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  1. #11
    Amethyst's Queen ♚ Bismuth Blitz's Avatar
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    At what age did you find a passion? It can be any interest that persisted for a long time.

    14, that's when I got into typology. Unfortunately, I've lost a lot of my passion over the years. Like art. I still enjoy art, but I was younger I was beading necklaces and following those DragoArt tutorials. These days, I can't focus on a drawing for more than 10 minutes. It is pretty sad. Outside of typology, I don't have any special hobbies or skills. I have interests of course, but yeah. I like art but I'm not an artist, I like gaming but I'm not a full on gamer.

    - was there a point in childhood where you found that you developed opposite traits to your normal personality?

    A few points. In middle school, I started becoming more and more introverted. In elementary school I was more ambiverted, but over time I just become extra shy. I went from being a fashionista to wearing duller clothes because I was afraid of people staring at me. I used to be all spunky, but then I became quiet and apathetic and broody. It's interesting, I remember a girl saying I was NOT shy when I was like 6, but then I found some old 3rd grade report card where my teacher wanted to help with my shyness. But yeah, 4th grade was the most memorable year. I never really came out of that shyness(except I wear what I want now).

    I was actually very feisty as a child, but as a teenager I learned to chill out. I was a huge troll, I was yelling, kicking papers under desk, arguing with everyone online. Nowadays, I'm a shy bean who is too shy to say hi to her own parents and make doctors appointments and can't stand up for themselves. Apparently a lot of 9s are angry children, so that could be it.

    I'm also less ambitious than when I was younger. It's not that I'm without ambition, I just lost the spark and energy. I still wanna work hard and make money, but I'm not the same internet famemonger I was as a kid. I guess it's just another lost passion, or I got lazy or something.

    - was there a point in your youth when you decided you wanted to be greater, and really excel in something?

    Eh, I've been that way for as long as I can remember

    - was there a point where you felt your old personality "die away", and perhaps adopted a more spiritual mindset?

    That's what it feels like these days. Not so much spiritual in the sense of religion, but more soul searching and following personal goals.

    - do you find that over the years, you become increasingly and increasingly further along in how deep you understand reality?

    Indeed, that life for the most part isn't as complicated as it seems, and also learning to be more practical
    When the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep
    Drive on engines 'til they weep
    With future pixels in factories far away

    ︵‿︵‿୨୧‿︵‿︵
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  2. #12
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
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    At what age did you find a passion? It can be any interest that persisted for a long time.

    There was no ‘finding,’ for me. It always has been.

    - was there a point in childhood where you found that you developed opposite traits to your normal personality?

    Yes. My father died when I was 9. My unstable mother dated an abusive man for a few yrs afterward. I wondered what the point was for all of this fear & pain. I lived in the Deep South then, & the only answer to any of that I got was, “It’s in God’s hands, it’s all God’s plan.” That wasn’t a sufficient explanation. I became more outspoken about questioning authority, questioning religion (in fact, I was asked not to return to Sunday school when I was 10-11 for supposedly blaspheming the lord by questioning if God had allowed Satan to tempt him with the sin of pride when he’d decided to prove Job’s unconditional devotion to him through repeated tragedy & loss. Questions like that weren’t permitted, & I had many, but that one was deemed most offensive). Ordinarily, I thrived on achievement & praise from adults— I was a quieter, very compliant ‘Lisa Simpson’ sort— but my baseline sense of trust & default respect for adults had been forever altered by multiple life events. I began thinking for myself, more, & requiring their inconsistent praise less.


    - was there a point in your youth when you decided you wanted to be greater, and really excel in something?

    For a long time I struggled with low self worth— by default I didn’t believe I was capable of being anything, or excelling in anything, regardless of want, which I squashed down with self-defeating thoughts instilled by yrs of emotional & physical abuse. I really didn’t know what to do with myself. I struggled between keeping my head above water & giving up, letting the subconscious weights tied to my feet pull me under. However, when I was 18, seeing my 20yr old brother 2 weeks postmortem in his casket— something shifted then. Facing your own mortality with a more adult sort of awareness does that. I wanted to live, desperately, all that I could, regardless of any noise in my head from my past. And I wanted to help anyone I cared about do the same, find the innermost drive & ride it out to self-actualization. To find, become & live as their best self.

    - was there a point where you felt your old personality "die away", and perhaps adopted a more spiritual mindset?

    I’m not spiritual at all— I do not actively believe in or worship any dietythough I do hope a Cat Heaven exists. But, I’d say, I’ve always been myself. That has never been lost. I have grown, & I have had moments in my life where there was a shedding of the old skin that no longer fit the core. I’ve seen a lot of death in my life (more than just the 2 previously mentioned), & those experiences nearly always lead to some degree of post-traumatic growth. Therapy also led to growth, letting go of old ways of thinking, rewiring certain conditioned fear-responses that I’d had to tiptoe around before. Learning, loving without fear, having new, peak experiences. These all led to shedding old skins. And there was a distinct ‘feeling’ of that taking place, that I recall, many times, throughout my late teens, 20s, & early 30s.


    - do you find that over the years, you become increasingly and increasingly further along in how deep you understand reality?

    I’m 35. The older I get, the less I am certain of many things. The need for certainty has changed. My depth of understanding lays in that there is much I may never fully grasp. And the more at peace I’ve become with that unknown, the more at peace I’ve become with existing in general. The more I come back to myself. We make ourselves, every day. We’re here til we’re not. That’s what I know.
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.
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  3. #13
    alchemist Legion's Avatar
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    @Lexicon sounds like post-traumatic growth is somewhat the theme there. I had also associated the events in my life I mentioned with traumas/life-changing events.

    @Bismuth Blitz I was similar regarding the shyness. It sounds like you're at least in the Self stage, the things you say line up with what I was getting at.

  4. #14
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Legion View Post
    @Lexicon sounds like post-traumatic growth is somewhat the theme there. I had also associated the events in my life I mentioned with traumas/life-changing events.
    Yeah. While I wish certain things hadn’t happened, the events did make what actually mattered in my life snap into focus, cleared away the fog.
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.
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  5. #15
    Kawaii Jazzy Orchid's Avatar
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    ooofffff this shall be a train wreck.

    At what age did you find a passion? It can be any interest that persisted for a long time.: If I had to pick a passion that's persisted it would be music and writing. I began enjoying music at about 10 years old and by like, 12 years old I was writing my own lyrics and at 14 I began trying to write actual novels and stories. It is the one passion that's always "existed" from my childhood. I have flip flopped a thousand other things otherwise.

    Also related questions:
    - was there a point in childhood where you found that you developed opposite traits to your normal personality?: I used to be extremely outgoing and wanted to love and befriend everyone. I would come home depressed about not being liked or being isolated in social groups. After exiting the emotionallly abusive online relationships, one-sided friendships, and brief therapy I turned opposite into a sort of distrusting hermitage around 17-18 years old. I was no longer this outgoing open book who loved people.

    - was there a point in your youth when you decided you wanted to be greater, and really excel in something?: I don't think I ever "thought" that way per say. I always thought of skipping college all together and just running off to try to be a singer but that really isn't doable in my situation.

    - was there a point where you felt your old personality "die away", and perhaps adopted a more spiritual mindset?: I think at 16, after spending 10 days in a psyche ward, I realized one of the things I really needed to stop doing was seeking validation of myself, my interests and passions, and accomplishments from other people. They are unpredictable and you cannot solely make them happy. I ended up seeking God more for validation and purpose rather than seeking people. It was a hard habit to break though.

    - do you find that over the years, you become increasingly and increasingly further along in how deep you understand reality?: I think I realize more and more how broken, fucked up, this world is. Of course many of these people have been hurt, but more and more I realize how hurt people really DO hurt people. And I've been working my hardest to not be that person anymore who is hurt and then takes my hurt out on the world. I am also trying to keep my pain "centered" per say. Like, just because that online creep hurt me so badly, does not mean every guy remotely interested in me is going to hurt me. It doesn't mean every compliment is flattery. I cannot blame the world for one bad person. I have been working really hard to try and fix those broken pieces from that. Or centralize the real anger: that Satan is laughing while you're crying. Lil bitch.
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  6. #16
    Amethyst's Queen ♚ Bismuth Blitz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Legion View Post
    @Lexicon sounds like post-traumatic growth is somewhat the theme there. I had also associated the events in my life I mentioned with traumas/life-changing events.

    @Bismuth Blitz I was similar regarding the shyness. It sounds like you're at least in the Self stage, the things you say line up with what I was getting at.
    What do you mean by "Self stage" exactly? I'm wondering if my shyness is associated with traumas too. I say I was more ambiverted btw because while I still craved my alone time, I wasn't really all that shy. Like I could walk up to people and talk to them with ease and was just more sociable but I still preferred to do projects by myself and liked to play alone with imaginary characters. But yeah, looking back at the time, I started getting shyer when there was a lot of fighting at home and I came to school moody. That, and in middle school a lot of people found me cringy so that made me lose confidence. So yeah. You said you were similar to me-were you more ambiverted like me or were you really outgoing and then just changed all of a sudden? I wonder if we would have been different types if we didn't experience that sudden change? Though I'm not sure it'd change our dominant function(albeit 7 is a bit young to be typed).
    When the paralytic dreams that we all seem to keep
    Drive on engines 'til they weep
    With future pixels in factories far away

    ︵‿︵‿୨୧‿︵‿︵

  7. #17
    Senior Member cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Legion View Post
    At what age did you find a passion? It can be any interest that persisted for a long time.
    I 'found' a passion for birds when I was around 10, viewing a bird field guide to North America, filled with photographs of all 700+ birds, of my grandfathers. Had I not seen that book, I am not sure I would have 'found' it -- at least that early. Who knows these things, right? What would have happened had I not seen that book? But passion for nature and environmental issues sprouted from there, whether due to starting to go birding at a young age, or due to science classes in school, or a combination of things.

    I'd say my other 'passions' were things I didn't necessarily 'find', such as being drawn to art at a young age; perhaps more just a natural inclination that had the opportunity to be fed via the act of going to school, where this sort of thing was part of the curriculum.

    And I always had a passion for reading; I think we 'find' things by being presented them at some point, and either having a natural affinity for it, in which case we dive in, or we just relatively immediately chuck it.

    My passion for nature photography started around age 25 - it was just a natural progression / 'next step' to my already being passionate about the outdoors and going on hikes, etc.

    Also related questions:
    - was there a point in childhood where you found that you developed opposite traits to your normal personality?
    My childhood was a long time ago. I am almost 42 now. I don't think - for me, at least - one has a really objective view of ones personality at that young of an age -- at least, in the sense of being able to *know* what is 'normal' vs not. I do know that around sixth grade social nuances changed, and junior high was a rather traumatizing experience for me and it's at that time that I went really inward. Is this 'opposite' to my 'normal' personality? Or was it my actual personality unfolding/ developing? Probably the latter. I think we learn more and define ourselves more as we grow older.


    - was there a point in your youth when you decided you wanted to be greater, and really excel in something?
    I was always someone who wanted to excel at everything I did - so this applied to academics as well as my hobbies - ballet, piano, oboe, art (though music replaced visual arts for my teenage years, as I could only do one or the other in my school program). I don't think, for me, there was an isolated 'point' where I just decided I wanted to excel.

    - was there a point where you felt your old personality "die away", and perhaps adopted a more spiritual mindset?
    I feel I have gone through many mini transitions throughout my life. I consciously shed my 'old personality' for the first few years in college, somewhat experimentally, and somewhat because I held some shame around how I was throughout junior and high school; so I deliberately did things socially to 'prove' to myself I could, I guess, and to have experiences that I didn't have as a teenager. After a few years of that I reverted more back to how I had been, with learnings from my experimental phase; during this time I jumped briefly into a religious mindset for a few years, exploring that. I then chucked that in my early 20's and carved a different world view. Then I tried different things out, but my biggest shift/hump where I really felt jarred and displaced from my 'true self' was my mid to late 30's, and I've only fairly recently felt stabilized again.

    I guess all of this is to say, I don't necessarily view myself any longer as 'changing' or drastically altering my personality, or there being an original blueprint and now I'm off somewhere else; I think all of my choices fall to the same personality, and it's just more that I don't have, and never have had, a super rigid perceptual sense of who I am. In this sense I think I might be viewed as changeable (esp in terms of how I view myself and in context with other people/perceptions); otoh I think you could also argue this facet is very defining and 'rigid' in its own way?

    - do you find that over the years, you become increasingly and increasingly further along in how deep you understand reality?

    (provide an approximate age for these things where possible)
    Doubtful. If anything I feel less certain the more I grow older. But I think there would have been times in my 20's I might have said this, or in my early 30's. I will say though that I feel as the more years go by and the more experience I accumulate, the more I have to draw upon and I'm not as quick to believe I 'understand reality', even though at the same time I feel I DO have a greater understanding of things. I think I just realize more that the greater understanding I have, the less able I am to come up with a really ironclad world view.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  8. #18
    alchemist Legion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bismuth Blitz View Post
    What do you mean by "Self stage" exactly? I'm wondering if my shyness is associated with traumas too. I say I was more ambiverted btw because while I still craved my alone time, I wasn't really all that shy. Like I could walk up to people and talk to them with ease and was just more sociable but I still preferred to do projects by myself and liked to play alone with imaginary characters. But yeah, looking back at the time, I started getting shyer when there was a lot of fighting at home and I came to school moody. That, and in middle school a lot of people found me cringy so that made me lose confidence. So yeah. You said you were similar to me-were you more ambiverted like me or were you really outgoing and then just changed all of a sudden? I wonder if we would have been different types if we didn't experience that sudden change? Though I'm not sure it'd change our dominant function(albeit 7 is a bit young to be typed).
    I was ambiverted as a kid, like I had a pretty well developed inner life, but I was also much more able to go and make friends. Then I became more aware, and the awareness made me more withdrawn. Overthinking perhaps.

    Self has to do with the Self from Jungian psychology, as well as self-actualisation from Maslow. It means you've got all the groundwork done - you've activated all of your basic skills, then it is about finding out how this all works together holistically. Self is the first stage of transcendence, then you go beyond Self.
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  9. #19
    alchemist Legion's Avatar
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    I made this thread to determine to what degree others' experiences match up with my own. It's essentially developmental psychology, but linked to Jung's hierarchy of the unconscious.

    I can see that there is a certain degree to which others' experience does match up with my own, but this leaves me with open questions.

    I would say that in general there is a theme of finding a passion and/or noticing a personality split around the ages of 10-14. This would correspond to adolescence. The other results are less clear.
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  10. #20
    alchemist Legion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maou View Post
    I wouldn't call it a passion, but there is an obsession I have that doesn't really fade away. Even if it wanes, it always comes back.

    1) Probably when I was about 12-14, I began to move away from being a "mob" person.

    2)Probably always had this trait, but it didn't florish until high school.

    3) I wouldn't say die away, but more like forgotten. I find it hard to think back how I was then. Back there, I was under unrelenting stress and abuse. So I am not sure if I changed, or became who I always was.

    4)Oh yes, definately. I feel my mindset changing constantly. I feel like I am watching the world from afar though, as if staring at an ant farm. My own interest changes to different aspects over time. I feel my understanding is on a different plane of reality than most, good or bad. I just can't shake that feeling.
    Number 4 actually relates to certain things you have said regarding channelling people, contemplating the simulation theory, and so on. I think you are one I would call a spiritual person. You seem to embrace the increasing levels of abstraction.

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