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  1. #1

    Default INTP girl trying to flirt with an ISFJ male

    This is really weird to write down.
    Me and my ISFJ have known each other since June. We work together, and he is usually very quiet. When he sees me, he smiles, and we are usually just kind of staring at each other and smiling. We used to hang out a lot over the summer, because he also lives down the street from me. Nowadays, we don't hang out at all. Sometimes at work he will hold my hands and we just kind of smile at each other. UGH it's so awkward, but I like it though, haha.
    We almost slept together once, but it was under drunk circumstances and my sister scooped me away. I am having a birthday in December, and I invited him a couple of days ago. He seemed extremely thrilled. That day, he wanted to talk to me a lot, and he seemed to almost have burst out of his shell. He came to my station over and over that day, and according to my other coworkers (one of which is my sister) he was running around telling everyone I had invited him. He told me that he was so excited and that I made his day. The next day, he barely talked to me, lol. He can be confusing.
    I obviously don't know him that well, but because of how ridiculously socially inept I am, I don't really now how to get to know him. Because I am really close to a group of girls I work with, a lot of people already know that I'm interested in him. It went through the grapevine or something. I feel like that could either be a good or a bad thing.
    Im basically looking for these things:

    1. How to initiate conversation with an ISFJ (or someone's you like in general)
    2. How to let an ISFJ know you like them without freaking them out or saying it in a really overt way, I don't know
    3. How to get close to an ISFJ

    Thanks for your help :')

  2. #2
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Apr 2007
    594 sx/sp
    LII Ne


    He sounds pretty typical for ISFJ. Everything's typically pretty quiet with ISFJs. It does sound like he likes you. His normal mode will be to internalize, though -- even if he's excited about something. Which is why he shows it away from you (to not pressure / intrude on you) but might seem quiet around you.

    I would just be down to earth, sincere, and state things pretty simply. Don't overcomplicate it. He'll probably be pretty earnest and good at answering if you ask; he just not might be good at initiating things. If you want to go out to do something, just ask him to go out to do something. If you want to know if he likes something, ask him if he likes it. Just be direct and simple. I would avoid huge declarations that might intimidate him or overt displays of negative emotion that would cow him. He probably also doesn't like lots of smack/negative talk about others or things; too much negativity might wear him down emotionally.

    Include him in things. He probably has a sense of courtesy/décor, so he won't invade your space or invite himself unless you clearly ask him in. This is a sign of respect, not reluctance. He feels valued (probably) when you actively include or invite him to things.

    He will probably express himself better (than words) by how he treats you and maybe doing small things for you. I think something as an INTP that is difficult is creating space in your life for others to invest in. We are very self-sufficient and autonomous. We don't usually feed like we "need" things from others at least in terms of want vs need, but this can sometimes rob others of the opportunity to give something to us -- their time, their help, whatever. He probably would like to be able to do things for you... and that's okay. It's okay for him to give that way and it's okay for you to let him, even if you could do something yourself easily. It would probably help him feel included.

    I think he would value little signs that you remember him / think of him. And spending time with him. And doing things together. And letting him give to you / the relationship, so when words might not be clear to him he can show he cares.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft
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  3. #3
    The Mysterious Stranger Gentleman Jack's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2016


    1. How to initiate conversation with an ISFJ (or someone's you like in general)
    Are you a part of their social group at all?

    2: How to let an ISFJ know you like them without freaking them out or saying it in a really overt way, I don't know
    Share some interests. Show them you care will little bits of practical things. (theyre usually taking care of their friends, they might be neglected with regard to their own interests)

    3. How to get close to an ISFJ
    Be patient. Gently assertive. Fun. Not too terribly loud.
    With all due respect,

    I'm the one who steps from the shadows, all trenchcoat and cigarette and arrogance, ready to deal with the madness. Oh, I've got it all sewn up. I can save you. If it takes the last drop of your blood, I'll drive your demons away. I'll kick them in the bollocks and spit on them when they're down, and then I'll be gone back into the darkness, leaving only a nod and a wink and a wisecrack. I walk my path alone... who would want to walk with me?

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