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  1. #1
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Feb 2009

    Default Finding a Mind Mate

    Do you find it easier to find a mind mate online or IRL?

    There are so many people on this site that are knowledgeable (which again is debatable), so you'd think finding a mind mate on here would not be so hard .. Yet i find it so.

    For me personally, although i struggle to move people from acquaintance to friend (not quite sure why) i just want to meet someone who can challenge/debate my thinking in a constructive manner.

    I am lucky to have my best friend (ENTJ) who is a closed minded argumentative bastard who i adore and thoroughly love to debate with, but we seem to stick to politics and international affairs .. I want to broaden this, but it's his core interest at present.

    Do others find it hard to connect?
    Or do i possibly have a high expectation here?

    Last edited by Saslou; 04-05-2010 at 06:19 AM. Reason: Thinking too much
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  2. #2
    The Duchess of Oddity Queen Kat's Avatar
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    Apr 2009


    I don't have such thing as mind mates. I'm one of a kind. If I'd want a mind mate, I should be my own one. Not that I mind, havind mind mates just sounds silly.
    I was sitting outside the classroom waiting to go in, and I saw an airplane hit the tower. The TV was obviously on. I used to fly myself and I said, "There's one terrible pilot."
    - George W. Bush -

    SCUAI - 7w8 sx/sp - Chaotic Evil - Fucking Cute - ALIVE

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  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2009
    6w7 sx
    SEE Fi


    You know, I was just thinking about this today. It seems easier to connect with certain people mentally on-line. Lots of people IRL are disappointing in this regard, and it may be because I do not travel in the right circles, or perhaps because ... well, I don't know. But the sucky thing about being on-line is that it's not face to face.

    I honestly have no idea where the hell I'd go IRL to find a "mind mate." Perhaps I should think about going back to school.

    Ok. Now I'm just depressed.

  4. #4
    Member attetude's Avatar
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    Jul 2009


    I've never had a mind mate to discuss "deep" stuff. I always thought it was because I was hanging out with wrong people, but then I realized that I really don't need one. I have enough challenges thinking with only my own brain.

  5. #5
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    9w8 so/sx


    I don't think it can be forced, I also don't consider my friends irl mindmates as our relationships tend to develop from different areas, even if there is a mental connection it tends to be secondary to other things. Online there are a few select people that I would consider a mindmate of sorts, conversation started out as generic interaction with no expectations of anything deeper but progressed over time.

  6. #6
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Mar 2008


    Quote Originally Posted by attetude View Post
    I've never had a mind mate to discuss "deep" stuff. I always thought it was because I was hanging out with wrong people, but then I realized that I really don't need one. I have enough challenges thinking with only my own brain.
    On the bus the other day I started a conversation with someone opposite me. And before long our conversation was flowing like water.

    I mentioned Heidegger and we were off.

    I did though have a friend and we would stay up all night discussing philosophy so I was devastated when he committed suicide.

    He did though leave a suicide note of sixteen pages. And reading it in the Bakery over coffee it was as though we were still having our long conversations. And even after sixteen pages I still didn't understand why he committed suicide. And I alternated between feeling sad and angry.

    It is though wonderful to discover someone with whom we flow like water. Even though it hurts to lose them.

  7. #7
    Per Ardua Metamorphosis's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007


    In general, online. Forums are ideal for expressing thoughts that wouldn't otherwise be expressed, particularly for introverted people. It also provides a safety cushion (or at least the illusion of one) that allows us to open up more freely without feeling particularly vulnerable or judged. It takes much longer to do so with people irl. My irl friends that I connect with intellectually are also on this forum. My extended social circle irl would probably be surprised to learn that I read anything that doesn't have naked pictures in it.
    "You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit."

    Reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions, and can never pretend to any other office
    than to serve and obey them. - David Hume

  8. #8
    Member Phenix's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009


    Good question saslou. I've accepted that I am different with each person with whom I interact. I open up with some people and with others wild horses couldn't drag a personal comment out of me. In real life I don't try to force it anymore.

    I like online, because it offers lots of opportunities to see many people and their points of view. Usually something just strikes me as interesting about them, like the title of this thread.

    My recommendation is to hang out in the logic puzzle section of a bookstore, or drink a coffee and do logic puzzles in a cafe. Judging from your photos, I think you will have plenty of candidates, and from them some contenders. Alternately, hang out in a bookstore section that interests you. Nothing more attractive than a woman with a book.

    Good luck.

  9. #9


    Personally, I find it hard to connect with anybody, anywhere. People come and go.

  10. #10
    darkened dreams Ravenetta's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    4w5 sp/sx


    I'm glad you started this thread, saslou. I find two components to someone who is a mindmate - the first is the way conversation and debate resonate between the two, and the second is a mutual respect and interest to listen.

    I don't do well in "social space" whether online or irl in that my role tends to be the person off to the side thinking rather than interacting. I managed to find a mindmate for my romantic partner who challenges my mind always. Our areas of study have almost no overlap, but for some reason that adds to the vitality of interaction. He understands about "idea space" since it is absolutely his home. I know where that place is as well even though I am not well versed in his area of study. My home is in another neighborhood. It helps that we are both holistic thinkers who look at the big picture and see ways to integrate information rather than using dismissal down to a singularity.

    What I appreciate most about that rare, but pure mental connection with someone in idea space is that it is a place where who you are does not determine the value of your ideas. The ideas stand alone on their own merit whether you are famous and published, young or old, male or female, polite or rude, attractive or homely, etc. While it is true that social designations cannot be relied upon to prove the merit of an idea there, it is home for those who are not so invested in their social status to mind the fact that it isn't to be relied upon for their ideas. It is a place where the idea is more important that ownership of that idea. People who dismiss others from admittance into that space based on social reasons cannot possibly know where it even is.

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