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  1. #31
    *hmmms* theadoor's Avatar
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    Dec 2009


    Quote Originally Posted by Shimmy View Post
    In high school, me and my friends used to do things like the OP describes all the time. Just to see if we could freak each other out. Mostly we freaked out our classmates.

    I think things like an occasional pat on the shoulder, or a light touching of the arm to get someones full attention are generally okay. And when you are flirting with someone you can establish a connection by playfully touching them.

    On the other hand I wouldn't go around putting my arm around or placing my hand on the leg of people I hardly know.
    Yeah well me and my mostly girl friends have freaked out people (esp guys) by inappropriate looks and touches between us too (it's actually a lot of fun to see people's reactions), but since I'm a rather private person it took me some years to get used to it and I still feel uncomfortable if people other than very close friends touch me or I touch them in a way I didn't mean to. For example today I accidentally caressed one guy's back (like my hand fell a little lower than I wanted ), while we had a goodbye hug. Perhaps it's not a big deal, but I still feel that was pretty awkward.
    Oh and I hate when guys touches my leg with one of their legs or make the sides of our arms touch, because I don't get whether it's like some kinda innuendo or just the way they sit/walk.. Very confusing.
    Oh yeah?

  2. #32
    Senior Member You's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010


    Two females touching each other isn't inappropriate.
    Oh, its

  3. #33
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007


    Touching is cultural and personal. I'm only uncomfortable with touch because as this thread shows, people can get sensitive about it or interpret it differently - otherwise I'd think I'd be much more touchy feely. Like Wolfy (another Gentle Spirit, hwahwhwa) I'm comfortable with people touching me as long as it's not in a clearly lechy context. I also am much touchy feelier with friends who are obviously touchy feely and huggy. I'm very physically affectionate with: pets, young children, people I'm dating - because I feel like in those 3 contexts being affectionate/touchy feely is appropriate and even necessary in different ways. It's a free physical expression of approval and affection that the person receiving expects/wants/needs validation for.

    To clarify, physical touch is not necessary sexual at all but it can cross different boundaries for "intimacy". So the fact that it can be interpreted in so many ways and factors in on the 'intimacy scale' I am not physical with people I don't know well. In a professional context, not at all. Even with friends, I'm generally touchy only with people who I know are touchy themselves. I know that I had something special with my first gf because even before we got together we were very comfortable cuddling and sharing space together on the couch and other things.

    I do feel a bit bad for people who are touchy feely in a very NONE touchy feely culture. It's kinda a slap in the face when you are not meaning anything lecherous, untoward, demanding or "wrong" but the opposite, comforting, casual, friendly and the other person interprets it by recoiling/rejecting/or even accusing you of trying something fishy. The "rejection" I think - you can take it or leave it -but it's the insinuation/unanswered question/outright accusation of *motives* that I think can insult people/hurt their feelings and then just kill the relationship/make it awkward/create a rift.

    I think this is why people who are on similar levels of touchy-feeliness get along best in relationships.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux


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