Making Mistakes. Do you learn from them?

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

I agree with this wholeheartedly. One of my favorite sayings is “Failure is not the opposite of success - it is a part of it.”

 

[rav3n]

I like this quote from a random youtuber who saved himself from severe depression/living on the streets from prior addictions. Unfortunately, I can't remember the name of his channel. Anyways, I'm pretty sure he corrupted a quote from Lao Tzu and gave it a brilliant twist to fit his needs.

If you're living in the past or living for the future, are you really living?

This is relevant to the thread and the fear of making mistakes.

 

[Starry]

Yah, Yoda didn’t become one of the most popular Jedi masters in the universe for nothin - that is so true.

I really like your signature quote as well.

 

[Lark]

Stupid people don't learn from mistakes, smart people learn from mistakes, while brilliant people learn from other people's mistakes.


Perhaps one of better ones.

That reminds me of the Eleanor Roosevelt quote about whether people discuss people, events or ideas.

 

[Lark]

I do, but I was told I learn the wrong things out of them…

People always assume the same lesson will be learned by different individuals in the same events. I think this is a mistake.

I even think it's a mistake that they should be expected to, sometimes, unless the lessons are incredibly simple.

 

[Starry]

Yes. For sure. Trying to find the right mix between being validating/accepting and talking in hypotheticals/conclusions that you have personally observed. Any misstep can lead to you being called a troll, dupe or create an emotionally fueled derail in which you have to step back/analyze before it escalates to "who knows what". It's quite the phenomenon to witness.

For me, mistakes aren't usually clear-cut. Sometimes I don't know the true magnitude or the result until years later. Some mistakes are discovered through hindsight while others end up not being not what they first appeared to be (in certain instances, I was in the right and most people were wrong but I didn't know until much later).

I didn’t see this at first. And when I finally caught it I scrambled to quote it for fear it might mysteriously vanish haha. *captures and holds for possible future comment*

1,000 likes

 

[Lark]

I know I make the same ones repeatedly.

I've come to think its a combination of indisciplined hope and hurt dissipating a bit which makes it so.

Which is to say I am hopeful people are communicating on the same terms as me, not fronting, scheming, with an axe to grind, then I get ambushed.

That doesnt feel great and for a while it leaves me wary enough to avoid a repeat of the same but with time that drops off.

Its something I see others do of hsppen to others too. I read Daniel Coleman in Social Intelligence talk about the ratio of toxic individuals to average individuals and individuals capable of being detoxifiers being great. Its part of how I account for it. At least online.

 

[Starry]

I know I make the same ones repeatedly.

I've come to think its a combination of indisciplined hope and hurt dissipating a bit which makes it so.

Which is to say I am hopeful people are communicating on the same terms as me, not fronting, scheming, with an axe to grind, then I get ambushed.

That doesnt feel great and for a while it leaves me wary enough to avoid a repeat of the same but with time that drops off.

Its something I see others do of hsppen to others too. I read Daniel Coleman in Social Intelligence talk about the ratio of toxic individuals to average individuals and individuals capable of being detoxifiers being great. Its part of how I account for it. At least online.

Lark, I don’t know if you are familiar with the enneagram but did you know that what you describe above is Positive Outlook? I mean, in no way am I here to type you - good god no. I was merely like *whoa* when I read what you wrote because that’s Positive Outlook and distinctly Positive Outlook as it is experienced by the e7.

It’s weird because both 2s and 9s are not necessarily all that positive but 2s seeking adoration know it’s best to remain pleasing...and 9s will often use it to stuff their anger. 7s are different in that they actually are positive and judge others based on how they are...only to be rendered negative/disappointed/ fearful in the wake of an ambush...until their optimism creeps back in and they’re primed for another ambush at a future time. At TypoC we started referring to this as *the forgetting*

I was just expressing my frustration over this in a different thread. (Again, not making any comment on your type just amazed by the similarity).

 

[Luminous]

Lark, I don’t know if you are familiar with the enneagram but did you know that what you describe above is Positive Outlook? I mean, in no way am I here to type you - good god no. I was merely like *whoa* when I read what you wrote because that’s Positive Outlook and distinctly Positive Outlook as it is experienced by the e7.

It’s weird because both 2s and 9s are not necessarily all that positive but 2s seeking adoration know it’s best to remain pleasing...and 9s will often use it to stuff their anger. 7s are different in that they actually are positive and judge others based on how they are...only to be rendered negative/disappointed/ fearful in the wake of an ambush...until their optimism creeps back in and they’re primed for another ambush at a future time. At TypoC we started referring to this as *the forgetting*

I was just expressing my frustration over this in a different thread. (Again, not making any comment on your type just amazed by the similarity).

I am guilty, I think, of that. Or a victim? Either way. Question is, is this something one should really seek to stop altogether? I don't think so. I don't want to look at everyone and think they're bad and out to get me and suffer even more than I already do...

 

[Starry]

I am guilty, I think, of that. Or a victim? Either way. Question is, is this something one should really seek to stop altogether? I don't think so. I don't want to look at everyone and think they're bad and out to get me and suffer even more than I already do...

You are also guilty of reading minds haha! I had actually intended to say something in this regard because I don't want to do that either. Especially since I think that experience actually reflects the reality of it all. Most people will likely not intentionally or unintentionally (through insecurities they are unable to see in themselves, etc.) exploit you. I'm not sure how it is for 7 fixed 9s...9s in general seem a billion times more down to earth to me...

7s feels entitled on some level to a clear sense of heaven on earth and so they often neglect or refuse to find a workable, balanced solution for the occasional "ambush"...instead opting to be completely offended and holier than thou (stressful connection to e1). Which is always a total blast for all involved.

No, I agree with you very much. For myself though I haven't found a way to do what you do....having suffered way too many ambushes. Whether the way I am is healthy or not...it is still the sum total of my experience and it's a painful fall when you come into this world thinking BEST EARTH POPULATION EVER!!! I haven't found a way to stop insisting everyone needs to do better.

 

[ceecee]

I think, well, I hope people learn from their mistakes. I certainly have. I'm not as worried about making some kinds of mistakes as I may have been earlier in life. However, I don't have the luxury of making mistakes with the people in my life or their wellbeing and there are many people feel the same way I do and understand what I'm saying.

I have met some people that have absolutely no reason to fear making mistakes and make the same ones over and over. They have the means to not be impacted by mistakes and/or others enable their behavior and their mantra is - EVERYONE makes mistakes!!!! You don't understand!!!! Yes but not the same mistake 150 times and no I don't want to understand your spoiled, entitled ass.

So for those people - good for you and please stay away from me.

 

[highlander]

I learn from mistakes that I'm aware that I made. The trick is realizing my mistakes which is easier said than done. Then there are things that aren't mistakes exactly but are situations where I could have done better. Finally there is understanding the thing you could do differently which is not always easy either. But yes I try to learn from my mistakes and many of them over the years are indelibly etched in ny mind. Anyway I am a doer and in the course of that I make plenty of mistakes.

 

[Tellenbach]

I once thought I could go down the stairs at night without turning on the lights but I had a horrible accident and severely sprained my ankle when I missed a step; now I use those motion-detector lights and it's no longer a problem.

There's a great book on this subject called Black Box Thinking that explains the value of making mistakes, sharing the mistake with others, and then learning from them. For example, every accident made by a pilot is published the same day so that other pilots can learn from them. This is why airlines have such a stellar safety record; by contrast, doctors are taught to hide their mistakes (for fear of lawsuits) and the result is that the same deadly mistakes occur over and over again.

 

[LightSun]

"In life I've had regrets. The regret is on how I handled the situation at the time. Of course at the time I thought I was making a sound judgment. One thing that is beneficial are the experiential lessons we derive from life's experiences. I try and use my gift of insight and try to improve myself. Also as a general tendency I do learn from my mistakes. In life I have learned about emotional reasoning, denial, rationalization and blind spots. This is a problematic area for in our subconscious are cognitive schema which are incorporated into our belief system.

All lead us astray but it takes time and hindsight to reflect on how we could have handled the situation better. In this scenario we may act from a defense mechanism position. We do this to offset an emotional trigger from our own unfinished business from the past and developed during our formative years. This is precisely the area where insight, a reflective nature and mindfulness come into play. No one is perfect and we each carry flaws. It is imperative that I look at and Gage a situation by using critical thinking and acting in the most realistic manner possible.

In overcoming triggers and healing unhealed aspects of ourselves we must not give in by reacting in an automatic fashion. Without reflection I may resort to a defense mechanism behavior that may not be entirely rational,or healthy. By performing in situations where triggers once occurred in a more realistic manner we break a cycle of acting in an irrational and ineffective manner. In this way growth occurs and through insight I deepen in both depth and breadth. One thing though is that I don't dwell on what I did or didn't do. I acted the best I could at the time. We are each flawed individuals. All that we can do is try and keep moving forward."

 

[LightSun]

I know I make the same ones repeatedly.

I've come to think its a combination of indisciplined hope and hurt dissipating a bit which makes it so.

Which is to say I am hopeful people are communicating on the same terms as me, not fronting, scheming, with an axe to grind, then I get ambushed.

That doesnt feel great and for a while it leaves me wary enough to avoid a repeat of the same but with time that drops off.

Its something I see others do of hsppen to others too. I read Daniel Coleman in Social Intelligence talk about the ratio of toxic individuals to average individuals and individuals capable of being detoxifiers being great. Its part of how I account for it. At least online.

Lark wrote, (A) "...make the same ones repeatedly."


"This just happens to be a personal hypothesis Lark. In the past you grew up in some environment that predisposed you in using some defense mechanism. If such is the case then it reveals an unhealed aspect of yourself. One thing we share in our common humanity is that we each have unresolved issues. These unresolved issues appear to us in times of crisis as an external trigger. If your subconscious elected a course of action applying a defense mechanism then it is (1) unhealthy (2) not too effective and (3) At the root of the behavior and the thoughts underlying the behavior lay various cognitive distortions. How to get past an impasse such as this?

When a trigger strikes in future days, take some time out to reflect and devise the most realistic course of action. This action to an external stimuli is one you may not be accustomed to. As a result a subconscious resistance will manifest. In the short term it is the easier route to act as we are accustomed to. The long range reality is you will continue to be susceptible to your internal trigger states which mask a psychic wound."