Are you an advice giver? Do you like receiving advice?

[LightSun]

On the nature of advise. Those who seek it consistently and the other extreme, those who give advise whether it is asked for or not.blessAre you an advice giver? Do you like receiving advice?


“On the receiving of unasked advice I would look at intentionality. Are they saying this because they are generally concerned? In which case their expressed sentiments can be overlooked or more easily digested. This versus a person you know is not genuine in which case it can come off as a slap across the face. Now how do you deal with them? I generally ignore them or as non-committal as possible. Because I know I am not going to change them. I can be a role model. Live up to my principles plus walk my path. In return I will let them continue to stumble and walk across their path."

“Empathy is the gel of the human species. Without empathy and emotion we would be at constant war, I do not know if the human species could work together and if you say that is the current state of affairs, it is because we have not learned the art and skill of empathy, yet, in our home life, school as well as professional environment (yet). There is no emphasis in the school system we have as of now but a paradigm shift shall come . We are part of one. The empathy is the gel that binds us so that we can work together on mutually exclusive goals, yet get our independent needs met as well.”

“One day we will awaken and understand the profound nature of empathy versus a projection of one’s own being thus to truly and with a sincerity learn to work with that person rather than putting up a roadblock of expressing, thus keeping a person in a painful condition far more than if they would but learn to work together in harmony as well understanding as in a symbiosis. Friend shall hold another hand but shan't rage, holler, humiliate, or have any given advice. When I experience a union of synergistic healing I am thankful and now I can breathe, relax and heal because another understood and allowed the needful venting. A friend who does possess some living enlightenment does know this fact. So some few gifted ones have awareness.”

 

[Coriolis]

I like advice that is useful. to be useful, it must be relevant, and tell me something I didn't know. Ideally, it will take into account specifics of the situation, including what I already know and perhaps things I have already tried. If, for instance, I am looking for advice on what kind of tablet to buy, I don't appreciate someone sending me reviews of desktops, unless they accompany it with a strong case for why I shouldn't be buying a tablet to begin with. If I am looking for advice on how to deal with a personal loss, I don't appreciate advice that encourages something strongly against my nature ("go out and get drunk with your friends") or lists the half-dozen options I have already tried, without success.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

I believe strongly in autonomy, so I don't think of advice as something to give or take with the expectation of it being followed. If someone asks for advice, I'll do my best, or if I ask for advice I'll listen to the responses. I try to frame advice by describing a problem and resolution that worked for me and let the person decide whether or not it applies to their life and situation.

Context can impact the problem and solution in such a way that there aren't always simple answers. Sometimes there are simple principles that can be applied in a variety of ways based on different contexts.

 

[highlander]

I often seek other people's opinions. Advice is too strong a word though. As to me giving it to others I would say that I do but sparingly. If I do the person should probably listen.

 

[ceecee]

I often seek other people's opinions. Advice is too strong a word though. As to me giving it to others I would say that I do but sparingly. If I do the person should probably listen.

This. I'm pretty reluctant to give advice as time goes on. Most don't actually want it, aren't going to follow it or simply want to vent at someone. No thank you.

 

[cascadeco]

This. I'm pretty reluctant to give advice as time goes on. Most don't actually want it, aren't going to follow it or simply want to vent at someone. No thank you.

Very true. I rarely say things. I only may get to the point if the person is in the same place months later and I am still listening. So I might say something eventually but I don't really expect it to be heard. Sometimes it is though. And if someone explicitly asks I will give my thoughts.

 

[Kanra Jest]

I can and have given advice based off rationale or caution.. nowadays, idk. I haven't had much opportunity to bother.

Otherwise, I am the one seeking opinions to add to my own thought process if need be. Maybe I'll come to a greater understanding or notice something.

 

[Population: 1]

I usually try to get someone to explain things and then try to put myself in the situation in my head or recall a time I've been through it myself. I find it's often just a matter of listening and asking questions. Just by bringing a different mind into the process allows them to think with renewed flexibility. A lot of times people become stuck in a particular pattern of thought. Kind of like driving by the same location so often you always focus on the same things. Then one day you bring a friend and they notice things that you never have, things that were there the entire time. So often times I don't supply advice but help people redirect to find the answers. Sometimes attempting to advise someone is like trying to help a mountain become a tree. No advice will budge the person from their ways.

The funny thing is I'm awful at receiving advice. I politely listen but seldom follow it. Of course I don't usually ask for any in the first place. I think it's usually out of not wanting to bother someone as opposed to believing I'm above advice. I seldom ask friends for any help really. It can be a weakness I suppose.

 

[Red Memories]

I seek other people's opinions if I feel very close to them, otherwise I prefer to be independent. This other opinion is usually my own mother.
I rarely ask for advice, usually I try to vent my frustrations on something and then people try to GIVE me advice that I did not ask for. XD Sometimes it IS helpful but other times I am like "stop."

As for me, I have had a lot of people in my time ask me for advice. I get upset though when people ask me for help and then ignore my suggestions entirely, or it is useless to their final assessment. I probably shouldn't be that way, but it feels like you wasted my time when you don't follow through on any suggestions. If people are arguing, I usually become this magic center median to try and resolve the conflict. It becomes really stressful if it is a heated fight though. Particularly with two emotional people who are name calling each other now and trying to get it back in hand. Then they both get mad at you for being an unbias mediator. WHAT DID YOU EXPECT.

this turned into a vent of stop making me mediate your relationship drama. XD

 

[tchudak]

I have no problem giving advice because I like to analyze pretty much anything, so I don't mind analyzing a situation and giving advice to someone, but if the person just want to vent instead of actually listening to what I say, then I just stop trying to contribute.

 

[Totenkindly]

I will give advice if I can tell someone really wants it and is really listening. Not that my answers are necessarily right, but if someone is posting for another reason beside actually wanting advice or isn't really wanting to hear it, it's not worth the time. But if someone is stuck or in actual pain, and I have an idea or experience that might help them, I will share it and then let them do what they want with it. There is no obligation to take my advice, it was a gift freely given.

For my stuff, I usually don't ask for advice mostly because I do think through a lot of stuff ahead of time on my own and have already overruled some possible options because I have determined for my situation they are irrelevant or unworkable. So to ask advice usually means I have to explain so much up front to qualify what I'm asking that it becomes a very tedious process... and some people don't read or understand what I am asking anyway. But if I don't qualify it, then I usually just get some advice I can't use... although there I have also learned to just nod and say "thank you, I will take it under consideration" because otherwise I feel like I am ending up arguing with people who actually mean well, which wasn't the point. I usually feel like I'm sifting for some elusive nugget of advice from someone who actually understands my situation.

I am pretty receptive to things I haven't thought of, though, in the sense I will really take time to think about whether the advice will work when I get it. I have had times where someone has said something I did not think of prior, or puts a new spin on a situation. Sometimes this can come through someone different than me -- it might make it harder for them to grasp where I'm at (since they have different perceptions and decision criteria), but at the same time they are more liable to come up with something I haven't considered.

I just don't like it when someone gives me advice with the expectation that because they offered it, I will immediately take it, and that I am somehow putting them down or rejecting them if I don't follow their advice. IOW, it kind of becomes "about them" rather than about "my problem." Having those kinds of experiences haven't really made me feel great about asking for advice, in the past.

(My dad was kind of this way, he could be overbearing and "tell me" what to do even as an adult rather than walking through a problem by my side. I remember finally telling him in my mid-20's that I appreciated his input, but I needed to weigh it out, and if I did not take his advice, it wasn't a slight against him but simply my choice based on whether I thought it would work. Well, guess what? He never gave me ANY advice after that -- no exaggeration -- until his death twenty years later. Sigh. Ya can't win.)

 

[á´…eparted]

Used to have a nasty habit of giving unsolicited advice to everyone all the time. Now, I have it under control and more or less know when to offer it. I have a bit of a complex about needing to feel useful, which is where the motivation comes from. When someone brings up something where the advice I can give involves science in some way, I almost always spit it out without thinking, unless the individual clearly wouldn't be having it.

As for giving personal advice, I tend to freely offer that as well, even to strangers if they are in duress. I.E. if I see someone crying alone out in public, I will almost always go up to them, ask what's wrong, and do my best to help them. It comes natural to me to support individuals in such a state so I do it without much thought. I suppose that doesn't really count as "advice", but I do try to walk them through things so they can manage their feelings in the short term, so I suppose that counts.

As for receiving advice, that is something I can actually be a bit touchy with, but I never reveal that. If it's generic every day stuff I am fine. If it's more personal, not so much. The fact of the matter is, I'm quite a complex person, and few people get me as it takes a while to get to that point, and not everyone can. As such, when people who don't know me offer advice, it can come across as really shallow and hollow and I'll be put off by it. I never let that off though and remain polite about it. If it's some I respect and they get me, then I almost always appreciate it even if they totally miss the mark.

 

[Thursday]

Yep. I'm an information seeker, but I do "advice giving" for a profession.

Amoral Advice – When Good Intentions Lead To Bad Results, Inquire Within

 

[HisKittyKat]

I don't give advice unless it is asked for. I don't want advice unless I ask for it. I generally will exhaust all my resources and try helping myself before I ask anything of anyone.

 

[thepink-cloakedninja]

I LOVE getting advice. I might not follow it, but I'll definitely consider it. Conversely, I dislike giving advice since I don't think I'm very good at it.

 

[HisKittyKat]

Speaking of advice, I actually asked for it today and was given the best advice ever. My heart melts when I listen to someone who is wise and knows exactly what to say. Thank you ENTJ, you never cease to amaze me with all your wisdom.

 

[OrangeAppled]

I like getting a different perspective and I will offer my perspective if asked. I probably do give a lot of advice because I get asked for it a lot and am willing to also listen a lot, but I try to make sure it's not unsolicited. Most of the time I try to ask questions more than tell someone what to do.

I don't mind advice as long as I sought it out and it's not dismissive. I don't like overly simplistic advice because usually when I ask for help, it's because I exhausted all other avenues. I generally will research and try and figure stuff out myself, so a last resort is to ask for advice. Frequently I am disappointed because I can predict what people will say and I've already considered it. When I do get a fresh nugget of wisdom, then it's great. I will really cherish it. I definitely get that most with other INFPs (usually older ones) because they usually are able to actually understand the core issue.

 

[Lark]

I'm inclined to think its a false dichotomy to be honest.

 

[Tilt]

I tend to give a lot of advice but it's just a mish mosh of articles and concepts that I apply to a specific context.

 

[five sounds]

I often seek other people's opinions. Advice is too strong a word though. As to me giving it to others I would say that I do but sparingly. If I do the person should probably listen.

opinions > advice ALWAYS. i give mine when i feel the person is open or i have an insight, but i would never ever expect (or even want) for someone to take what i said and blindly apply it. i would also resent anyone who expected me to do that with their insights or opinions. i ask for opinions a lot, but have grown more cautious with how i do that, because people often get really forceful or expectant when you open it up to the masses. i usually try to find a person who i know will listen and give their insights in a more relaxed and open-minded way.