Free Spirit!

[Nonsensical]

What are these cages of conformity closing in around me? Why have I been forced to abide by these rules? What country is this that is molding me into something I do not want to be? Funneled into an education, chained up..responsibilities, jobs, commitments, burdens..piled over my back..

I cannot wait to get out..perhaps I am being naive..who can tell. I have urges to break loose, to run, throw my burden down, and embrace freedom, where nothing matters, nothing, ever, to worry me..a surreal utopia of never ending bliss..that is freedom.

Now, as I step into the present, the here..

Does anyone ever feel this way? Trapped in an ever-shrinking cage of commitments and responsibilities that this so called "free world" piles upon your back?

 

[Jack Flak]

This is the archetypical bitter INFP stance. INTPs and INFPs are horrible at giving advice to one another, so someone else can wing that.

 

[Nonsensical]

Yeah, I agree.

 

[sharpedges]

What are these cages of conformity closing in around me? Why have I been forced to abide by these rules? What country is this that is molding me into something I do not want to be?

Well, I can give you my opinion based on research I've done, life experiences and observations... can't promise any definite accuracy.

Cages? External: tried and true social traditions, power, influence, and many other forces... nearly impossible to understand and penetrate thoroughly... I rely on hope! Internal: I'm thinking there's a much more conformity gravity in you! (as it's said, torn between cooperation or independence/individuality).

Why? You are you! Just like I'm forced to - stand alone while others cheer as I'm stoned to death... just so they can follow...

It's your choice as to the molding. Maturity offers the understanding to fully appreciate your purpose (trying to avoid getting too deep here) and how to manage your impact on others and their impact on you...

Are you alone? Absolutely not! Each of us have some driving force that's in constant battle - it's all in the way it's used...

Again, that's my view!

 

[Nonsensical]

And I respect that, thank you.

 

[Ilah]

Conformity is largely a choice. There may be pressure to conform, but whether you give into it is your choice. People may make fun of you and reject you for being nonconformist. You have to choose: do I please myself or the rest of the world?

There are some situation where you may have some element of conformity forced on you, such as a dress code, but there is still room for plenty of creative non-conformity (unless you have to have a uniform). For example, there are probably no rules against wearing all purple or dressing in rainbow colors or having unusual jewelry.

It is necessarily for most people to have a job, but you still have the freedom to select what kind of a job you want.

Once you get past high school eduction is your choice. You choose if you want more and where you want it.

Ilah

 

[disregard]

You can do things you don't want to do in order to survive while still maintaining a free mind and spirit.

Conformity is more of a surrender to a lauded image.. a forfeit of autonomy in favor of meeting a lesser degree of resistance from your environment.

Now, if your responsibilities and obligations are suffocating you and compromising your values, and you have options, then it's time for a change.

 

[Anja]

I felt that way for half my life. It's a heck of a place to dwell.

And I also resist giving advice but I can tell you what I finally figured out after years of butting my head against the wall and tilting at windmills.

I learned that conformity to certain "social" rules work to my advantage. Kindness and courtesy come back. Not always instantly - you gotta have a track record. I needed practice at carrying myself as a caring and kind human. There was a lot of fear of rejection and frustration at feeling misunderstood. It takes courage to admit those things. And strength to change them.

Hard work and dilligence, and persistance pay off - in time.

I married an ISTJ, the rock to my kite, and after years of trying to figure it out, our efforts at understanding each other and sometimes only tolerating each other, have paid off in a long-standing and satisfying relationship.

I worked jobs I detested and filled my unhappiness with happiness where I could find it. I saved money and planned for the future. Just like a good little conformist. Liked very little of that. Now I have money and time to play!

I raised two children who taught me how to grow up and be their mom.

I learned that no one thing or person in my life is going to fill me up. My responsibility. And I learned many skills, worked on good mental and physical health and my social skills and began making friends.

I learned that I can love myself and that other people like me better when I do.

I learned that it doesn't crush me to do things other people's way as long as I have spirited and creative outlets.

My life would have been even more difficult than it was if I hadn't learned to conform to those things which were "good for me." Do I like that? No. Is it generally true? Yes. Yup, reality sucks.

There's one area where we INFPs have something going for us - persistance. Once we figure out what it takes to create a satisfying life for ourselves nothing stops us.

But - it takes time and hard work. It doesn't hurt to figure out how to do it so that there's plenty of fun included.

And, in my case, I wasn't motivated to start in on the work of creating a healthy life until self-will, self-pity and a terminal case of "uniqueness" had brought me to a place I knew I didn't want to be for the rest of my life.

 

[Nonsensical]

Now, if your responsibilities and obligations are suffocating you and compromising your values, and you have options, then it's time for a change.

I think that basically sums up my situation.

 

[Nonsensical]

Anja, I really appreciate you're advice, I read it, and it really opened up a new page to my never ending story..and will put into mind what you have said.

 

[Anja]

I am glad that my words can give you something to pick from. Maybe some of it will be useful.

It's pretty cool to have a never-ending story, eh? That's the deal, I think.

And, remember, change doesn't have to mean environment, sometimes it just means a little personal fine-tuning.

It's tough to change one's self but it's even harder to change somebody else!

And success to me is being comfortable with being me.