main concern is selling weapons to any buyer, on any side, to make a profit, presumably enough just to stay middle-class considering what we are shown of him. Link returns to buy weapons from Morshu time and time again in the game, but considering he always is able to buy the weapons he needs, Morshu is probably fair in his pricings, yet he makes sure never to give credit to newcomers he doesn’t trust. Morshu is able to speak convincingly, filtering out any mistakes and encouraging buyers in with a careful confidence.

Zelda’s primary concern is the well-being of those who are close to her. When the King fails to send a message home even after Link is sent to rescue him, Zelda chooses to go herself, but also brings Impa with her for guidance and support rather than leaving the elder at her home in the Hylian keep. Zelda is caring and warm to those who are important to her, but delivers as much force as is deserved to those who put these people in danger, going to any length to be their guardian.

Impa guards the Triforce of Wisdom, much as Gwonam is a patron of the wisdoms of magic. However, Impa has a much more guarded temperament, ever as warm, but much more cautious. Like Zelda, her concern is to help those around her, but she does so by offering guidance from the Triforce and emotional support rather than through swords and arrows. Impa encourages those who are worried or in doubt but makes it a point to be as agreeable as possible whenever she can.

So. Which character do you think you are?