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    daisies and thunderstorms c-jade's Avatar
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    Oct 2015

    Default What's my Enneatype? 3, 4, 6??

    Hi everyone! I'm back for the first time in yeaaaars and I am SUPER confused about my enneagram type. I've gone back and forth for years now and I've started joking that maybe I'm "divergent," but the idea of not having a clear-cut answer makes my skin crawl, so that joke just won't stick. I wanna hear your thoughts!

    First, I do think that SX and SP are probably my top two instincts, with SX first. I am super passionate and pretty intense/intimidating, which is why on internet tests I get type 8 a lot. I don't relate to the inner fears/desires of an 8 at all though, so I haven't spent that much time considering it.

    For a long time I thought I was a 1. Then I switched to 4, because while I am definitely principled and perfectionistic, I am not...rigid...the way that a 1 is? I don't have that stoic angle, you know? I'm generally a very bubbly and larger-than-life personality; very people-focused and excitable, but also a strong leader and pretty bossy, if I'm being honest. I thought I was a 4 because I related a lot to the getting lost in my imagination, pulling back from the world, feeling different from everyone, thinking there's no way to fix me because there's something inherently off. But over time I also second-guessed 4, because I really am such a gregarious personality.

    Someone then suggested 3w4. I think I could be a 3w4...I am confident while also being super NOT confident, I'm very very aware of what people think of me. I watch people closely, easily notice the cues of what they need, and shift to be that person. sometimes I wonder if the only time I'm fully myself is when I'm alone or with like...the two or three people I trust enough to let go around. I really want the approval of authority and I love being the center of attention. I want to be the most impressive person in the room, and this desire is usually at odds with my strong heart to love people DEEPLY and truly and make them know just how special and important they are. I also definitely struggle with feelings of worthlessness, of not being enough, and I remember growing up feeling like the only way to get people to love you was to impress them. To be funny. To be smart. To be charming. But, I ended up second-guessing being a 3 because I really am not job-obsessed. I am definitely an ENFP so I'm ALL over the place with my goals and dreams; and while I have BIG ones, I'm usually afraid to go after that headlong and will more dance around the ideas of what I want to do, rather than actually doing them. I'm a big idealist and I often get stuck in the daydream of things (again, 4-like), but I lack the courage to go after it. I struggle to believe in myself.

    SO recently I've started wondering if I'm a 6...? I actually tend to be SO annoyed by the general description of a 6 because I'm like...buck the f*ck up and stop being such a noodle!!!! Like the whole "OH NO MAKE SURE THE FRONT DOOR IS LOCKED ALWAYS!" and "I just...I just...I just don't know, can someone else decide??" those things get under my skin SO BAD and I have a really hard time loving those people the way I so easily love others (I am so sorry to anyone that might offend). So the idea of being a 6 makes me wanna gag a little, because I don't think I'm that anxious of a person. I don't remember in childhood feeling like I needed someone's support all the time... My mom says on my first day of daycare I was like, "peace out mom!" and ran off immedaitely. I remember spending a lot of time alone growing up and enjoying it, and I've always been really dramatic and confident in my ability to hold the attention of a room. But at the same time, I don't trust myself to go after the things I want, I really want to earn the adoration of those in power/authority, and in romantic relationships what I really want most is someone to feel safe with, someone who will take care of me for once the way I take care of everyone else. Like I just want the chance to actually let my guard down for once and feel safe. I tend to be the person that makes others feel safe, while not feeling safe myself and desperately desiring that.

    So. I currently would guess I'm either 3w4, 4w3, 6w7, or 6w5. Someone the other day did guess social 7, and I will say that the description for a social 7 by Beatrice Chestnut rang very true for me...but I don't really relate to the fear of depravity stuff.

    Sorry for the MASSIVE information vomit. Feel free to ask follow-up questions to better understand! I'm excited to hear others' thoughts. Thanks for reading!
    Last edited by c-jade; 05-26-2020 at 08:04 AM.
    you are enough, and not too much.

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