Culture & Children of Divorce: Early Memory

[highlander]

I wasn't a child of divorce but my first memory would have been one of two things:

I went to a funeral for some relative and there were spotlights along the sidewalk. I thought they looked cool so I put my hand on one of them, burning it pretty badly.

The next door neighbor was a landscaper. He had a pile of rocks in the back of the yard. I remember playing in that pile of rocks thinking how amazing they were. They were all different kinds and colors and stuff.

Maybe I was 3 or 4. Not sure.

[Betty Blue]

I think I remember being in an oxygen tent just before my second birthday. I had pretty serious asthma and was in and out of hospital for the first couple of years of my life, fighting for it on my second birthday. I'm not sure if it's a false memory based on being told a story of it or it's an actual memory. It's pretty hazy.

[ayoitsStepho]

There's no divorce in my family, but my earliest memory is 2. I was sitting in my highchair in my parents apartment in LA. My mom was trying to feed me mushed beans. I remember not being into them AT ALL. I do remember feeling a hint of frustration because my mom didn't understand that I didn't want those nasty beans. Then she set me on the floor in front of the tv and Mary Poppins was on. She gave me a sippy cup with some sort of blue liquid in it. I liked it a lot. I wanted more.

[Flâneuse]

Fascinating article. I'd never even thought of this subject (cultural differences affecting childhood memory) before now.

...the study compared the earliest childhood memories of European, Maori, and Asian-heritage New Zealanders. The researchers found that Asian participants’ earliest memories were, on average, at 4.5 years, European were at 3.5 years, and Maori were at 2.6 years. The authors reasoned that it was the richness of Maori oral culture that drove the early memories

a follow-up 2008 study found that Maori mothers told more elaborate stories of giving birth than European New Zealanders, providing evidence that Maori children grow up in a “richer narrative environment” than their peers, and a 2015 study found that the more a mother identified with Maori culture, the richer stories she told about her adventures in mothering. ...“Descriptive storytelling renders the event more vividly in memory, whether the storytelling takes place during the event or afterwards,”

Super interesting.

Anyway, I think my first memory is from when I was about 2 1/2 to 3 years old. I was in the bathroom with my mom, I was beside the bathtub, and she was saying something to me in an affectionate voice. I believe she was drawing a bath for me, that she was saying "time for a bath, girlie" or something like that, and that I was happy and smiling because I had fun splashing around in the tub. The exact words she said are probably just stuff my brain made up to fill in the blanks, but I do remember the tone of her voice very clearly.
FTR my parents did divorce when I was very young (I'd just turned four), but I don't remember hearing many descriptive stories about my early childhood. The few I have heard were either from way before I was capable of forming lasting memories (the first few months of my life), or from when I was misbehaving as a toddler, events which I conveniently do not remember.

[Norrsken]

My parents never divorced and are still together. I think my earliest memory was when I was maybe around 3 or 4. I was singing to the video cassette tape of Alvin & The Chipmunks while they did their songs. I'll always treasure the early 90's.

[Lexicon]

My earliest memories are brief flashes.

Seated in a faded yellow paisley highchair. There was a tear in the vinyl seat material. Uncomfortable against the back of my right thigh.

Fraggle Rock on the little wood-paneled TV, in the playroom. Silver knobs. In a white mesh playpen. I think she was babysitting some Navy-Wife's infant- it was smaller than I. Crawler. I could actually walk in the playpen/see over the edge. She might've stuck me in there to see the baby, or something. Brother playing with his Fisher-Price "Little People" set on the floor, nearby. Occasionally making siren sounds, car vrooms. Smooth, sliding friction when the plastic wheels rolled down the winding ramp. It was the "Main Street" model he'd gotten for Xmas, 1986 (we have a home movie of that year). I was born in '85.

Riding an antique wooden rocking horse my mom still owns; I couldn't have been more than 2.

My mom places the highchair event sometime prior to 18 months old. She stopped putting me in it right at the 18-month mark.

I have more cohesive streams of memory (days/weeks vs moments) from 3yrs old-onward.

I'm not a child of divorce. My father was in the Navy/worked often, though. He died when I was 9. As a child, sometimes I felt I cherished people- my time with them, however long that may be- a bit more than most at my age. Didn't know how to articulate it, though. Just an early knowledge of mortality, and the limitations life can put on relationships. And that others may not be able to see it, yet. Just deeply grateful.

[Tater]

my parents never divorced.

when i was 2, i pulled the tail of the family cat. he bit me, and the incident turned into a joke. whenever i needed to make an excuse about anything, i would say, 'but panda bit me the other day!'

i also remember, around the age of 3, riding laps around our driveway on a tricycle. my family ran a garage sale at the time.

[Yama]

My parents got divorced when I was 16.

I can't remember what my very earliest memory is, and I don't remember much of my childhood at all. But I do remember going to preschool, and always feeling somewhat isolated from the other kids. Making a stick pony and nap time and all that. I remember sitting in my high chair eating peaches while my parents weren't in the room and one of them had an icky brown spot on it and I thought to myself "I don't have to eat this if I throw it on the floor and then they'll have to pick it up" so I did that and it worked.

[Firebird 8118]

Not a child of divorce, but - my earliest memory was when I was about 2 years. We were living in an apartment at the time (moved to our first home not long afterwards, according to my parents). I remember sitting in a baby swing inside one of the rooms, and there was some music playing in the background (though what it was exactly, I never knew). I was just sitting quietly, looking at my surroundings curiously, and there was this framed carpet-like embroidery of a large brown dog.

I (along with my brother and sister) couldn't speak until I was around 4, but I remember liking that embroidery, even without having the words to describe it we still have that embroidery... and our Pom Lucy, who turned 4 years old just yesterday.

[evilrubberduckie]

Sitting in santas lap at 3 years old and winning something from a raffle
Same month, but two separate memories.

Parents divorced when I was 8. We were at the courthouse in the middle east and I rememer my grandma snuck us out and tried to hide me and this store that sold carpets. Then the authorities at the courthouse called. I remeber being very confused and not knowing what was happening. Remember my dad picking me up and Im kicking him and screaming for my mother who is watching me go and crying. But not reaching for me.

Later as I grow older they explain to me what was happening. But damn. Thoes years were tough.