Ask God

[figsfiggyfigs]

Dear YWIR,

Because you are lacking in dedication. You are either lazy or not engaging in studies suited to you. Also, stop watching America's Next Top Model. Srsly.

Ew God, Ew.

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

Dear God, what invention or discovery so far have you found the most interesting and why?

Dear crayons,

This is one of the best questions I've ever heard! In my opinion, the two biggest inventions in human history are the telephone and the Apollo moon rocket. They boggle even my considerable mind. On one hand, the telephone is something most people use every day. On the other hand, dudes went to the $#@% MOON.

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

Why God why do you stay so high above in those clouds and watch some of your children suffer so very much?

A plan you have they might say,
To strnghthen you they might say,

But dear, all mighty, ever loving God, there are limits to which one could go through and when the limit is pushed too hard does it not hurt you that a child of you suffers?

Does it not occur to you that one can't take it anymore?
Do you not hear when one screams so hard for help, call your name, that maybe maybe you should stop?

If any one of my children are hurt it would kill me inside.

Yeah this makes me doubt God's omnipotence. Which I'm ok with. Would rather have a not all-powerful God than one who CAN do something but instead stands by and watches, for whatever the reason. Maybe it's my puny human brain, but I don't think God can be all-loving AND all-powerful.

I agree, there are limits to what is "for ones own good." Some things will break a person.

Dear Riva and gromit,

Believe me, I'm sympathetic to such concerns. I take no pleasure in the suffering of my people. But there is a larger plan at work here than any one man's experience. Omnipotence is something I simply can't share with you and something I can't make you understand. That's why we have faith. All I can do is ask that you recognize that I sacrificed my own son. I don't ask more of anyone than I ask of myself.

 

[Totenkindly]

Dear God,

Do you think there is any large step of mankind that is simply a step too far (like being able to call home from the moon with your smart phone, resulting in monumental monthly bills), and what steps are you willing to take to make sure that mankind stays in its assigned place?

(After all, I can imagine it could be scary to wake up some morning to hear bulldozers taking Elysium next door down, and wonder when you'll be evicted from Pearly Gates gates community.)

 

[Totenkindly]

Dear God,

Do you think there is any large step of mankind that is simply a step too far (like being able to call home from the moon with your smart phone, resulting in monumental monthly bills), and what steps are you willing to take to make sure that mankind stays in its assigned place?

(After all, I can imagine it could be scary to wake up some morning to hear bulldozers taking down Elysium next door, and wonder when you'll be evicted from the Pearly Gates / Roads Paved of Gold gated community. Once commercialism takes over the moon, then next will come mars, and it won't be long until we pave Paradise and put up a parking lot!)

* * * * *

Oh yeah, too -- if Odin or Ra or other pantheons were displaced by said construction companies, which god do you think you'd best be able to put up for the night until s/he could find new digs, and which god(s) would you definitely have to no to? (And, of course, why)

 

[Riva]

Dear Riva and gromit,

Believe me, I'm sympathetic to such concerns. I take no pleasure in the suffering of my people. But there is a larger plan at work here than any one man's experience. Omnipotence is something I simply can't share with you and something I can't make you understand. That's why we have faith. All I can do is ask that you recognize that I sacrificed my own son. I don't ask more of anyone than I ask of myself.

Dear God I am not well wised in any of your holy books.

Therefore may I know where you ever said that you have a plan that you cannot share with us, which is mentioned in the Bible or any of the Holy books, so that I could look it up?

This way I would know that you mentioned it somewhere and that people didn't come up with that reply every time your mighty actions are questioned.

---

And also dear God, if I wanted to save my children from damnation I would I suffered myself rather than sending my son.

But you are very compassionate.

You sacrificed your own son.

 

[Totenkindly]

God: Son, I need you to do me a favor. I want you to go down there and get tortured and killed.
Son: Wtf?? Why?
God: Cuz i need to sacrifice you, to impress these earthlings.
Son: I'm not doing it.
God: Why are you being so stubborn? I mean, it's gonna hurt me more than it hurts you.
Son: That's a matter of debate. That's it, i want to go live with Mom.
God: Sorry, I sacrificed her last year. now it's your turn.

Or are you saying it was a joint effort?

 

[FigerPuppet]

Dear God,

Why is my penis so small and inefficient for coitus?

 

[FlatteringlyDerisive]

Well... Dear God,
As individuals, we may just happen. Not going into details, nobody is inherently better but may be highly valued in comparison to others. So, as I proceed about my life, what is your opinion for what I do? Would you despise me for intentionally harming others? It would happen whether or not I intend so. These inevitable events in life due to the various contributing factors that make my days are extremely complex. Do you favor anyone as good? I mean, you can't claim anyone evil except for the perceiver of evil (Christians... uh no pointing fingers). The life I live is a paradox, and unfortunately (in a way), I was born in America. These people want me to shackle myself to their vague collection of instructions passed down from generations of retarded monkeys. Evolution wants to devour my soul. I wish to scientifically develop a way to seperate my conscious from my physical being by applying an extremely-effective electron stimulator to highly activate my neurological power, in which I will then re-stabilize my bioelectric structure. So my general question being, what are your opinions of me? Do you despise me, like me, respect me or fear me? Do you wish to mold me into delicious banana chips? What would the ultimately-ultimate answer be? ...

 

[Lark]

Dear God,
Dont let it rain on the pickets tommorrow, its going to be a long day striking without that,
Also, let the police take a holiday rather than beat people up.

 

[Mole]

Dear God, do you love us because we are crazy enough to worship you?

 

[Riva]

Dear God, aren't you a freaking hypocrite?

Why do you ask us to -

love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,

but you can't even love a person who doesn't believe you enough to take him/her to heaven?

Dear God, aren't you a freaking hypocrite?

 

[A window to the soul]

Dear God,

Why didn't you answer Victor's question?

 

[Kraska]

Dear God

Why have you allowed hatred, greed and vanity to enter our souls?
Why have you allowed us to kill each other like there is no tomorrow?
Why is there so much sadness in the world?
How did your sons got to the point of questioning Your existence?

 

[iwakar]

Sorry guys, God is out to lunch:

 

[Chimerical]

So, God, why are you so particular about people capitalizing pronouns in reference to you? That sounds a little petty, don't you think.

Also, if you created everything and you're this omnipotent all powerful being who knows everything then why are there people who do "bad" things? Wouldn't you know what they're going to do based on the environment you put them in and how you, personally, made them [down to every hair, their personality and everything]. So, given that, every crime committed would be YOUR fault. Since you made the criminal the way they were and knew they'd end up going down that path in life if they were in the situation they were born into.

Like hitler. You made an motivational man and set him up so he wouldn't get into art school and he'd be angry and kill a lot of jews. Why God?

Also, Do you like Chai?

 

[Elisius]

God, how do we kill you?

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

Dear God,

Do you think there is any large step of mankind that is simply a step too far (like being able to call home from the moon with your smart phone, resulting in monumental monthly bills), and what steps are you willing to take to make sure that mankind stays in its assigned place?

(After all, I can imagine it could be scary to wake up some morning to hear bulldozers taking down Elysium next door, and wonder when you'll be evicted from the Pearly Gates / Roads Paved of Gold gated community. Once commercialism takes over the moon, then next will come mars, and it won't be long until we pave Paradise and put up a parking lot!)

Dear Jennifer,

Wow, I like this question! I think that there are limits to human technology that are based on the materials available to mankind and the physical limits of miniaturization. Moore's Law cannot continue to rule indefinitely, and I think the laws of physics may prevent a technological singularity from ever being realized. In other words, whatever steps I have to take were taken when I created the universe in the first place. (That kind of blew your mind, didn't it?)

Oh yeah, too -- if Odin or Ra or other pantheons were displaced by said construction companies, which god do you think you'd best be able to put up for the night until s/he could find new digs, and which god(s) would you definitely have to no to? (And, of course, why)

This is confidential, right? I don't need this getting back to folks. First off, Aphrodite can crash anytime. I'm sure I'm not alone in that, amirite guys? The guy whose call I'm going to duck is Ganesh. He's a DICK. Dude has eight arms, and guaranteed all of them are touching your shit.

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

Dear God I am not well wised in any of your holy books.

Therefore may I know where you ever said that you have a plan that you cannot share with us, which is mentioned in the Bible or any of the Holy books, so that I could look it up?

This way I would know that you mentioned it somewhere and that people didn't come up with that reply every time your mighty actions are questioned.

Dear Riva,

You don't have to look anything up...you're getting it from the horse's mouth!

And also dear God, if I wanted to save my children from damnation I would I suffered myself rather than sending my son.

But you are very compassionate.

You sacrificed your own son.

As we are both part of the Holy Trinity, myself and my son are part of the same collective being. So I did it too. God does not like snark, Riva!

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

God: Son, I need you to do me a favor. I want you to go down there and get tortured and killed.
Son: Wtf?? Why?
God: Cuz i need to sacrifice you, to impress these earthlings.
Son: I'm not doing it.
God: Why are you being so stubborn? I mean, it's gonna hurt me more than it hurts you.
Son: That's a matter of debate. That's it, i want to go live with Mom.
God: Sorry, I sacrificed her last year. now it's your turn.

Or are you saying it was a joint effort?

Dear Jennifer,

Believe you me, that boy got his pound of flesh later on. After 2000 years, he knows how to push my buttons.

Dear God,

Why is my penis so small and inefficient for coitus?

Dear SmileyMan,

After the whole snake/apple/Garden of Eden thing went down and pretty much slandered an entire gender, women demanded concessions. This was one of their dealbreakers.

Sorry, bro.