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  1. #1

    Default Struggles with ESFJ parents ?

    Hey, I don't know if anyone will respond to this, but I feel like I'm going crazy so I wanted to see if anyone can relate to this or give advice on how they got through it. I'm an ENFP with an ISTJ father and ESFJ mother. I can at least get along with my dad on the surface level, even though we view life very differently. We can go places together and it's usually not an overwhelming experience. I can't say the same for my ESFJ mother. My older sister endured epileptic seizures , surgeries, and other health struggles at a young age. Dealing with my mom on top of this made me feel like i had almost no control in my life. While I wrote fictional stories and poetry and started songwriting at a very young age - it didn't matter to her. All that seemed to matter was having a clean house and me looking nice. I always longed for a deep relationship with my parents - and to them this IS deep. They really believe that simply driving me places and making me food equates to a loving and deep relationship . I on the other hand, long for heart to heart conversations or any moments of empathy. When I try to say this, my mom takes extreme offense, throwing objects, yelling, and claiming I'm calling her a " bad mother." She'll then stop talking to me for weeks at a time being still offended. She's done this since I was around 10 and it's drained so much energy out of me. Enfps are filled with imagination and depth, yet I find myself constantly anxious and restless due to not measuring up to my mom's perfectionism and rigid rules, along with the way it seems like she's used guilt manipulation to stifle any of our feelings that she doesn't like. I'm 17 now and i really feel like I'm running out of ideas on how to make this work . I may just have to distance myself from her to get through it, for I feel as though she isn't seeking to see me for who I am.

  2. #2
    Problem? Grand Admiral Crunch's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    3w4 sp/so


    Your mom can't give you what isn't in her to give. Hopefully, you can find other people who will meet your needs.
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  3. #3
    Wild thoughts I, Tonya's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    6w7 so/sx
    EIE Ni


    Ugh, that's hard. I remember going through that. She had so much control over me amd could manipulate everyone against me in the family if she wanted to. I was scared of her physically, emotionally, and mentally.

    All I can say is spend most of your days away from the house as much as your parent's approve. If sheshe's manipulative use it against her. You can try fake love or kiss her ass.... Eww I hate remembering those moments.

    The only way mine stopped f*cking with me is when I became anti-social toward her, no reaction or response to what she said. Lock your door if you have to. Even if she asks, never respond... You know if you open up she'll f*ck u over anyways.

    Honestly, now the only way to shut her up is to offend her more. I yelled at her calling her a b*tch. Enforcing there won't be any crossing the line with me. Even when she tried to get my dad involved, I really told him idc and II'll say something worse if she doesn't shut up. There's a point where you gotta go from trying not to step on toes to stomping on them feet. Good luck sweetheart.
    Death is always an option.
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