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Socionics - Do you recognize your dual when you encounter them?

Chiharu

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My SO and I are duals. I was instantly drawn to him, but I figured that he was less interesting than I thought and that I was reading too much into him. Apparently, he noticed me too but thought that I wouldn't like someone like him.

Almost textbook, really.
 

sulfit

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Some duality descriptions:
Duality by V. Meged
Duality: short descriptions

No. I'm not really sure how to spot an ESFJ, to be honest. I know as an INTP (Socionics INTj) I'm supposed to complain about them all the time (but secretly they're supposed to be exactly what I need), but I'm not really sure if I've interacted with them very much, except for maybe some teachers I may have had in grade school.
There are a couple of videos of ESFjs towards the bottom: ESFj profile
They are usually energetic, quick-thinking, active, and warm but don't express their emotions very directly.

ESE is supposedly my dual and yet alot of them grate on me. I'm still skeptical of duality in socionics. I could be mistyping myself or the other person. Also even duals have conflicts at times.
Besides socionics, there is also matching by enneagram. Some enneagram and instinct combinations on ESFjs grate on me more than others. I knew an ESE 2 sx/so and that was unbearable, but later I met an another ESE who was 6 sp/so and she was very cool.
 

Azure Flame

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No. I'm not really sure how to spot an ESFJ, to be honest. I know as an INTP (Socionics INTj) I'm supposed to complain about them all the time (but secretly they're supposed to be exactly what I need), but I'm not really sure if I've interacted with them very much, except for maybe some teachers I may have had in grade school.

A lot of people mistake ESFJ for ENTP and ESTP. ESE's are people like robin williams and louis black.

[MENTION=5494]Amargith[/MENTION]

You need to get your personality correct for duality to work. You can still experience duality if your type is wrong, but you'll have to do it without theory and just go off of your gut instead. Your gut interactions with people IRL will always be more correct than your logical understanding of the theory. The only thing I know that points you toward INFp instead of ENFp is your secretiveness, and the fact that you haven't exploded into rage with me, as most ENFP's usually do within 5 minutes of getting to know me.

Meeting your dual over the internet doesn't work. IT HAS TO BE IN REAL LIFE. This is the only time you will experience all the phermones and invisible bullshit flowing between the two of you. I've met my dual online many many times, and as much as we get along with each other, it doesn't hold a candle to meeting them in real life. The way they behave is enough to make you get excited. What you'll find, is that both duals have to be "open" to notice one another. If they're closed off and guarded against one another, it barely works.

Anyway, yes I definitely feel the pull of my dual. At first I was very unsure if I wanted to date her or not, thinking, "hmm, I don't think she's my type." Because of this I ignored her for about a week, then saw her again and was like, "why am I being such a pussy?" So I ran up and forced myself to talk to her. After that, she was my absolute favorite girlfriend ever. (Circumstances prevented anything further between us).

Usually the biggest and most obvious sign is that, when you're done talking, there's a very compelling drive to speak to them again. Its this feeling of, "hey wait, come back!" But this feeling only happens if you open yourself up to that person when speaking to them. The other analogy I use, is it feels as if you're superman, and you just met another kryptonian. Suddenly this person becomes way more important than all the ordinary humans, and there is this sneaking suspicion of utter familiarity between the two. I'm certain this is akin to how people describe as meeting their "soul mate." My brother tests MBTI INTJ and is dating a very obvious ESI, and also describes her as his soul mate (which makes me think he could actually be LIE-Ni).
 

Azure Flame

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I actually got off the phone with a gal I suspect is IEI, we have a shit ton in common, (at least she makes it sound that way), and I had to initiate the entire conversation. She would just respond with 2 word enthusiastic answers. Remembering my duality training as an aggressor, I reminded myself not to take this as rejection, so I just kept trying and trying. Toward the end of the phone call, her total conversations started was zero, and we had a good 10 second awkward pause as I waited for her to say something. It didn't work, so I just continued on to ask her out for tomorrow (which I'm hoping is still on, :unsure:). When I said goodbye, she giggled and said ok. I got this gut feeling she was playing games with me, and that I passed. I've spoken to several girls of this type, and they've all done this to me.

I guess we'll see what happens tomorrow. She'll probably flake. They've also all flaked on me. So far everything is going as normal. :troll:
 

Azure Flame

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My SO and I are duals. I was instantly drawn to him, but I figured that he was less interesting than I thought and that I was reading too much into him. Apparently, he noticed me too but thought that I wouldn't like someone like him.

Almost textbook, really.

My dual has never rejected me when I approach. Never. But I'm also fairly good looking and have my shit together. So I can't speak for the runny nose googly eyed ESTp's out there.

I've had 2 of them tell me I'm out of their league, which ultimately isn't their decision and I keep talking to them anyway.
 

Lady_X

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so my dual would be istj or istp?
 

Lady_X

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Your dual, assuming ENFp (NeFi) for you would be ISTp (SiTe), which translates to ISTJ in MBTI/JCF terms.

right...okay thanks

well i was married to one forever and i was immediately drawn to him as a friend but i honestly thought it was just a magnetic friend energy....i guess it was for awhile...until it wasn't.
 

Ghost of the dead horse

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My socionics dual is a terrible type for me, I would have nothing to do with such an awful person. My wife is of a completely different type. I don't know what's the purpose of this socionics relationships matrix, even though I very much enjoyed it for theory for a long time.
 

21%

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I can't figure out socionics, but so far EII fits best -- so that makes my dual LSE (ESTj), and assuming that they are something like ESTJs, they can be quite grating at times. However, they can be fairly easy to communicate with and great fun to be around once you learn how to do it, and it helps that they don't get their feelings hurt all the time like feelers tend to do, so I can err a bit on communication strategies (unintentionally) and still don't offend them.
 

sulfit

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People pass by their duals because they think relationships should require more work and be more complicated than what they are seeing. They are taken aback by how easy things flow with the right dual.
 

chubber

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The duality relationship in Socionics is probably the most talked about and supposedly the strongest one.

"Meeting a dual, interacting with your dual, positive self-realization in a relationship knowing your dual (dualization), duality is the relationship of complete mutual complement…" (Read more here)


Do you feel that instant pull, that supposed connection when you meet someone who is your dual and what is it like? How do you know for sure? What is the dual connection about for you?


List of Duals, for those needing the reference. Keep in mind that your MBTI does not necessarily translate and feel free to check out the quadra threads and the identification thread for this, if need be.

LSE (ESTj) — EII (INFj)
LIE (ENTj) — ESI (ISFj)
ESE (ESFj) — LII (INTj)
EIE (ENFj) — LSI (ISTj)
SLE (ESTp) — IEI (INFp)
SEE (ESFp) — ILI (INTp)
ILE (ENTp) — SEI (ISFp)
IEE (ENFp) — SLI (ISTp)

I have met my dual and it was instant attraction. However, they all seemed to be married. Most ESFps(SEE) get married soon.

We work together. And we tip toe around each other. But not in a stand off way, the way you know you feel something, but the rules says you can't. We protect each other. For someone that is a go-getter like the ESFp. She stuck around, and prefers to sit next to me. I wanted to find a clone of her and ended up with a couple of ESFjs, because at first they appear very similar until after some time you see them getting tired of me. Bare in mind this is all before I even knew about MBTI and socionics. She fills something in me that makes me feel satisfied, I never feel jealous around her.

Since I learned about socionics, I've been trying to get away. But it is difficult. It is not her beauty, it is her personality. It really draws me in like a moth to a flame. I've come to learn the difference between the ESFp and the ESFj, and that is that I notice the ESFj faster and it escalates quicker, like a speed boat racing. Where as with the ESFp, my experience is like I am on this cruise liner and neither one of us have control over our destiny. (I know I'm romanticising it)

That's my take on it.

right...okay thanks

well i was married to one forever and i was immediately drawn to him as a friend but i honestly thought it was just a magnetic friend energy....i guess it was for awhile...until it wasn't.

Unfortunately for me, I have never been in a relationship with one so I can't say, what that intimate side of it looks like or would be. I wanted to find out, hence why I am here :D

People pass by their duals because they think relationships should require more work and be more complicated than what they are seeing. They are taken aback by how easy things flow with the right dual.

I would like to think this is true. It does seem to be that way for me.
 

five sounds

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My sister is ISTJ and so is a male friend. I definitely feel at-ease around them. Like we're both wherever we're at, but both of us are on the same page about how we feel about being there. Kind of like an unspoken "if we could telepathically crack jokes about everyone and everything here, we'd be having a field day" vibe. Lots of "looks" and laughs. Also, any kind of conversation always seems to be effortless, no bs. I'm never worried I'm offending them or that we're having a miscommunication. I also really appreciate their chilled out energy. I know if I don't get back to them or don't initiate contact for a while, there aren't any hard feelings (or probably even a second thought). Low maintenance, easy connections. That said, I don't think I'd ever be romantically interested in a person with either of their personalities. I fear I'd be mentally and emotionally starved in that relationship.
 

Doctor Cringelord

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ESTP women are incredibly sexy to me. I don't know if I could handle living with one though.
 

Amargith

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:thinking: So wait..where does this ENFP-ISTP thing come from them? I thought that that relationship was often explained as being duals.
 

Doctor Cringelord

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Are you going by the mbti letter scheme? because socionics flips J and P in the introverted types.
 

Amargith

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Are you going by the mbti letter scheme? because socionics flips J and P in the introverted types.

Lemme see if I can get this right...I believe most mbti ISTJs identify as a delta ISTp and most ISTPs as a beta ISTj :thinking:
 

chubber

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Lemme see if I can get this right...I believe most mbti ISTJs identify as a delta ISTp and most ISTPs as a beta ISTj :thinking:

Hey scattered brainy, you already forgot your own thread of duals... It's ENFp and ISTp :dry:

edit: the irony of this thread... haha
 

Amargith

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Hey scattered brainy, you already forgot your own thread of duals... It's ENFp and ISTp :dry:

edit: the irony of this thread... haha

I know that :p

Im trying to reconcile the two systems in my head, you :ranting: :smile:

On this forum, when ENFPs and ISTPs have been discussed wrt romantic click, often the dual from socionics was referenced as a reason. But that was before we actually got to talking Socionics on this forum. So now I'm wondering if there is anything to it at all.
 

chubber

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I know that :p

Im trying to reconcile the two systems in my head, you :ranting: :smile:

On this forum, when ENFPs and ISTPs have been discussed wrt romantic click, often the dual from socionics was referenced as a reason. But that was before we actually got to talking Socionics on this forum. So now I'm wondering if there is anything to it at all.

yeah but don't write it as ISTP because then you are insinuating that it is MBTI. ISTP on MBTI is ISTj on socionics...:doh:
 
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