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  1. #21
    Senior Member Shadow's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009


    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    I have done, what I need to do is know exactly when he has his stash of drugs squirreled away in my parents house, because last time it ledt to nothing, aside from my parents taking out their frustration on me.

    Believe me I would stay away, it's just my 15 year old sister is having a very tough time of it right now, and I need to check on her. She isn't ready to come live with me just yet, but she will be and then I can minimise my contact with the rest of the family when she gets settled up here away from that lifestyle and those kind of people.

    Thanks Mo, I'm trying anyway.
    It's hard for me to understand the kind of bullying mentality that my brother has, I can't empathise at all.

    I agree, but using weapons/threats with weapons seems to be some kind of norm now, if you see my OP it describes another scene in which a different sister was threatening to stab my youngest sister.

    I would never threaten anyone with stabbing or death, at least not over the things they are squabbling about, it would have to be something so bad to get me mad enough to cross that sick and twisted line.

    They have normalised this behaviour.

    I feel like the only one who thinks this needs to stop, at least amongst the grown ups.

    I don't live with them, or near them, but obviously in order to interact with the sister I am trying to help I keep needing to go down to that cesspit of hate aka my family's house.

    Wow, please don't think this is normal. No matter how widespread, and I don't actually think it is, no one should have to put up with this and consider it normal. Sadly, when they're your family, or even if you live with people like this in your community, it's hard to just blank it out and avoid it.

    I agree with Meta that this shouldn't be your responsibility. You're a sister, not a parent, although I commend you for being so strong and knowing that this situation isn't right while caring for the more vulnerable people in your family like your younger sister.

    I think in a year, when your sister is 16 and legally able to move out and all the rest, it would be great if she could live with you. That way you could remove those still unpermeated by the violence of it all to start a new life. You won't be able to influence the others, no matter how nice that would be.

    I honestly don't know what I'd do. Frankly, I'd likely move out and away, disowning them, if I had the means. Even if not I'd run away to a charity; there are many who deal with families coping with violence. I couldn't comprehend why anyone would think that violence was right in any form, and especially not in the current climate where if someone supposedly 'disrespects' someone by looking at them in the wrong way they could end up stabbed to death. In fact, if I ever heard anyone threaten to stab or harm someone I would avoid them forever, and possibly alert the police to the threat too. Selfish maybe, but it's self-preservation, and sometimes there is just nothing you can do to make things better.

    As for your parents, I think they've given up hope and feel powerless. In fact, they're taking out their frustration on you because they know out of all your siblings you're the one that respects them the most, as parents if not as people, I don't know what your feelings about them are. But that's classic, to be angry over someone who has too much control over you (i.e. by threat of violence) and to take this anger out on someone more benign.

  2. #22
    I'm a star. Kangirl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008


    That's a horrible situation, Berberella. Is the violent brother a drug user? Why do you think he is the way he is?

    If I were you, I would involve the police (again). He is assaulting people and making threats. I would even consider a hidden camera if I thought it would help (and if the police are half-assing it, video evidence *will* help).

    Am I right in thinking you have children? You've done the best thing for them by extricating yourself as well as you can from the family, and as soon as you can make sure your 15 y.o. sister is out of there and safe (hopefully with you) it would probably be best to cut off all contact completely, possibly even to the extent of moving and not letting anyone know where you are.

    Awful, though. I feel for you - that's a complex, tough situation, and although I'm offering thoughts, I have no idea how well I would deal with it. Not as well as you, almost certainly. Good luck.
    "Only an irrational dumbass, would burn Jews." - Jaguar

    "please give concise answers in plain English" - request from Provoker

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