ygolo
My termites win
- Joined
- Aug 6, 2007
- Messages
- 5,996
[MENTION=204]FineLine[/MENTION], I have, to my current satisfaction done what you suggest. I need to readjust and continuously improve, but my social skills for business is in good shape. If a business level of connection cured your loneliness, that is great. But, it has not cured mine, nor do I believe it has the capability to do so.
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Even here, I think somethings need to be pointed out. I think FIRO-b takes a more comprehensive approach than the first impressions web-site. In fact, I think the first impressions site shows one of the main failings of the notion of social skills used in psychology. That is that the study of social skills is really a study of the preferences of the current majority (or at least the current majority in control of business).
To highlight this distinction, I can refer to the frustrations of many ENJs I've know in science and engineering circles, or graduate school (and I've had plenty of people complain to me directly about this. For some reason, people confide these things in me.). The complaints are similar to what introverts have towards the general public. The main difference is that these individuals claim that the particular community of people lack social skills. They neglect the fact that the "typical" engineer and scientist gets along without much frustration with the others. The more boisterous ones, however, are the ones having social problems in this context.
I would say, in the above case, it is indeed the overly extroverted one that is lacking social skills in that context. The FIRO-b acknowledges this, the firstimpressions web site does not.
But I think this should point out that, to some extent, most people you claim to have social skills, do not have social skills. What they do have instead is a natural ability to get along with the majority of their community which they happen to be similar to. If they had skills, they would be able to readjust to a more introverted community if needed, or a more idea oriented community if needed, or a more confrontational community if needed.
Some do indeed have these skills--the ability to readjust. Perhaps you are one of them.
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From a superficial, business-level of skill in creating connections, I am continually improving. But I do not believe this process will help. Business is about meeting people to make transactions. You tend to meet people infrequently. You tend to not create a particularly deep connection with them. Business social skills are something I need to work on, but I believe them to be unrelated to my loneliness.
For a contrast, consider the following web site's ideas:
http://loveworksforyou.com/articles/7-reasons-why-dates-dont-work/
This article is from a web-site dedicated to forming intimate connections. Notice how many of the ideas are in direct opposition to the firstimpressionconsulting website (meant for business).
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Even here, I think somethings need to be pointed out. I think FIRO-b takes a more comprehensive approach than the first impressions web-site. In fact, I think the first impressions site shows one of the main failings of the notion of social skills used in psychology. That is that the study of social skills is really a study of the preferences of the current majority (or at least the current majority in control of business).
To highlight this distinction, I can refer to the frustrations of many ENJs I've know in science and engineering circles, or graduate school (and I've had plenty of people complain to me directly about this. For some reason, people confide these things in me.). The complaints are similar to what introverts have towards the general public. The main difference is that these individuals claim that the particular community of people lack social skills. They neglect the fact that the "typical" engineer and scientist gets along without much frustration with the others. The more boisterous ones, however, are the ones having social problems in this context.
I would say, in the above case, it is indeed the overly extroverted one that is lacking social skills in that context. The FIRO-b acknowledges this, the firstimpressions web site does not.
But I think this should point out that, to some extent, most people you claim to have social skills, do not have social skills. What they do have instead is a natural ability to get along with the majority of their community which they happen to be similar to. If they had skills, they would be able to readjust to a more introverted community if needed, or a more idea oriented community if needed, or a more confrontational community if needed.
Some do indeed have these skills--the ability to readjust. Perhaps you are one of them.
---
From a superficial, business-level of skill in creating connections, I am continually improving. But I do not believe this process will help. Business is about meeting people to make transactions. You tend to meet people infrequently. You tend to not create a particularly deep connection with them. Business social skills are something I need to work on, but I believe them to be unrelated to my loneliness.
For a contrast, consider the following web site's ideas:
http://loveworksforyou.com/articles/7-reasons-why-dates-dont-work/
This article is from a web-site dedicated to forming intimate connections. Notice how many of the ideas are in direct opposition to the firstimpressionconsulting website (meant for business).