Parents who use their children as tools

[Elfboy]

they make me fucking sick the way they control their children's behavior and strip them of their childhood. the more I look though, it's everywhere
1) child beauty parents
2) parents who excessively pressure their children into aggressive sports
3) politicians and church leaders who use their children as political tools
4) parents who force their children into celebrity status that wreaks havoc on their psyche (Britney Spears and Michael Jackson are prime examples)
5) parents who exploit their children's talent's and force them to perform for money

why are some parents so controlling and disrespectful of their children's psychological needs and need for a childhood? it makes my Fi want to blast them with a bazooka

 

[Stigmata]

The root of it all is selfishness, with the reasoning and how it manifests itself being the only difference amongst them.

#1, #2, #4, #5 typically equate to parents trying to fulfill their own desires by living vicariously through their children. Basically, they've typically given up on themselves and act out of a skewed sense of parental compassion and thus genuinely believe their actions reflect their own love for their child, when really they're just robbing them of their sense of autonomy and identity.

#3 exploit children to appeal to the emotions of adults, thus using them as a means of extraction, whether it be for power/social status and/or monetary purposes. I mean, no one dares to go against the children, right? That's the type of rhetoric they use to meet their agenda.

 

[ThatGirl]

When TK was in utero I swore I would ride his ass like a Jewish mom (this was before I actually knew any Jewish people). Anyway, he can use a shove as somehow the former translated to him having an overly charmed life and thinking he was the boss of everything. My income, my rules. He IS taking the classes I want him to unless he comes up with a better alternative that speaks to him more >.< But I'll be damned if he doesn't do ANYTHING.

 

[wolfy]

They're tools alright... the parents that is. I thought this thread was going to be about using your kids as screwdrivers and bottle openers... which I am also against.

 

[Santosha]

I totally agree EB. This stuff makes me insane. But I disagree that it is all rooted in selfishness. I do think that some of these parents actually believe they are doing their child a favor. You'll notice that parents like these all have one thing in common: A limited understanding of child development and psychological/emotional health.

 

[Elfboy]

They're tools alright... the parents that is. I thought this thread was going to be about using your kids as screwdrivers and bottle openers... which I am also against

lol Sensor moment

 

[Giggly]

What's even more common these days is parents/society driving kids academically.

 

[Viridian]

What's even more common these days is parents/society driving kids academically.

Reminds me of the Amy Chua case... Shame it was all over so quickly, there were a lot of important issues involved, and I wish I had seen more discussion. C'est la vie.

 

[Elfboy]

What's even more common these days is parents/society driving kids academically.

and pointlessly too. having a 4.0 GBA doesn't mean anything if you're applying for a state school. at that point, it's just a glorified number. is america inherently like an unhealthy 3 or something

 

[Savage Idealist]

why are some parents so controlling and disrespectful of their children's psychological needs and need for a childhood?

My theories on this matter:

[QUPTE]1) child beauty parents[/QUOTE]

Psychologically unstable mothers whom have failed within their own pathetic lives, thus use their own daughters as proxy to embrace the glory in live that they never got.

2) parents who excessively pressure their children into aggressive sports

Over-aggressive fathers whom want their sons to be 'manly' and live up the the traditional male social rolemodel.

3) politicians and church leaders who use their children as political tools

Assholes whom have little to nothing in the way of morals and do whatever it takes to get social prestige and power.

4) parents who force their children into celebrity status that wreaks havoc on their psyche (Britney Spears and Michael Jackson are prime examples)

Dipshit morons or ruthless assholes, depends on the individual and their personal reasons for forcing their kids into celebrity status,

5) parents who exploit their children's talent's and force them to perform for money

Greedy self centered sociopaths.

 

[Elfboy]

My theories on this matter:

[QUPTE]1) child beauty parents

Psychologically unstable mothers whom have failed within their own pathetic lives, thus use their own daughters as proxy to embrace the glory in live that they never got.



Over-aggressive fathers whom want their sons to be 'manly' and live up the the traditional male social rolemodel.



Assholes whom have little to nothing in the way of morals and do whatever it takes to get social prestige and power.



Dipshit morons or ruthless assholes, depends on the individual and their personal reasons for forcing their kids into celebrity status,



Greedy self centered sociopaths.[/QUOTE]

1UP

 

[mujigay]

What feeds this type of thinking is the misguided belief that popping out a baby somehow confers sainthood upon a person.

 

[Elfboy]

What feeds this type of thinking is the misguided belief that popping out a baby somehow confers sainthood upon a person.

seriously. what is it with some parents and thinking they're morally superior for being a parent?

 

[chickpea]

i'm only going to use my children as a tool to get out of social obligations. i'm going to say 'sorry, my kid's sick!' so often people will think they're terminally ill.

the pageant parents are the creepiest imo. dressing their little kids up like middle aged hookers.

 

[Jonny]

My dad used me as a fleshlight...

 

[Viridian]

seriously. what is it with some parents and thinking they're morally superior for being a parent?

Yes... Respecting your parents when they are nurturing and have fed and clothed you and whatnot is one thing; becoming their pet doll serf is another.

 

[ZPowers]

There's an even worse trend in this same vein now (at least to me). Octomom? Those teen mom shows? Jon and Kate Gosselin? Isn't there some show about having 16 kids? Just having kids, especially a ton of them, is a fame and profit motivator. Never mind you screw up 1 or 8 or 16 lives to get it. They just make life so they can sell off the childhood of their kids before they are even born. They treat their kids like the rest of us treat a business strategy. Shit, have a ton of kids, make money, fuck the needs of the kids. A while back Jon and Kate Gosselin broke up, and a lot of people took sides. Talking about who broke it up, who's the asshole, whatever. The whole time I thought fuck the both of them. They don't have enough regard for their children over their own celebrity to fill a thimble. I hope those kids get taken away and go to decent parents.

Maybe the worst thing is how, sometimes, it really works because so many people eat it up. Just encourages the next, larger batch.

 

[Santosha]

seriously. what is it with some parents and thinking they're morally superior for being a parent?

Well, I think that having a child can certainly open someone up for experiences and growth potential that they may not have come across in other situations. The act of creating a child is certainly nothing signifigant imo (the phsyical act, the biological act is extraordinary) but as soon as a woman is carrying another life every action she takes be it movement, nutrition, stress, negative/positive thoughts, etc. is affecting another entity. Many people have noticed that once they have children, their thought process is entirely shifted from self-interest to other interest, though this is arguable when "other" is extension of self.. but I'm not going into that. Ofcourse not everyone that has a child is receptive to the nudgings of this shift, and other people that don't have children can find themselves experiencing unconditional love for parents, siblings, so's, and pets. But I do believe the parent-child bond is generally the strongest and therefore the most likely to set the framework for a very spiritual and humbling experience.. which is why, I think, we are soo outraged when we see parents doing what we perceive to be such harmful things to their children. Having a child does not make one morally superior.. but having lots of children doesn't make someone morally inferior. Neither does pushing your child as each of these circumstances are so unique and the ripple affect so far reaching that who's to say what is right and wrong?

However, I think that obvious harm to the childs psyche can be observed by evidence such as depression, substance abuse, excessive image consciousness, overeating, emaciation etc. But I want to note, that all of these things can also occur in children that's parents NEVER used them as tools, usually from some kind of off-shoot of society in general.

What I'm getting at is that yes, some of these peoples priorities are very fucked up but I do believe that life is hard, and people go through various struggles, and the key to how happy or successful someone ends up is not controlled by the things that happen to them, but by the way they choose to react to it. The "my parents were assholes" crutch only takes you so far, before you have to suck it up and realize that you are the captain of your destiny, that people can only harm you as much as YOU allow them to, and that the way you see the world and how you fit into it is decided in your own mind. Obviously children are unable to comprehend this, most adults struggle with it, including myself.

 

[Lily flower]

I agree with what you said about parents controlling their children.

I do however, think that many of the children in beauty pageants or sports really want to be there. I have one daughter who is absolutely obsessed with makeup and fashion and has been since she was 2 years old. (As her mom, I am clueless and have not interest in stuff like that, so she doesn't get that from me). I'm sure she would absolutely love to be in beauty pageants. We have decided to never let her be in one (at least until she is an older teenager and can make some of her own decisions), because we don't want her focusing on physical beauty over character, but I can assure you that if she were in one, it would be totally her choice.

I also have a son who was obsessed with playing football, even though none of us in the family really wanted him to. So really, a lot of the times the decision is made by the children and not by their parents.

 

[entropie]

Children as a tool ? Never !

Tho I have of course already bought a suit for my son !! So that he knows from day 1 what great expectations lay upon him !!! And if its a girl the mother can raise it, girls are too difficult