Is it ever okay to be negative, judge or label? If not then why do we do it?

[LightSun]

I think those above quotes can be true a lot of the time mostly because during our early development we tend to take on the traits of our closest family and friends. So, when the people closest to us possess traits that bother us, in those cases we often possess the same traits because they influenced us during development. Also, they influenced us before our sense of self was fully developed.

If you look at simple conflicts like people who like to keep a super clean house and people who are messy, then you see people who are bothered by each other because they are opposite. I don't think that a neat-freak being bothered by a messy person means that deep down the clean-freak has that quality. Also, bossy and compliant people can irritate each other for having opposite traits, and I don't think it means that deep down they possess each others' trait. People who are kind will be upset by cruel people and it doesn't mean that deep down they are cruel. If you are bothered by your mother, brother, sister, father, or childhood friend's behavior, then that is a case where it makes sense to take a look at oneself to see how you are the same. It is also possible to learn how to be the opposite of what we encountered in development because it can be a lesson in what not to be, but that will not stop us from being bothered by those traits.

There are a few ways that people who do the wrong thing like to push their behaviors onto others who are not guilty of those behaviors. One can involve universalizing quotes like the above. People will be upset when someone is cruel and it doesn't mean they are just as bad deep down. It means that the cruel person has crossed a line and has upset people, and it is as simple as that. People can also use religion and the idea that "all sins are equally bad" as a way to make the worst people accuse the kinder people of being "just as bad".

There are a few ways that I think we are limited in our ability to accurately judge another person because we haven't lived their life. One thing I attempt to do (but sometimes fail), is to remind myself that it is possible I would be just as bad if I had lived that person's life. It is possible that we are all equal in terms of circumstance - it might be the case that each one of us is simply what humanity looks like when subjected to a set of genetic and environmental conditions.

However, that is only true if there is no free-will, if we cannot self determine who we are morally outside of genetics and circumstance. To whatever extent we can self-determine, that is the extent to which we are responsible for who we become, and it is the same extent to which we can judge another person for who they became. The problem is that on one level it is not possible to prove free-will absolutely, and so there is one level of judgment that needs to be withheld. There is always a possibility we could be "just as bad" if we had lived another life.

Via labyrinthine

“... traits that bother us, in those cases we often possess the same traits because they influenced us during development.” “Also, they influenced us before our sense of self was fully developed.”

“Labyrinthine one of the problems in child development is the young child does not have an ego sense and can be molded against his wishes by parental expectation. Then the young man and women spend time finding out who they are, what they were meant to be, what will make them content and complete and finding their gift.” Paul

“...possible to learn how to be the opposite of what we encountered in development because it can be a lesson in what not to be, but that will not stop us from being bothered by those traits.”

“Yes we can either model the behavior of our parents or else refute it and go in the exact opposite direction as overcompensation.” Paul

“...we are limited in our ability to accurately judge another person because we haven't lived their life.
I would be just as bad if I had lived that person's life. It is possible that we are all equal in terms of circumstance - it might be the case that each one of us is simply what humanity looks like when subjected to a set of genetic and environmental conditions.”

“It is my belief that we have this seed to activate our potential. If we are thwarted by life and go in a dysfunctional direction there are underlying reasons. There is no point to judge them however they must be held accountable.”

“...true if there is no free-will, if we cannot self determine who we are morally outside of genetics and circumstance. To whatever extent we can self-determine, that is the extent to which we are responsible for who we become, and it is the same extent to which we can judge…”

“Again I work with the nature and nurture paradigm of who we are. We do the best we can but unconscious plus unresolved conflicts lead us a sway. I don’t believe in emotional laden subjective terms and labels in judgment placed unto another human being. Will it alter reality and will it change the situation? No, well okay then stick to objective facts and refrain from emotionalism, subjective opinions and labels and judgments. They are divisive and counterproductive. Moreover they lead you off the path of remaining true to your chosen way of life.” Paul

 

[LightSun]

But everyone also is intolerant of certain things, and prejudges certain things. I have not placed value judgments on any of it, so far, just made comparisons.

If being negative means focusing on what is negative around us, that is essential if we are to address and correct those negative things. Focusing on the positive corrects nothing.

Judging is also essential and happens all the time. We cannot go through life without forming judgments about things. Ideally these are based on the facts of the matter, rather than our own preconceived notions or prejudices. Even in a simple trip to the grocery store, we make tens if not hundreds of judgments.

Finally, we cannot use language without labelling. Words, after all, are nothing more than labels for the things they represent. I am doing an activity we label "typing" on a device we label a "keyboard" right now.

Sort of like being intolerant of intolerance, or prejudiced against bigots?
Is it better to encourage people to be judgmental?

Via Lark , (1) "...non-judgmental? It is itself a judgment."

I don't concur Coriolis with Lark's assertion. ...and for the rest it is to be placed in a trashcan of non=sensibleness below.

(2) Really sloppy thinking involved in that sort of shite.

Coriolis wrote, (1) “...negative means focusing on what is negative around us, that is essential if we are to address and correct those negative things.”

“We have real world problems. We should discuss what needs to be done, sticking with objective facts. It is fine being realistic plus pragmatic. It is negative when one in undisciplined manner succumbs to emotionalism, subjective opinions, labeling, judging and blaming.” Paul

(2) “ Judging… essential …happens all the time.” “… without forming judgments…”

“I have a problem with the term judging. It is a slippery path leading to judgment of the worst kind. Sort of like righteous wrath. There is no righteous wrath. One has lost their head to reason. I prefer Coriolis we judicially do discernment's weighing pro’s and con’s. The word judgment has been contaminated and no longer has a pristine ambiguous meaning. It’s usually meant to imply insult.” Paul

(3) “...these are based on the facts of the matter, rather than our own preconceived notions or prejudices.”

“Exact.”

(4) “... judgments. Finally, we cannot use language without labeling.”

“Again without strict adherence to cognitive disciple employing objective fact the situation can deteriorate with emotional subjective laden statements with gross distorted thought and speech. Instead of judgment name it such alike decision’s to be made.”

 

[Lark]

Via Lark , (1) "...non-judgmental? It is itself a judgment."

I don't concur Coriolis with Lark's assertion. ...and for the rest it is to be placed in a trashcan of non=sensibleness below.

(2) Really sloppy thinking involved in that sort of shite.

Coriolis wrote, (1) “...negative means focusing on what is negative around us, that is essential if we are to address and correct those negative things.”

“We have real world problems. We should discuss what needs to be done, sticking with objective facts. It is fine being realistic plus pragmatic. It is negative when one in undisciplined manner succumbs to emotionalism, subjective opinions, labeling, judging and blaming.” Paul

(2) “ Judging… essential …happens all the time.” “… without forming judgments…”

“I have a problem with the term judging. It is a slippery path leading to judgment of the worst kind. Sort of like righteous wrath. There is no righteous wrath. One has lost their head to reason. I prefer Coriolis we judicially do discernment's weighing pro’s and con’s. The word judgment has been contaminated and no longer has a pristine ambiguous meaning. It’s usually meant to imply insult.” Paul

(3) “...these are based on the facts of the matter, rather than our own preconceived notions or prejudices.”

“Exact.”

(4) “... judgments. Finally, we cannot use language without labeling.”

“Again without strict adherence to cognitive disciple employing objective fact the situation can deteriorate with emotional subjective laden statements with gross distorted thought and speech. Instead of judgment name it such alike decision’s to be made.”

I judge you wrong about this.

 

[Mole]

Fantasy and Neurosis

Being negative, judging, or labelling, is called analysis.

In therapy it is called psychoanalysis.

Most of us want our fantasies to be unconditionally accepted without judgement, received non-judgementally.

We want our fantasies to be accepted non-judgementally because as small children we were not loved unconditionally, so we fantasise about it for the rest of our lives.

And so we become narcissistic and neurotic and fantasise about our unmet needs. Just as a starving person fantasises about food, we fantasise about unconditional acceptance.

 

[burningranger]

Sometimes thingsr are just NOT meant to resonate with us. There was a time when I thought I was really judgemental...but really I just don't resonate with a lot of crap on planet earth. It's not judgement...it's - i have standards and self-dignity...and even vision if you will. I see the ridiculousness and downright cruelty in much of our behaviour. Our current average social standards are laden with crap I don't want for myself...nor would i wish it upon a son or daughter of mine. I mean...just look at someone who is rich, supper fulfilled, attractive and self-loving (he is not afraid to say he likes himself)....how many people does he trigger just by being him? We aren't even over basic racism, or man/woman equality and believe we are TRULY worthy of happiness. Why is the majority depressed and filled with vices? Our society's "values" are a hoax. Our soul's true desires rarely are in line with it...the less in line they are the more resistance you can build to the state of the world...which is not a clue that you are judging the world, so much as it's clue that you are meant to be part of tsomething better.

I would even saying allowing yourself to BE judgemental is a key component in getting rid of judgement in yourself. We are all conditioned whether we to or not....most didn't happen within us as a conscious choice...so, from a proactive point of view one must be allowed to - feel like shit, express no-no emotions in our society like shame, sadness or anger, accepting we feeling unworthy deep down....if we are to FREE ourselves from societal mental/emotional conditioning.

But the reason we really judge is because we are AFRAID. If I don't judge you, I have to open my heart to you and see you as essentially equal....then, how will I justify hurting another in any way? If I open myself to you, you'll also see how I REALLY feel inside..and there's nothing that a human being fears more than true vulnerability and authenticity. If I open myself and stop judging certain behaviours in myself or others...I might LOSE CONTROL....they might chase me away with torches and pitchforks and ostracize me because I'll start seeing through the BS...I'll start speaking from my soul, from sanity. If I stop judging I become a loving being...and altough we might SAY love is great and shit....we are terrified of it and of anyone who might treat us in that way past our OWN self-judgements....we are afraid of letting the light in because it will destroy our ego strcuture. Ego IS selected focus IS judgement....you stop judging you open yourself to good and the bad both in you and others. So it's a control mechanism.

As kids we learn to internalize self-judgement to even survive in our families or schools. Specially when we don't receive the message by our parents that we loveable just as we are. And of course, the less normal you are, the harder it will be for your parents to show you love....unless they love themselves already. So we judge ourselves as a survival mechanism. Just look how many people can truly compliment themselves openly without feeling like they have to apologize for it? We start associating saying good things to us as dangerous in many cases.

 

[meowington]

we fantasise about unconditional acceptance.

I know I definitely do. So, quoted for truth.

I think most people barely conceive how conditional and contextual our love in general really is.

 

[Sacrophagus]

Negative situations will occur as problems or obstacles, but how you deal with them is what matters.
Negative reactions are the acme of unproductive behavior and most unwelcome. Are you going to continously complain, nag, and stress everyone with your frustration, or are you going to get to the kernel of things and solve the problem?

Judgments are necessary. We live through the filter of what we perceive as good or bad. They are the natural product of thoughts.

Labels are a tool to distinguish elements and efficiently create a certain order by division. Of course, not all labels are correct or morally acceptable since they serve personal motives, and will always be a subject of debate. Ultimately, we can literally and metaphorically attribute the existence of labels to the "Divide and conquer" maneuver.

 

[anticlimatic]

Context.

 

[Red Memories]

Context.

the most important thing.

in idealism it would be wonderful to not judge and label, but ultimately, this is not an ideal...this is reality.