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  1. #11
    stable genius Powehi's Avatar
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    @Fornatsu

    It is difficult to feel that uncertainty and loss when you get very emotionally invested. After living a long time, I would say that generally the deepest and most meaningful connections are not fragile. If the connection you made with her has an unusual depth, you may find your way back to each other, or maybe this experience gave you a glimpse into what a deep and meaningful connection is for you.

    FWIW I would say that this experience provided a glimpse into your future, into what you value and want for yourself. As time goes by, maybe this connection with this specific person will happen again after she has enough time to figure her life out, and maybe your next connection will share this same quality and depth. I think you will have more of this feeling and connection in your future whether it is with her or what she represents for you, if that makes sense.

    One thing I have found in life is that if a person can really see and value me, they will have genuine attraction to me, and if that desire to be with me is lacking, then maybe the connection was never what I imagined it to be. Maybe whatever I imagined is still possible, but it will need to be with someone who values and wants me back. I use first-person pronouns, but mean for that to apply to people in general as a consideration. I think rejection is a great filter for realizing the true nature of the connection in the first place. Perhaps time will bring this one back.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    It's pretty common. It's called "fantasizing".
    Is it really tho ?

    Do you fantasize every time you try to plan the future or do you only apply that definition when it comes to social aspects ? What's the difference between a fantasma and a prediction according to you ?

    Is it that the first is often correlated to an emotional output while the latter is more supposedly logical ?

    As an INTJ do you make plans to effectively react to situations ? How would it be different ? Are you fantasizing based on possible outcomes or are you planning it ?

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Powehi View Post
    @Fornatsu

    It is difficult to feel that uncertainty and loss when you get very emotionally invested. After living a long time, I would say that generally the deepest and most meaningful connections are not fragile. If the connection you made with her has an unusual depth, you may find your way back to each other, or maybe this experience gave you a glimpse into what a deep and meaningful connection is for you.

    FWIW I would say that this experience provided a glimpse into your future, into what you value and want for yourself. As time goes by, maybe this connection with this specific person will happen again after she has enough time to figure her life out, and maybe your next connection will share this same quality and depth. I think you will have more of this feeling and connection in your future whether it is with her or what she represents for you, if that makes sense.

    One thing I have found in life is that if a person can really see and value me, they will have genuine attraction to me, and if that desire to be with me is lacking, then maybe the connection was never what I imagined it to be. Maybe whatever I imagined is still possible, but it will need to be with someone who values and wants me back. I use first-person pronouns, but mean for that to apply to people in general as a consideration. I think rejection is a great filter for realizing the true nature of the connection in the first place. Perhaps time will bring this one back.
    Thanks for your time. Alot of what you said seems abit abstract to me but you do have a point when stating that if the attraction was genuine, probabilities are it'll happen again
    Likes Powehi liked this post

  4. #14
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fornatsu View Post
    Is it really tho ?

    Do you fantasize every time you try to plan the future or do you only apply that definition when it comes to social aspects ? What's the difference between a fantasma and a prediction according to you ?

    Is it that the first is often correlated to an emotional output while the latter is more supposedly logical ?

    As an INTJ do you make plans to effectively react to situations ? How would it be different ? Are you fantasizing based on possible outcomes or are you planning it ?
    We're talking about you, not me. We're talking about a woman you want to be in a romantic relationship with. The reality of that relationship appears to be no relationship. Hence everything you are thinking or saying regarding this nonexsistant romantic relationship someone told you they don't want to have with you is called fantasizing.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.
    Likes Peter Deadpan liked this post

  5. #15
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    When I was about that age, I told a guy I dated for a few months that I wasn't over my previous ex and that I needed to end things with him. I did get back with my previous ex, but guess what? I don't think I "wasn't over him" looking back. I think that I wasn't super into my present partner and I wanted it done with, but I didn't want to be alone, so I went back to what was familiar. I was young, dumb, and self-centered.

    She's either not over her ex or she just needs an excuse to end things. I don't know which is the truth, but either way, you do deserve someone who wants to be with you.

    Also, as a professional fantasizer, I'll advise you to not waste too much time and emotional energy on someone who is wishy-washy about their interest in you. It's a great way to damage your self-esteem and close you off to other more fulfilling possibilities.

    I'm sorry it didn't work out for you. It sucks and hurts, and it's normal to spend a little time there, processing and imagining what might have been different. That reflection is necessary for growth as it teaches us what we may do in a similar future situation, but don't get stuck there.

  6. #16
    Iron Maiden Fidelia's Avatar
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    I think you can take it as an exercise in figuring out what it is about her that you felt especially connected to and look for that in the future.

    If she just came out of an eight year relationship, five months is not a long time to get over someone that you shared your childhood with, had a lot of shared history with and a lot of firsts with. She needs some time to figure herself out as an adult and decide what she wants.

    You can wait on the off chance that in two or three years, the stars will align and she is available and feels the same way about you and you still like her, or you can move on, recognizing that it was bad timing but that the friendship was great and you have more information about yourself than you did before to inform future relationships.

  7. #17
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    Well you guys might have been right.

    I had to "talk" to one of her friend related to work. 1 hour later she talked to me for 24 hours with a "I'm not flirting with you but I'm" attitude, asking for compliments, ironically acting and so on.

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