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  1. #21
    pretentious poetess SurrealisticSlumbers's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTerran View Post
    What is it about a person that makes you want to pursue a relationship with a person?
    I'm thinking you're a bit young yet. Simply put, it's how the human race - yes, you and me, are wired - unless you are deeply autistic or a clinical narcissist. "Pair bonding," it's a thing!

    As the song goes, "The greatest thing you'll ever learn / Is just to love and be loved in return"
    The dead can't talk.
    But if they could, what would they have to say?
    Forty years ago, a "mystery couple" (possibly from outside the U.S.) spent some time in South Carolina, vacationing. Or were they?
    No way to know now... They were shot at close range and left for dead on the side of the road, for reasons unknown.
    They remain unidentified.


    What happened?

  2. #22
    Wake, See, Sing, Dance Cellmold's Avatar
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    Put simply: I don't, or at least very rarely.

    I've got quite a low sex drive and intimacy is a block for me. I don't know many, if any, who want a sexless relationship with little intimacy. The problem is I can talk about any issues I'm experiencing, quite freely, but I don't feel any weight behind the words.

    I hold no emotional connection to my personal issues beyond anger and misery & frankly people don't want to be around someone like that so I've taken great lengths to make sure that it is buried deep. Now I know that is immediately unhealthy, but the reason is that my emotional content is largely ephemeral and inconsequential, but nevertheless has a strong hold on me, so when certain subjects come up, if I don't stay vigilant, it's like a tide of vitriol coming out and it appears to be endless. No attempt to seek out help has ever ended well or with a resolution.

    So the only reasonable approach I feel I can take is enormous amounts of self-control and suppression. I tend to take a pseudo-philosophical bent in my pursuit of this, reminding myself that my pains are largely illusory, that there are much worse situations to be in, that relatively those issues will always be minute in comparison & that there are always much much worse situations to be in.

    Despite this, there is a part of me that seems to want to hold onto that pain and dwell on it (without meaning to make it sound like I'm passing responsibility...it is still 'me' for an uncounted amount of 'me-ness' that thinks this) and so I don't think anyone has ever hurt me so much that I should subject them to this in a prolonged relationship.

    I'm fine with brief or superficial relations, people tend not to see any of the issues when I keep things to that level. It's when I have to be in close proximity to the same person or people for a long time outside of a work context...then it becomes a problem. On top of that, all I really do is work (and not with a great deal of reward either) and so I don't think it's fair to others when I haven't sorted my shit out.

    Any person who could love me in that intimate way would have to have a immeasurably tough nature.

    Maybe in 10-15 years time, when I am more settled and hopefully more financially secure.....although I'll be pretty old by then.

    The other side to this is that I find social relationships quite difficult, I have to work extremely hard to interact on a normal level & I'm constantly aware that if I slip up, the dam will burst and my bile will come out and people will see me for what I really am.

    I just don't relate to other people very well, despite having a similar life when compared with some of them.

    Yet I remain an extraverted personality.
    'One of (Lucas) Cranach's masterpieces, discussed by (Joseph) Koerner, is in it's self-referentiality the perfect expression of left-hemisphere emptiness and a precursor of post-modernism. There is no longer anything to point to beyond, nothing Other, so it points pointlessly to itself.' - Iain McGilChrist

    Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
    "Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
    Piglet was comforted by this.
    - A.A. Milne.

  3. #23
    Junior Member GirlSmartStreet's Avatar
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    i think people usually pursue happiness, and expect to have it in a relationship. But in fact, it is much more complicated. I mean, i don't think i am unhappy now. And i am single. And being in a relationship can make people unhappy too sometimes.

    But a human could simply feel lonely, no matter how loner a human is. Afraid of being suddenly alone makes people want to have an exclusive someone.

    Personally, i never really pursue a relationship. But i had tested the water a lot. I've dated a lot of times, but it is a bit too hard for me to commit one. A Healthy relationship needs consistant nurturing, heart, time, and sincerity. And i don't think i can put so much effort right now. if an exlusive relationship can level up my happiness, i don't think i have to rush it. I don't feel happy or unhappy right now, and i'm okay with that. There are a lot of things other than a relationship i want to figure out.

  4. #24
    was here that's not my name's Avatar
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    I don't. If they happen, they hsppen.
    Life is a work of art.

  5. #25
    Junior Member punkermit's Avatar
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    Companionship and partnership.

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