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  1. #1
    Senior Member julesiscools's Avatar
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    Dec 2016

    Default Who even am I? Lmao.

    I originally posted this in an OLD "What's My Type" thread, just to get my thoughts out and try to figure it out for myself. Got absolutely no where with it, and realized I'd actually really like some insight from anyone who can be bothered to read through. If you do, thank you!

    It's been a while since I've been here, due to a lot of things. Mostly being busy, but also some serious life changes. Said changes has led to me second guessing my enneagram type (I've always thought I was a 4, but things have changed, I'll get into it in the questionnaire). So, though this thread originally started as me second guessing my MBTI - I'm pretty much 100% sure I'm ISFP - I couldn't be bothered to make a new thread to answer an Enneagram questionnaire. So here goes! Feel free to chime in!

    0. What's making you unsure of your type? What research have you already done to determine type?
    A few months ago, I walked away from a very unhealthy (toxic, manipulative, and codependent) friendship. One that had lasted about 13 years. Since then I've noticed a lot of changes within myself. Just generally feeling better and healthier and happier than I've been since, like, childhood. I've already done numerous tests, and a lot of reading. I'm planning on reading more too, since I've ordered a couple of books from the library. In the past, I regularly got the result of 4 (and said friend even continuously agreed, so much so that if I questioned it, she'd adamantly insist I was in fact a 4 and couldn't be anything else). Randomly, the other week I decided to test again out of boredom and got the result of 7. Which I've never, ever gotten before. EVER. So I read up on it, and while I still related to 4, I realized I've greatly noticed how much I have in common with the 7 description now that I'm out of this toxic friendship. That was long winded, sorry.

    1. Establish a "baseline mood"--when you're at home with nothing to do, where are you at mentally and emotionally? What do you notice in yourself? (Note, this is not a mood you inhabit "frequently", but your psychological baseline).
    I'm usually doing something. If I'm not doing something, I'm overthinking. So I do something. Even if it's clean/organize. Or journal. Or read. Or watch tv/movies. I generally like to keep myself occupied anymore. I definitely DID NOT used to be like this. I used to wallow, a lot. In everything.

    2. Describe yourself--
    a. What's it like to be you?

    I overthink everything, and I can spend a lot of time in my head. Hence the journaling, it helps me get it out without it consuming me. I daydream pretty often, especially about things I want to do, like traveling. Would that be more like planning than daydreaming? Either way, I like to think about the things I want to do, even if I don't always get to do them. I definitely worry a little too much about what others think of me, but I feel like everyone does that. And I try to be considerate of others, and what they're going through. Also, very easily anxious/nervous, but I do have anxiety.
    b. What have others said about you?
    The good? That I'm kind, considerate, and sweet. I've also had my intelligence compared to Hermione. The bad? Bossy, more than anything. Sometimes bitchy, but that's usually when I'm hangry.
    c. What do you think of yourself?
    I think that I'm human, and that any faults that I have aren't permanent. It's human nature to grow and change. I think that it's important to try to be the best version of yourself, not for others, but for you. Point is, I accept my faults and my strengths, and if I don't like anything about myself enough, I can change it.

    3. What are the issues you've dealt with in life? List some recurrent themes, and tell us a little about each one.
    Funnily enough, I've started to realize that I reoccuring theme in my life seems to be dealing with relationships with manipulative/toxic people. I've had some not so great boyfriends (and best friends). All of which I've had to realize with all of them that I needed to stop putting my worth in what I could give other people. Another theme seems to be control, or rather that I need to learn that I can't control anything but myself and my actions. Everything else just is what it is, and I have to let that be. And by control, I don't mean making others do what I want. I just get a good bit of stress when people don't do the things or react to things like I would.

    4. You're not good at everything--
    a. What personality traits and/or ways of being are impossible for you to adopt?

    Being irresponsible is just not in my nature. By irresponsible, I mean that I'm incapable of doing things that I know will cause physical harm to myself or others. Like unsafe sex, and hard drugs. I'm also really hard on myself for not being more extroverted for some reason, like it makes me mad that I don't enjoy being around people more.
    b. What are qualities you'd like to have, but can't seem to develop?
    As said above, being more extroverted. Being less anxious, in general, would also be nice.

    5. Why have you left friends and other relationships in the past and/or why have they left you?
    I can't think of being left by any friends, unless boyfriends that cheat count. In which case, I don't know. I never bothered to ask why. For me, though, I generally leave when I feel a sense of betrayal that we can't come back from. This recent friendship ended because of a cruel reaction they had to me not doing what they wanted because I was sick. And through that I had a lot of conversations with other friends, and family, about the nature of this friendship. Turns out, they were all very uncomfortable with said friendship, and I was eventually able to see the manipulative nature of this friend. I literally couldn't say no to someone without feeling sick to my stomach because how often this friend reacted badly to me saying no. Not fun.

    6. Which types do you identify with most?
    a. How do you relate to these types?

    I identify with 4 due to it's creative nature, and the ability to look deeply into one's self and emotions. Or well, I used to relate to the latter. But is wallowing really being able to look deeply? Probably not. Because anymore (and even as a child) I tend to preoccupy myself when I start to feel bad. Or I distract myself with other thoughts, which I believe is a 7 thing. As for the other types, I can relate to 1's nitpicking, 2's compassion, 3's love for aesthetics, 5's search for knowledge and detachment from others, 6's planning for every possible outcome, 8's tell it like it is attitude, and 9's dislike for conflict and confrontation.
    b. How do you NOT relate to them?
    What I don't relate with? 1's self-criticizing and desire to be perfect, I'm human and therefore inherently flawed, perfection is a lie. 2's manipulative nature, I would never treat others the way I've been treated in the past. 3's desire to be the center of attention, while I can manage if I have to, I hate every minute of the spotlight. 4's desire to be special....I don't really care, I am who I am. 5's emotional detachment, I feel too much to ever fit that part of a 5. 6's fear of absolutely everything, I have anxiety but there's still a lot of stuff that it what it is? 7's outgoing nature, I love to do new things and go to new places and explore but I do it alone fairly often....also their indulgent nature, I might shop a little more than I should, but the more dangerous vices are not my thing. 8's aggressiveness, I can be bossy but if it ever came to a physical fight, I'd probably bail. 9's passiveness, while I dislike conflict and confrontation, I'm a little to "tell it like it is" to be a 9, I think.

    7. Which types are least like you?
    a. Why specifically do you not relate to these types?

    Probably 8 or 9, and maybe 1.
    b. What points (if any) DO you relate to?
    I pretty much answered both of these questions in the prior one.

    8. They claim enneagram type is a hidden love need. What are your attitudes toward finding love?
    One, that it will happen when it happens. I fully believe that there are some things in life that don't come your way until you're ready for it and the lesson it will teach you. Two, that there are many forms of love. Romantic love is not the end all and be all of love. You will find people who love you everywhere. Be it your friends, family, or pets.

    9. What is the message your superego tells you? Consider a time when you felt poorly about yourself--this means your ego (i.e. YOU) is receiving negative feedback from your superego. Write a conversation between the two of them--what is your superego telling you about how to be? (Note: this obviously is very personal and may be better done privately. Report your findings).
    I think I touched on this a little bit earlier. I'm pretty hard on myself for not being more extroverted, and for not enjoying spending more time around people. I always feel really awful after being around people for a while because it's gets really obvious when I need to get away from them. I get either quiet and closed off, or snippy and cranky. Joan (my inner critic) often tells me to suck it up. I also feel really bad when I say no to people I care about, like if they want to do something I really don't want to do, saying no is very hard. But I'm working on that.

    For the following, rank the issues in the order they apply and give a brief description of why and how you relate.

    10. Determine your ego ideal--the way you strive to be and want others to perceive you. (Note, you may be consciously aware of failing at this, and you will be hard on yourself if you do. If someone else tells you you're NOT this way, it may make you feel hurt, violated, or angry.)
    Lmao. How many times am I going to say being more extroverted and out-going. Maybe I'm projecting this desire and just wishing I were a 7.

    Which of the following ideals resonate with you the most, and why? Rank them.
    7- to be "okay", having it together
    8- to be devoted and loyal to a person or cause
    3- to be sensitive, original, unique, and creative
    4- to be knowlegeable
    6- to be powerful, strong, unassailable.
    5- to be accomplished and successful
    9- to strive to become/behave like a good person
    2- to be a loveable person
    1- to be loving and benevolent

    11. Determine your "felt sense" of life. To do this it may help to look at how you perceive events. Another way to do this is to look back at your childhood and think of all the things your parents did to you. How did you/do you feel about these events?
    I mean, generally how I perceive events is pretty dramatic some of the times. Lots of things are inconvenient when they happen, especially if they're things I don't like. And they stress me out. If I go about this with how my parents treated me as a child, it's a little weird. I have an older sister who, at that age, was like a second guardian to me. And I definitely felt like I was abandoned by her. I was 7 when she got married and moved out, and while she babysat me a lot, she also babysat her niece, who got all of the attention. I was ignored and left alone a lot. My parents.....I guess ignored me a bit too? Well, my dad drank back then, so he was rarely around. But my mom didn't ignore me at all, we were super tight, and still are. She's my best friend, and she was back then too. We spent every friday night going out to dinner together and spending time with each other. .....I'm really not getting this question, to be honest.

    Here are some common "felt senses" of life:
    Ah, I see. It's probably just easier to say which I relate to most:
    - I must do everything to maintain my world
    - I have a sense of being unimportant, insignificant, and undeserving of attention
    - I feel imperfect, not (good) enough
    - I have been abandoned and I am inherently flawed
    - I'm outside the natural unfoldment of things
    - People have wronged and messed with me
    - I feel isolated, cut off, and ultimately separate
    - I have felt weak and/or vulnerable to attack
    - I've had a sense of being rejectable

    12. Core fears. You may have been aware of these fears even as a very small child, before anyone did anything to influence it. You'd be mortified to be in this position or have others perceive you this way.
    Making myself vulnerable and then being taken advantage of. Of being stuck somewhere and being unhappy. I definitely consider myself as a bit commitment phobic, also scared of intimacy (emotional intimacy that is).

    Discuss which fears have played the greatest role in your life:
    - Creating conflict by making myself or my needs too obvious: Yeah, I have a hard time voicing my needs. Makes me kind of nauseous.
    - Rejection, being needy, and not being loved: Rejection isn't something that bothers me too much anymore, as I've gotten older. Either you like me or you don't.
    - Weak and not being on top of things: Eh, not a fear.
    - Failure: Also not a fear, failing at something isn't the end of the world.
    - Being abandoned, sadness, feeling lost: Probably tied to my having a hard time voicing my needs? I don't fear being lost, or sad. But I do fear abandonment.
    - Entanglements and losing what I have: A little bit? Maybe? I'm learning to let go of attachments though, I think that's important.
    - Something is basically wrong with me--I'm not good enough: Not a fear. I am who I am.
    - Boredom, grunt work, and being exposed as a charlatan: I don't get bored?
    - A lot--everything and everyone to one degree or another. It's very generalized.: Even as someone with anxiety, I don't relate. At all.

    Okay! So, I don't fully expect anyone to read this or give their insight. I mostly filled this out to clear my head and sort out my thoughts. If you got this far and are wondering what those are, good question! Because I have no idea. Just as lost as ever. Lmao.

    Thank you!
    “Note to self: Don’t seek to be relevant, or liked, seek to be undeniable. Seek to be compassionate. Seek integrity. Seek humility. Seek Light.”
    johari | nohari

  2. #2
    Senior Member j.c.t.'s Avatar
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    Jul 2018
    593 sp/so
    LII Ne


    Do you feel comfortable making a thread like this? Because that might say something about your type, you know.

  3. #3
    Senior Member julesiscools's Avatar
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    Dec 2016


    Quote Originally Posted by j.c.t. View Post
    Do you feel comfortable making a thread like this? Because that might say something about your type, you know.
    Good insight! I suppose if I didn't feel comfortable making it, I wouldn't have.
    “Note to self: Don’t seek to be relevant, or liked, seek to be undeniable. Seek to be compassionate. Seek integrity. Seek humility. Seek Light.”
    johari | nohari

  4. #4
    Junior Member Lost Child's Avatar
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    Sep 2018
    5w6 sp/so



    just guessing
    Likes j.c.t. liked this post

  5. #5
    People Order Our Patties The Tsarevich's Avatar
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    Jun 2013
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    :-( None


    Check my standard disclaimer about online typing.

    I'm not really getting 7 from this particular response (I'm the one that made the questionnaire), and I can elaborate if you want me to.

    What do you think about being a 2? You mentioned a number of things that caught my eye... Also what do you think about 9? And I know you said you were thinking about other types, but I think 4 could still be an option--I didn't especially see anything 4ish in here, but worth noting that you do often test that way. Six isn't an awful suggestion, but I didn't really see anything that made me think "this person is definitely 6". You mentioned "anxiety" in many places, but it's possible to have a disorder or just be a physically nervous person, and it's not the same as having core 6 psychology. So I'd want to know more about that.
    Formerly known as Sanjuro.
    You can still call me that if you want.

    *Need enneagram questionnaire?

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