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  1. #11
    Resident Snot-Nose GZA's Avatar
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    Aug 2007


    I'm younger than you and I certainly do not feel I have accomplished a sense of adulthood (or really accomplished anything). I'm only 19 and I have no guilt whatsoever that I'm not a true "adult", but I really relate to the looming feeling of success or failure; will I accomplish anything meaningful or just sort of end up existing with no particular reason or purpose. It keeps me up at night!

  2. #12


    Quote Originally Posted by Hexis View Post
    Let me put it a little better to try and explain why its so important to me. I only use the word manhood cause its for me an over encompassing term, in general im speaking of feeling accomplished, grown up, and or satisfied with my lot in life.
    Imo, you don't grow into a man. You grow as one. Be careful before you start doing those crude trials of manhood just to prove a point...

  3. #13
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Apr 2007
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    Mod Note: I might move over the "adult" posts and leave the "manhood" posts here. One issue is that the posts will intermingle and make it hard to read. But I think the manhood issue is a specific subset of being an adult (although there are similarities how to deal). So let's try to keep this thread anchored on manhood specifically and Hexis' situation.


    Where does this elusive image of "manhood" come from anyway, and why does it exist as a standard, as compared to other possible standards?
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  4. #14
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Apr 2008


    How much of a father are you to your son?
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  5. #15
    Freaking Ratchet Rail Tracer's Avatar
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    Jun 2010


    I don't think you become a man by just doing goals that signal the path to being a man. Heck, I even have issues with this topic myself, but I definitely don't feel any closer to the path of being a man by setting goals. (FYI, I am younger than you.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Where does this elusive image of "manhood" come from anyway, and why does it exist as a standard, as compared to other possible standards?
    Rights of passage? Pretty much like what defines childhood and adolescence (if a bit different from a boy and a girl.) Sort like that saying that "boys will be boys" (rough, rowdy, dirty, whatever that is suppose to define that stereotype.)

    Not to forget the centuries old of the man being the bread winner of the family while the women were stay at homes. These days, men aren't the only ones to be working . And that means a lot of blurring the lines of what signals adulthood and manhood. In fact, I was quite sure adulthood meant something like marrying when you hit 20 and working on supporting the family then on. Today, marrying at 20 is a lot more unlikely let alone starting a family until a person's late 20's to early 30's.

    Stereotype this, stereotype that.

    If I can find the article about how people today somehow view 20-30 as some form of pre-adulthood (particularly for men,) I would surely post it here.

  6. #16
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    Aug 2008


    I think your definition of a man is what needs to be defined well. Finding that will guide your purpose. I don't think it is a simple, clear definition.. My definition of honor and respect could have entire books. There are things on the shallower side of things that would constitute being an adult.. but I presume for the purpose of this thread, to be classified as a man is to be more than a mere adult. So, there must be levels. People think you are a man because you are an adult and you function. You are saying you want to be more than that, that the definition does not stop there.. I can understand that ambition.

    I've been meditating all day on things that have crossed my mind after this funeral.. I'll put my two cents in here, and see if my list at all matches up to yours.. I hope it's helpful, if not

    First, and foremost, a man is a functioning member of society. Which society, and how they function, is up to be determined.. but I feel that all men must first be adults. I think you have many of these qualities: You are capable of introspection.. you see your own flaws, and you acknowledge them and even try to work on them. You contribute to the community, and you work for yourself.

    So whats beyond that? The very first thing on your list should be your child. Knowing your situation a bit.. I know this can be hard. But every step you can take to be there for, and be close to, your son will be one of the best things you can do as a father. With all of my father's flaws, and shortcomings.. he is an amazing man. I cannot think ill of him for long.. because he was a great father figure. He was dedicated to giving us everything we could ask for, and teaching us everything we could possibly need. Fill your heart with him, and do what you feel is right by him.

    I don't think there is a single person that considers themself a man that hits a woman. (I AM NOT SAYING YOU HIT WOMEN! Let me finish. ) But.. I have found that men never just stop there at that simple logic. There are plenty of adult males that abuse women all the time in a way that has absolutely nothing to do with physical violence. Every man I have known that I have never doubted to be a man has been able to interact with the opposite sex in a comfortable way. I find that young adult males just tend to not be able to.. Like there is something missing in their knowledge base. To be short: Treat everyone how you intend to be treated, with a dose of common sense of course.

    ...I was thinking about.. how influential we are in other people's lives. If I were to hide my entire life, and no one knew I existed.. when I passed, it would not be a sad thing at all. It wouldn't mean anything. Memories, and the influences we have on people's memories, has a lot of say about what and who we are to others. I think it is, somewhere, a goal everyone has to be remembered.. at least by someone. To not be forgotten, washed away in a sea of nothing. Like we existed, and were alive, and wanted. But how people remember you says a lot about who you are to others. I'm not sure where I was going to go with that.. but I felt it needed to be here somehow.

    I think beyond that is all little details.. tiny rules, experiences, meditations, and theories that come together on a day by day basis that create this. I don't think it is a butterfly transformation. I think it is more like the tiny flake of snow. That slowly settles into more. Each piece falling into place, step by step, taking everything one day at a time, until when you step back and look, the mere mountain has turned into a scene that could take a person's breath away.

    Flowery language and shit out of the way.. this is just what I've observed in my time. I don't meet many men by your definition. I meet a lot of adults.. the average, bare minimum. I don't know if any of this applies to you, or not.. but I hope it helps either way.
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  7. #17


    There is nothing honorary about being a man. Some men are good and some are evil. Instead of trying to meet someone else's standards, determine what kind of man you want to be. Personality traits and accomplishments don't have a gender or an age.

  8. #18
    Senior Member Hexis's Avatar
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    May 2007


    Quote Originally Posted by FineLine View Post
    It just faded with time and accomplishments.

    At first you don't trust your own experience and accomplishments, because they're yours and you don't really trust yourself. But increasingly you find yourself in the position of mentoring others and showing them what you've learned, and you start to realize that your experience and accomplishments are the real deal. And then you start to realize that you're the real deal.

    To put it another way, you mainly just grow up and get more comfortable in your own skin and in the roles of an adult. Success breeds success. As you succeed at more adult things, you become tempted to take on more adult challenges. And one day you realize you've pretty much hit all the high points. All that's left is to refine it and get better at it. Or accumulate more of it.
    This helped me a lot, its pretty much exactly how I feel. And being able to break it down so simply helped me put things into perspective.
    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    Do you have a purpose? It seems like lots of men have trouble feeling like men unless they have a purpose in life that they are always striving to fulfill.
    I believe that is whats missing in my life, alot of things up to this point have been in order to try and find exactly that. Im still looking.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mystic Tater View Post
    Imo, you don't grow into a man. You grow as one. Be careful before you start doing those crude trials of manhood just to prove a point...

    Sorry I know I was a little vague about alot of things. But I dont going just looking to try and prove myself, most of the time is in retrospect. Ill look back at the things ive done with my life and the goals ive accomplish and just feel like it isnt enough.

    Maybe what im confused with in myself is not my manhood but what is actually my ambition...Ill have to think on this.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post

    Where does this elusive image of "manhood" come from anyway, and why does it exist as a standard, as compared to other possible standards?
    Same way being a "woman" or in general an "adult" exists as a standard. Im sure you wouldnt like being called a little girl.

    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    I wasnt about to pick and find the parts of your quote I specifically wanted to reply to lol.

    But thanks, some of it did help and made me think. And since I first put this up Ive been contemplating the meaning of a man alot. And I think ive found my definition and my problem.

    (Still a thought in the works but simply put) To me a man is an adult male who in his circle/community is needed and in turn provides willingly for those needs.

    I know that is very vague but there you have it. And by needs I mean all kinds of things, but once I start going into that it would dilute it down to the different kinds of men you have and thats hundreds of different topics there in itself. So my problem as you see is I dont feel im accomplishing that and to further lessen my ego, feel that I have failed in this capacity on too many occasions in the past. Now I must fix these things at the same time stabilize my future to fix myself.

  9. #19
    Reptilian Snuggletron's Avatar
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    Sep 2009


    you're ENFP

  10. #20


    I swear bootcamp should be madatory for all males in this country.

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