Ask God

[EffEmDoubleyou]

God,

This is an interesting observation. My real dilemma however is dessert. What do you do when your date/partner after you insisting they also order dessert does not and then begs to have 'some' of your dessert?

Admittedly, this is a tougher dilemma. If you order dessert and your date does not, she will simply be watching you eat. I can recommend two courses of action:

1. If your date does not order dessert, decline dessert yourself. You can always get some ice cream on the way home after you drop her off.
2. If you really want dessert and she declines, order your dessert and ask the server to bring two spoons. She will dig right in, or my name isn't God. It's not ideal, but half a dessert is better than none.

Dear God,

Get a new avatar. It's red.

Red is God's favorite color. Satan started using it just to piss me off.

Dear God,

Don't listen to him. That avatar's awesome.

See? None of my creations are beyond redemption.

Dear God,

Don't listen to Ginkgos who consume too much lemonade. Lol.

Jaguar, let those who have never drunk lemonade cast the first stone.

 

[Ginkgo]

See? None of my creations are beyond redemption.

 

[Totenkindly]

Jim, I am glad to have helped. It is appropriate to say no when your date, who has ordered only a salad despite being encouraged to get whatever she wants, asks if she can have some of your french fries.

God! No!!!

...Sigh. It's true. God's a man.

 

[Stanton Moore]

What would make a person want to pretend to be god on a meesage board?

Oh yeah. INTJ.

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

What would make a person want to pretend to be god on a meesage board?

Oh yeah. INTJ.

Nebbykoo, I don't imagine anyone would seriously want to pretend to be me on a message board. That's hubris of the highest order, and an INTJ would know it was a fruitless task. I imagine anyone who attempts such a feat is simply looking to defuse religious tension and have a few laughs.

 

[Mad Hatter]

Dear god,
what do you think of fan fiction (e.g. Bible)?

 

[Stanton Moore]

Nebbykoo, I don't imagine anyone would seriously want to pretend to be me on a message board. That's hubris of the highest order, and an INTJ would know it was a fruitless task. I imagine anyone who attempts such a feat is simply looking to defuse religious tension and have a few laughs.

I see. Altruism. Be careful with such a foreign concept.

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

Dear god,
what do you think of fan fiction (e.g. Bible)?

Mad Hatter,

I appreciate your sense of humor. I see what you did there. I disapprove of fan fiction, because I really don't need to see poorly written stories about hobbits having a circle jerk. But the Bible is not fan fiction, as I clearly exist. But if you really want to know what I think of the Bible, it's the same thing I think about shopping clearance sales. The good 10% is worth wading through the 90% that's BS.

 

[strawberries]

hullo god, if someone had sex with you would their armpits and stuff explode into a squillion shooting stars?

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

hullo god, if someone had sex with you would their armpits and stuff explode into a squillion shooting stars?

Strawberries,

I find experience is the best teacher. Let's discuss this further at my place.

 

[strawberries]

sorry, i need my armpits and other stuff.

 

[Ginkgo]

Dear god,
what do you think of fan fiction (e.g. Bible)?

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

I'm sorry, Ginkgo, but only one answer per question. I'm God, for crying out loud. I don't change my answer

 

[miss fortune]

dear god,

where does one find this "faith" of which you speak (meaning, probably, not the george michael version!)? why do some people beleive things so easily and others find it impossible because doubt is the natural mindset?

why do some people have so many inherent flaws and others seem impervious to them?

why do people use your name to destroy others? what purpose does guilt have?

 

[Rasofy]

God,
Don't you think humans are screwing up the planet? Isn't it time for you to create something new? When will you send another asteroid?

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

dear god,

where does one find this "faith" of which you speak (meaning, probably, not the george michael version!)? why do some people beleive things so easily and others find it impossible because doubt is the natural mindset?

whatever,

Some people find faith through seeing my influence and blessings in the lives of those around them. Some find it by a personal epiphany. Some accept it blindly, which despite the teachings of many of my "followers", is not a path I'm particularly enthralled with. On the other hand, some fail to have faith because they find it at odds with observable fact. This has always perplexed me, and I MADE you guys.

why do some people have so many inherent flaws and others seem impervious to them?

I would suggest that not all flaws are apparent at first glance. Remember how cool everyone thought O.J. Simpson, Tiger Woods, and Lance Armstrong were?

why do people use your name to destroy others? what purpose does guilt have?

Some people use my name to destroy others because they have chosen to be evil. It's the down side of giving people free will. It sucks. I hate seeing some of you guys bend over others of you. But there's really no way around it.

As for guilt, it serves to help people do better the next time. What kind of world would there be without remorse? God knows I love you all, but I don't buy into the whole everyone-needs-lots-of-self-esteem thing. A little shame is good if you've done something shameful. I promise to stop referring to myself in the third person now

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

God,
Don't you think humans are screwing up the planet? Isn't it time for you to create something new? When will you send another asteroid?

Rasofy,

I definitely think humans are screwing up the planet. But I don't want to create something new. I want you guys to GET it. I made you in my image and I love you. The world is full of wonders that please me, but you guys are the olive in my martini. Without you it just doesn't work for me. I can't help but keep giving you chances, because my fervent hope is that you reach the potential I gave you.

 

[Jessica]

Why do you not exist?

 

[Rasofy]

I feel enlightened already!
God,
Why did you create INTJs? I mean, they are a bunch of smartasses.

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

Why do you not exist?

It's quite the paradox to ask a being why he doesn't exist. I don't know what to tell you. In the meantime, mingle and have some ambrosia. I made it myself!