I cannot figure out what enneagram that I am. I hear myself in several types.

I am like a type nine in that I can see all different sides. Came from my parents screaming at each other. I could hear what they were saying behing the scenes. I also HATE conflict. When I was younger, I would say yes to everything my loved ones wanted to do. (At 52, I've gotten better about saying no at least if I definitely don't want to do that. ) But I'm not sure people would call me peaceful. In fact my husband and children definitely would not.

I am like a 2 in that I help people, though I am not aggressive like described in the book. I also do not care if they pay me back or not. You SHOULD help people. A friend in graduate school didn't know how to do an assignment. I created a step by step way for her to do it she found very helpful. That said, after my dad living with us and then taking care of him for 5 years before he died, my husband's grandmother, my burned out husband.. I have stepped back from helping for the most part unless it doesn't cost me much. ( Like the above assignment.) Emotionally, I'm done. My husband still isn't happy. His circus. Not mine. I keep myself somewhat detached. No interest in getting lost in the black holes of needy people anymore. I'm done.

I have always been somewhat of a 3. I am organized and get things done. I can juggle a ton at a time. However, I half wonder if this is because my husband is a 1/6 ( not sure what.. He is extrememely ordered like a one and gets tons done, but like a 6 he sees problems EVERYWHERE and has a really hard time making a decision. Yet his partners and other see him as a mediator/leader. He is always the one they come to to get the other surgeons to work together. He is not like most surgeons. YES, detail oriented and sees things that need to be fixed everywhere rather than what is right. But he is so loving and when people talk to him, they tell me how their blood pressure comes down. He is so cool under pressures. The nurses want to work with him because he never blames them, only himself if something goes wrong. He is always encouraging to them and respects them as equal to him. The janitors come to him for surgery because he respects them and sees them as equal.

Anyway, hubby likes things organized. So I do it because he likes it and I'm good at it. People often ask me to lead organizations I'm apart of. But my favorite position is 2nd in charge. Lots of independence, but the top guy takes the heat if things go wrong. I get really, really stressed when I've planned something and cannot enjoy myself. I have always been the family planner of vacations, but if people criticize or wonder why I didn't do this or something happens where it looks like I made a mistake, I melt down.. I've hated most of our family vacations and everyone else has had fun. So this family trip in January I am refusing to plan. I just gave them all of the info. ( I always research tons and tons to make sure I know everything I possibly can about any subject I'm interested in... in that way I feel like a 5.) I am excited about just having fun if I can stand my ground and refuse to plan.

I obviously meander like a 9 in conversations, when I talk.. But in some situations I am the listener. It really depends on the group. I have a ton of acquaintances. People like me, but I don't have many if any really close friends. People know bits and pieces of me. I am a stay at home mom and homeschooled my children but got really unhappy being home so much alone. Enjoyed life much more when I went back to work as a teacher. That said. People wear me out and I need time to recharge and think at home.

Trying to figure out who I am and what I want to be when I grow up.. So what in the heck am I.. Took the test many years ago and it gave me equal 9, 2 and 6. But the truth is I'm very task oriented, so a nine doesn't seem like me and yet I do things to make people love me. I operated out of fear for a long, long time. Not so much anymore. I'm ready to be me. If I knew what that was. What type am I??? I worried for a long time what people thought of me. I hate stuff. My husband used to give me piles of presents, which I hated. It makes me feel weird. I would rather go away with him for the weekend. HELP.