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  1. #31
    royal member
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    -Your mom asks you whether you have missed her after spending a weekend out:

    Reply: We've seen each other everyday over the entire year. Am I supposed to miss you after 2 days?

    -A person has died and a close friend of him says "May God be with him".

    Reply: God doesn't exist.

    -A devoted young muslin is interested in a girl considerably younger than him, but a bit concerned about it.

    Reply: Chill man. Did you know Maome himself was a pedophile?
    ^I did that one.

  2. #32
    philosopher wood nymph greenfairy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rasofy View Post
    @Giggly wins the thread
    Yes.

    Real life story:
    The brakes failed in my friend's car and we drove into a sign in a parking lot. Police officer shows up and asks, "Is there a problem?" I answer, "Obviously."

  3. #33
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    I'm driving in the city, take a wrong turn, and end up lost, so I see two people walking their dog and I stop my car and roll the window down and say, "Do you know where Wisconsin Avenue is?" and the woman says to me, "Are you lost?"

    Um, no ... I just like to ride around and stop near random pedestrians and ask them geography questions on a Saturday afternoon ...

  4. #34
    Wake, See, Sing, Dance Cellmold's Avatar
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    At a dinner party say:

    "Is anyone up for nuts? Mine are already on the table"

    At a train station to a small boy:

    "Train tracks taste like liquorice, try it"

    At a funeral:

    "He died as he lived....ugly"

    After the same funeral at the crematorium to the vicar:

    "Do you ever cook food in there? How about some victoria sponge cakes?"

    At a bike marathon after the main group has just collided with each other painfully:

    "YAHTZEE!"

    At an all you can eat buffet that just cost your host £300+ to pay for you take one bite and proclaim:

    "I'm stuffed"

    At a scoliosis charity event, give a speech commending the sufferers ending with:

    "Well done to all of you, give yourself a pat on the back...and take a bow"

    After an extremely fat woman chastises her children for picking flowers from a roadside flower bed by saying "Don't pick those flowers, this is gods green garden"

    You reply, while walking past, with:

    "Salad's grow in gardens"

    ^That one happened.
    'One of (Lucas) Cranach's masterpieces, discussed by (Joseph) Koerner, is in it's self-referentiality the perfect expression of left-hemisphere emptiness and a precursor of post-modernism. There is no longer anything to point to beyond, nothing Other, so it points pointlessly to itself.' - Iain McGilChrist

    Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
    "Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
    Piglet was comforted by this.
    - A.A. Milne.

  5. #35

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    My ass is sore. At anytime. I don't care how much you trained.

  6. #36
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Sitting next to an old lady at a funeral, nudge her and say: "You're next"

  7. #37
    Let Go Of Your Team Zarathustra's Avatar
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    Who knew Giggly would've been the best at this game.
    The Justice Fighter

    INTJ - 6w5 8dw 3w4 sx/so - Neutral Good

    "I trust what you are doing though…I just see it a little differently.
    I don’t see it as you stepping away from the fire. I see it as the fire directing your course.
    No matter how airy or earthy or watery you become... to many of us you will always be...a super nova."

    "Behind these gates of seeming warmth sits, loosely chained, a fierce attack dog. Perhaps not crazy, but dangerous"

    The Aggressive 6
    Debator


  8. #38
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    when your friend tells you she's pregnant, the correct response is not usually "on purpose?"

    yeah, I did that one...

    I see your "on purpose?" & I'll raise you a "why?"

    (I said this to an ESFJ friend.. the 2nd & 3rd time she got pregnant)
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.

  9. #39
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zarathustra View Post
    Who knew Giggly would've been the best at this game.
    Kinda makes sense.. ISFJ are keenly aware of proper decorum- they can easily recognize impropriety. They just typically use the power for "good," haha.

    * applauds @Giggly *
    * throws bouquet of roses *

    encore!
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.

  10. #40
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    To an attractive woman at a funeral: "You're OCM™!"

    That's all I've got...

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