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  1. #31


    Quote Originally Posted by blankpages View Post
    I remember an "emotional intelligence" test from years ago that would give users a lower score if they reported being "usually right" about their own first impressions. The idea was that these people don't examine their own beliefs and assumptions as much as people who report being "often wrong".
    This is a very excellent point.

  2. #32
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    1w2 so/sx


    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    I'm a pretty good judge of character, usually. I can generally read people's demeanors with accuracy. The only problem is that sometimes they're reacting to how they perceive me, and if they're intimidated or insecure, I'm not getting a clear read on how they really are.

    If someone makes a bad first impression…what are the chances of them redeeming themselves with you?

    Usually pretty good. I try to give people several chances. However, I often do have a gut feeling of some sort from the beginning. I might not know why I feel that way at first, but it often bears out to be true. As Tallulah said though, things like insecurity, or their reaction to me can throw their behaviour off. I've gotten better at trying to factor those things into the mix.

    How much do you trust your instincts during a first impression?

    Mostly I trust them, but allow for a margin of error. I'm pretty good at putting myself in other people's shoes and I don't tend to make snap judgements about anything till I've had time to put some thought into observing, noticing patterns and seeing if a common theme emerges.

    What kinds of assumptions and stereotypes do people usually make about you during a first impression?

    Some that I've gotten more than once include:

    That I'm blandly "nice" or that I am one of them (whether it's anarchist, socialist, conservative, hippy, etc. It's kind of funny!). I think this is due to an interest in listening to people, not speaking up immediately to denounce something I don't agree with and not making my views known immediately. I actually hold quite strong views about most things, but will evaluate what the reaction will be and if there is any value in sharing them with the person. I don't like to be surprised, so I tend to observe a lot first before taking any kind of action.

    That I'm quiet. (I'm not if I'm comfortable or if I'm talking to a small group or about a subject I'm passionate about). Put me at a table though with 10 acquaintances I've just met and if I can't split it off into separate conversations, or if I'm around a lot of extroverts with whom I have little in common, I have nothing to say to the whole group at once.

    That I'm a goody two shoes. I don't drink or do drugs and don't swear so most people make a lot of assumptions about that. Sometimes they seem rather surprised when I make a joke that they weren't really expecting or if I take off my mental filter and make a snarky, but funny comment on what I see.

    Alternatively, some people seem to think that I am kind of bohemian and a free spirit. That always makes me laugh too. I've done lots of stuff, and am up for adventure, but I don't really fit that stereotype at all. I like stability.

    Weird people (of both genders) seem to pick me to tell their life stories to etc. It's not that I'm too polite or so naive that I don't understand about eye contact or small talk encouraging them etc. I spent a number of years busking and learned to be quite direct when I needed to be. But if I'm minding my own business and looking at something else in a store or on a bus, out of all the strangers they could choose, they usually pick me.

    I'm not really sure what else people usually think about me first, because it's only a limited group of people that will actually ever tell you. I think on here people thought I was warm, kind and bad at making succinct posts with bullets. And some were surprised that I had a non-serious side.

    How about when it comes to online first impressions…. What do you take into account when evaluating an online first impression?

    What a person chooses to tell about themselves first. If they overshare or undershare noticebly or seem to be stuck on one aspect of their persona, I usually assume they are a little bit insecure. Usually if I am unsure how to interpret someone's response, I look at their type, whether English is their first language, what country they come from and how old they are, or I look up some of their other posts to get more background info to give me context. I tend to judge maturity partially by what kinds of topics take people's interests most, if they have significant interests, hobbies or plans, their ability to both catch and throw conversational balls and show interest in others, how much slack they cut other people (particularly if those people have less resources than themselves), and if they can drop something if the exchange is no longer productive.

  3. #33
    facettes de la petite mor Words of Ivory's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010


    I don't do first impression.

    I prefer to talk a slow, calculated approach when it comes to people. One interaction is rarely enough for me to come to some sort of conclusion about a person. I'll take what I experience, mull over it, and eventually come to a conclusion about someone based on what I see them do versus what who they claim to be in conversation.

    As for what kind of first impressions people get of me? I have absolutely no fucking idea. my insecurities make me instinctively believe that whatever conclusions people have come to regarding me, they can't possibly be positive ones, but I have been proven wrong in that regard numerous times.


    "Life calls out the meaning of pure jubilance,
    if you'll only take the time to hear it."
    ~ Words of Ivory ~

  4. #34
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    ENFj None


    It really depends on the bad impression they've made. If i am open to the idea of interacting with someone, then they would have to do something big to make a bad impression. If i'm reluctant to interact with someone, even the smallest thing could set off a bad impression that they may be unable to shake.

    I trust my instincts a lot. They don't tend to fail me in regard to reading people. Again, it can take a lot to get on my bad side through a first impression. I have a lot of facets to me that would easily make a bad impression, so i can't hate too much..

    Oh jeez. Regarding my first impressions... they probably think i'm either inherently nice or a raging bitch. I tend to be misunderstood by people in the first meeting due to being both caring and overly blunt all at once. It makes things interesting.
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
    Cause it will come back to you - Before you lose it on the man

    .:: DWTWD ::.

    There is this thing keeping everyone's lungs and lips locked - It is called fear and it's seeing a great renaissance

  5. #35


    I just do my wacky "say something crazy approach" and if they at the least accept it their good in my book, that is until they are not. This takes alot though, I try my best not to be hypocritical.

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