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  1. #51
    Senior Member proximo's Avatar
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    Nov 2009


    Quote Originally Posted by Winged View Post
    I do not think about it consciously, but am aware of it - others interact with me based on what they perceive in me, my personality and motivations, and they are so often incorrect in real life. I have a ridiculously unshakable want to be seen in an authentic manner, for those I care about to know what I really am.

    I always make little addendums to what I say that clarifies something - to express exactly what I mean or where I am coming from. This is primarily to avoid those misunderstandings that commonly occur when others assume and don't bother to ask, taking their own interpretations of a situation as truth.
    Up to here, this could've been me talking. But...

    Now, others thinking something bad about me that is untrue does not affect me, at least in the fact that if I show it to be false and they don't listen there is nothing I can do. People make a choice to be unwilling to open their eyes and inflexible in their thinking, and concerning meself with that outside of friends and loved ones would have me going grey far before my time.
    I wish I could practice that as easily as I can nod and agree with it!
    I'm male and over 30, FYI.
    Preferences: 20% Extravert, 98% Intuitive, 68% Thinker, 17% Perceiving

  2. #52
    Black Magic Buzzard Kra's Avatar
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    Jun 2009


    All I can say is, I'm consistently inconsistent.

    I am both such a typical and so atypical an INTJ that I wonder both how anyone could mistake me as anything else, and how anyone could ever think that I was one to begin with.

    Function Activity:
    Ni > Te > Ti = Fi > Ne > Si = Fe > Se

  3. #53
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    Dec 2008
    468 sx/sp
    EII None


    The adjective most used to describe me in real life is "sweet."

    To go with that, they think I'm easy-going, have little to no opinion about most things, not a lot of discipline, no push-back.

    I'm just not that smushy, but it takes some people a long time to figure that out, and when they do, it's like they think I misled them.

    I don't have that problem on forums.

  4. #54
    Senior Member BlahBlahNounBlah's Avatar
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    Dec 2008


    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Do you wonder how others perceive you?

    I have a vagina.

    ENTP . 7w6 sx/sp

  5. #55
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    594 sx/sp
    LII Ne


    Quote Originally Posted by Fidelia
    While I don't think it should shape your life, I am often curious if people's perceptions of me match up with who I think I am, and if they don't, which party is mistaken. I'd like to make sure that what people see is an accurate reflection of who I am internally.
    This issue has actually been a pervasive one throughout my life, and I have never been certain as to why.

    It's one thing to wonder, it's another thing to care to the point of feeling the need to readjust either one's life or another's perceptions... and I still cannot for the life of me figure out why it matters to me or while often (depending on my life stage) I have literally agonized over it.

    Intellectually, I don't really care... I am who I am, and someone else's perceptions don't change that. I can state all that without flinching. However, emotionally and socially, it has been an issue that I have struggled with.

    The only intellectual basis I can see for it is that one of my driving needs is to know others and be known by them. So if they do not really know me, or inaccurately perceive me, it hurts/deprives me and I want to remedy that, as a point of connection. I spent a very large portion of my life either feeling "unknown" to others OR "inaccurately known" (which is almost worse), and the loneliness and sense of not connecting was excruciating.

    There's also the sense in which I just hate "wrong information" and want to correct it, so that everything is accurate (as far as I can tell) again.

    However, I don't think I could be used as some sort of model for a particular MBTI here, aside from my type not fitting squarely into a category in practice. For one, there are many environmental/circumstantial factors in my life that could have contributed to these negative feelings.

    1. My alcoholic family. I very much felt growing up that none of them "knew" me.... hence, how could they love me? My mother just "loved me because I was her child," but because it was that sort of blind love, I never felt like she KNEW who I was. The same with my father, except he was the drinker, was rarely around, and when he was was either authoritative or insensitive. He would cut down points of view that differed from his and enforce his own preferences on the rest of the family even if we dissented. In both cases, the absence of "feeling known" left a large void in my life I wanted badly to fill; and being misunderstood was tantamount to be rejected or thought poorly of. Children, who are automatically lacking a degree of power in their environment compared to the parents, have to appease the authorities if they do not feel capable of self-survival. I did not feel I could survive, so I worked hard to maintain a good reputation even if inside I felt unloved and unknown.

    2. The church. I don't mean to bust on the church, because a lot of the positive qualities of who I have become are based on my ongoing spiritual and intellectual journey. However, the environment I grew up in was stifling in many ways. People scrutinized you, watching your behavior, and they challenged things you said that did not conform to what they thought was "truth," and you could be punished or shunned or removed from positions of authority [out of love, or whatever] if you deviated. Often this was not even done meanly, it was done "because it was right" and as a means of discipline. Thus, it was extremely important that people thought well of you if you wanted be a member of that community in good standing and, not only that, but to please God and not be a bad person.

    3. To be honest, I have had to deal with a particular condition all my life that made it extremely important to me to recognize what was expected of me and offer that in order to reduce scrutiny, guilt, shame, and fear. If I didn't care what others thought, (in my mind) I ran a strong chance of being damaged physically, emotionally, and relationally, with them as well as with my own sense of self. Ironically, my intuitions were correct -- when I finally did become strong enough to not live according to what would please others but to do what I had realized was right and healthy for me, I lost a large portion of family and religious support network. If I had done this as a child, I would not have survived; only an adult who is self-sustaining and independent can survive when all the others cut out on her.

    So I *am* glad I cared about what others thought. It did keep me stable and alive for years. If you don't care what others think, you had better be strong enough to go it alone.

    However, eventually, that focus on other's views of me was something I had to work through and place into balance so that I could be myself without apology or shame. I had to learn to see myself as I really was, without regard to what others saw, and even be willing and able to continue to see myself truly when others would try to undermine my own self-perception.

    I'm not really sure it is a "type" thing per se, since SO many factors can modify how one approaches it. I do think people with strong Fi can more easily follow their own inner ruleset.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  6. #56
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2009


    Quote Originally Posted by Trepidation View Post
    I wonder about this constantly. I truly have no idea how others percieve me, or if that perception matches up with my sense of self. For example, I value other people's feelings and I can understand their motivations and reactions. But I never find many opportunities to express this, and I worry that others see me as completely callous and uncaring, which is simply not true but could conceivably be deduced from my outward behaviour.

    Another facet to this problem is the fact that I never get any positive or negative feedback. I often can't tell which parts of my personality other people enjoy, and which parts cause offence. Without anyone to tell me these things, I can't work towards developing my strengths or dealing with my weaknesses.
    This sums up my thoughts on this, especially the bold parts. I mean, granted I wouldn't really want constant feedback on what people think of me, but an occasional mention of that kind of thing would be really helpful.
    “My generation's apathy. I'm disgusted with it. I'm disgusted with my own apathy too, for being spineless and not always standing up against racism, sexism and all those other -isms the counterculture has been whinning about for years.” -Kurt Cobain

  7. #57
    darkened dreams Ravenetta's Avatar
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    Apr 2007
    4w5 sp/sx


    Whenever someone has an unexpectedly misconstrued idea about me, it reminds me how it is not possible to ever fully know another person. That brings to my mind the fundamental isolation that we experience as human beings. In the end I think it is the qualities of empathy and withholding judgment on another person that brings us the closest to forming an actual connection. It makes me want to withhold judgment towards others more than I have before. Sometimes I think people's perceptions are more influenced by their own lives and fears than the actual content of the person they encounter. I guess the misconception someone forms about me, however hurtful, provides information of some sort into their experience. Ideally it is my chance to better understand them by more fully understanding the misperception. Many times it just makes me anxious, but my hope is to gain understanding.

    One thing that disturbs me about misperceptions is that if they are unduly negative, then they will likely justify some sort of punishing behavior, and I'd rather not be the recipient of that. It makes people seem random and confusing to me.

  8. #58
    Senior Member Synapse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007


    Wanting feedback is a natural way to want to refine the self and then seeking perception of the self is a good way to learn strengths and weakness in the self.

    For instance. Your a singer, your really crappy but all your friends and family tell you your really good. The perception then would be that you are really a good singer. Then you go to song contests and reality hits you, your really crappy. Having learned that your ability mightn't be so good then maybe it would of been good to have been perceived that way sooner.

    Okay poor example.

    However the reason perception of the self matters most is because this goes back to a persons programming in their ego acceptance of how their identity is perceived outwardly through the public eye.

    In reality perception is a curious entity. You can go to law hearings and have hundreds of accounts of the same thing be completely different in interpretation. So then that means its like an insect eye, we're trying to piece together the perception overlaps that cause us to feel good about ourselves and improve on the qualities that might be seen less favourable.

    This brings out vulnerability in that respect that you need humility rather than pride to understand that the flaws and the strengths are part of the whole. And in doing so, being comfortable in the self would then mean being perceived by others as the window to your authenticity rather than a projection of what others are wishing to see of yourself. Because then you aren't left worrying what others perceive or judge you to be, adding to your burden of who your not.

  9. #59
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Mar 2008


    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I'd like to make sure that what people see is an accurate reflection of who I am internally.
    Internally we are like the sea - what we are depends on how the wind is blowing.

    Some of us though are like icebergs - rigid and cold, unresponsive to the airs that play on us.

    But all icebergs melt into the arms of a warm zephyr.

  10. #60
    Twerking & Lurking ayoitsStepho's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    4w3 so/sx


    I wonder how others perceive me.
    Just like all the other SPs have said, It really encourages me to hear the way people see me. It almost gives me hope that I'm not a screw up.
    I feel others have a better look at me, than I do myself.
    I'm always interested in knowing and yet I don't usually have people telling me how they see me. Yet its something I try to do for others because I know thats something I enjoy. It gives others a view of themselves that they never thought to see.
    Quote Originally Posted by MacGuffin View Post
    ayoitsStepho is becoming someone else. Actually her true self, a rite of passage.

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