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  1. #11
    darkened dreams Ravenetta's Avatar
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    I think you have to let go of an expectation or hope to get them to "open up". If they sense that pressure it's less likely they will, but also realize they don't necessarily need or want to open up to people. They prefer to think about interesting ideas and the laid back ones like quirky Ne oriented jokes. I think it's humor that functions as their opening up and intimacy and also deeper intellectual discussions. My first INTP husband/partner of 15 years said he didn't want people to "understand him" and he just didn't bother answering questions when badgered, even mildly. You have to let go of wanting them to do something based on your terms and not theirs. It won't happen - or it might happen briefly once, but you will not change the pattern or dynamic ultimately. You accept them or not as they are.

    Short answer: you don't
    It's entirely possible and realistic to live your life in such a way that you don't accidentally rape people.
    I'd rather be a fool than be dismissive.
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  2. #12
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    You can't force anyone to open up. The closest thing you can do is assure them that you're there to talk about things and listen if they need someone. They'll come in their own time and own way. The best thing you can really do is present yourself as a supportive individual who cares about another's well-being.
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  3. #13
    幽霊||๏ ᴄʀᴏᴡ / ʀᴀᴠᴇɴ Hexcoder's Avatar
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    Since I don't see indication that OP intends to forcefully pry a person open against their will or something, I'll add that getting someone to open up is not always a bad thing. For instance, some who are extremely reserved wish they weren't. There is a desire to open up more, yet they don't actually know how to. Those might appreciate that, or at minimum enjoy the company of the person on account of them being someone they can open up so easily with. In fact, I once knew a highly introverted man who was attracted to how easy his now-wife was for him to talk to. He shared with me that it was the very first thing that caught his attention.

    You can more than likely get an IxTP to open up in the same way you get any human being to open up. There are methods out there that just work in general, and you can Google them or read a few books about communication for a sense of direction or a place to begin. Based on my own subjective experiences, one thing I can assure you of is that reserved people sometimes do latch onto open peoples' openness. Sometimes that means they open up and share alongside you more if you are open first, and other times...well, they might just end up enjoying the way your openness fills the gaps created by their reservation without willingly offering much participation in return. Overall, that's the key ingredient though: willingness on their part. The participant must be willing if it's going to work anyways. Forcing people open seems rather ineffective in general as far as I can tell. However, someone might be able to incite some willingness from them by encouraging in ways that aren't demanding, or by simply talking about it to them if they are in a committed relationship with you and willing to compromise so that there is more balance in give and take.




    Quote Originally Posted by Northern Lights View Post
    I realize that INTPs and ISTPs are never going to be chatty cathys about their feelings

    This is a false generalization according to more official MBTI materials. "Feeler" is not even partially defined by whether a person talks about their feelings unless your resources are memes, and possibly 16 Personalities, IDR Labs, or Random YouTube Dude. It's not a part of any of the functions, either, but the Extraversion dichotomy does touch on it to some degree. To elaborate, the Official MBTI has facets in every dichotomy, and one of the facets are "Extroverted vs Contained." A person might be Introverted in 4/5 facets (and therefore overall an introvert), but in that one specific facet they deviate by being Expressive (which is lumped into the Extraversion dichotomy). Expressive people are open about their thoughts, feelings, etc. You can see an overview of all the facets here. I know it's a legit post rather than user written because I saw the same ones on the official MBTI when I took it with a certified practitioner (don't judge me, it was free due to being on a friendship basis).

    Tl;dr - Based on all of this though, because IxTPs can indeed be Expressive Facet, they can also therefore be open just as any human being can. It's only considered atypical by MBTI.

  4. #14
    幽霊||๏ ᴄʀᴏᴡ / ʀᴀᴠᴇɴ Hexcoder's Avatar
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    Also, a few reasons I think reserved people seem to open up around me...
    1) I'm open, direct, and authentic. I share first. I don't really give a shit, I just stretch out and lay it all out there naturally...with some exceptions. They get to do their cautious observing, and when they understand I'm authentic they feel more inclined to come out of their shells.
    2) I ask a lot of questions--respectfully. Not in an intrusive way. I'm very cautious not to cross their boundaries. If I'm uncertain of whether it's prying, I directly ask or remind them that they don't need to feel any pressure to answer. If they feel invaded they'll just shut themselves off extra for the most part anyways. Don't force yourself onto them.

    Otherwise I'm honestly not good at it. I suck at initiating anything in that way, and it takes a lot of energy out of me to try. That's why I actually prefer conversations with those who are more open usually. (I just don't like feeling as though I am talking to my walls.)

  5. #15
    darkened dreams Ravenetta's Avatar
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    To be clear based on general posts - I don't think the OP is trying to force anything. I think it is the Ti-doms that can be set in their ways. It isn't the same think as getting a shy, sensitive person to trust and open up. A really strong T may simply have no use for it and not feel a need to appease others to do it. They can be very autonomous and they aren't being mean, but they just don't want to talk about feelings, personal sensitivities, etc. It is boring or displacing for them. It's like trying to get Paul Erdos to talk about pro football or to get an under water welder to talk about antique doll collections.
    It's entirely possible and realistic to live your life in such a way that you don't accidentally rape people.
    I'd rather be a fool than be dismissive.
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  6. #16
    Somber and irritated cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ravenetta View Post
    To be clear based on general posts - I don't think the OP is trying to force anything. I think it is the Ti-doms that can be set in their ways. It isn't the same think as getting a shy, sensitive person to trust and open up. A really strong T may simply have no use for it and not feel a need to appease others to do it. They can be very autonomous and they aren't being mean, but they just don't want to talk about feelings, personal sensitivities, etc. It is boring or displacing for them. It's like trying to get Paul Erdos to talk about pro football or to get an under water welder to talk about antique doll collections.
    I would say too, they genuinely may not have or experience feelings in the same way as you in the OP; thus they don't really have anything to share/talk about -- at least in the same way OP may share or experience or hope to hear about. So if 'pushed' to open up about something they're not even thinking about or experiencing, well, it might not go over well (no judgment towards you, OP -- just adding that they may not share or 'open up' simply because they don't have anything to share on that end, or it's simply not on their radar so not even something they're thinking about).

    And as everyone else has said..people will be open if it feels natural, it's not being demanded of them, if they feel safe/trust that the ensuing conversation will be mutually beneficial and coming from a place of wanting to understand or know.

    I have a Ti dom brother, and my asking him directly 'how he feels' about such and such - if it's tied to his emotional state - is a surefire recipe to getting a 'Meh, I don't know' response. Vs just dropping it, chatting about other stuff, and then he might randomly, voluntarily of his own accord share something a little more tied to how he's feeling. Of course not saying this is the case with all Ti doms - just throwing that out there.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  7. #17
    Senior Member cacaia's Avatar
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    Mm...My suggestion would be, like everyone else has said, to not use pressure. I would say talk to this person about things you both relate to. Do this many times. Eventually, tell a story about yourself that relates to what you want the other person to talk about. Do this a few times, and see if they will open up. If they feel comfortable with you, they will eventually open up, but only when they are ready.

  8. #18
    abcdenfp Abcdenfp's Avatar
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    Lol I asked my ISTP this morning as he ate breakfast and he smiled broadly, " you know all about that don't ya"
    heres his self proclaimed list

    1. Be patient
    2. give space when needed
    3. make sure to feed it food if it's hungry
    4. be up for adventure

    oddly enough these are accurate .
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