Ask God

[Lark]

I'm perhaps not understanding the nature of this thread, is this your blog or are you standing in for God? I wouldnt, as you say, "edit" a prayer, its one of the few times you dont need to.

People have complained about the length of my posts before, it's something I dont understand because whether you read them or not is down to you.

Lark,

tl;dr

Haha, I'm just screwing with you. But seriously, from now on, don't be afraid to edit. I get lots of questions. Thanks for the kind words, I don't get too many of those unless someone wants a pony [not naming any names]. Your request is a thorny one. I don't really interfere in the affairs of men's hearts. It's not my place. All I can do is to say that this too shall pass. This young woman appears to have left these feelings behind, and you will too. It's always hard to be the one that holds onto the feelings the longest, but take heart - it's a sign of the depth and quantity of love you are capable of giving!

 

[Tamske]

Dear God,
what's in the middle of a black hole? And you know I don't want a fuzzy description. I want to know how the laws of nature work for what we call the singularity, for that quantummechanically small and general-relativistically heavy point. Give me the formulas. And I don't want any of that crap of "you puny human brain can't grasp that".
Oh, and I'll check them. If they don't consistently combine quantum mechanics and general relativity, I still won't believe in you.

(and if they DO consistently combine QM and GR, EffEmDoubleyou, don't send them to me. Send them to a scientific magazine and take the Nobel Prize for yourself)

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

Dear God,

Being capable of seeing all, thinking all and feeling all, do you ever feel like giving up your day job? or maybe just taking a vacation? What is the hardest part of your job? Is there a Mrs God? Do you ever perv on people while they shower? (Will i go to hell for asking that?)

Lastly ... Is there a animal heaven?

Thank you <3

Saslou,

I don't ever feel like giving up my day job. What could I do that would be more fulfilling? The only thing I wonder about is living in the woods and chopping wood for a living. It seems kind of beautiful and serene. It's why I made trees not feel pain. The hardest part of my job is seeing people in pain. Pain is a part of the world, and it is unavoidable. But that doesn't mean that it doesn't upset me or that I'm insulated against it. Mrs. God? Well, I had a thing with Mary Magdalene, but she's the kind of chick you date but don't marry if you know what I mean. I work too much for most women. I don't perv on people in the shower. Much.

As for animal heaven, that is the toughest question anyone has asked me. It pains me to answer it. But the answer is no. Humans aren't much more intelligent and thoughtful than other animals by accident. Only humans are gifted with brains complex enough to ponder their own sentience and mortality, and to exercise informed and reasoned free will. And so only they can earn a soul. I hope that I've not upset you. Pets are wonderful companions and a source of much joy. But they aren't eternal.

Dear God,

Thank you for creating me. Thank you for creating everything. Thank you for clearing out my resentment, my melancholy, and my general spiritual constipation. You are the Drain-O to my metaphysical piping. I'm looking forward to our relationship growing and taking new turns.

Ginkgo

Wow, not even a question! Just a thank you! Rock on, Gingko.

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

I'm perhaps not understanding the nature of this thread, is this your blog or are you standing in for God? I wouldnt, as you say, "edit" a prayer, its one of the few times you dont need to.

People have complained about the length of my posts before, it's something I dont understand because whether you read them or not is down to you.

Lark,

Humor is one of my favorite creations. Don't be afraid to indulge in it!

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

Dear God,
what's in the middle of a black hole? And you know I don't want a fuzzy description. I want to know how the laws of nature work for what we call the singularity, for that quantummechanically small and general-relativistically heavy point. Give me the formulas. And I don't want any of that crap of "you puny human brain can't grasp that".
Oh, and I'll check them. If they don't consistently combine quantum mechanics and general relativity, I still won't believe in you.

Tamske,

42.

 

[iwakar]

Dear God,

Do you have a gender? If not, why are you often referred to in the masculine? (As you already know, I am a writer and need clarification for editorial purposes.)

<3
An English Geek

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

Dear God,

Do you have a gender? If not, why are you often referred to in the masculine? (As you already know, I am a writer and need clarification for editorial purposes.)

<3
An English Geek

iwakar,

I was going to answer by referring to my post above where I admitted to a fling with Mary Magdalene. But tapping that was no indication of gender, let me tell you. I suppose I was given the male gender because in Old Testament days it was just assumed that anyone with power was a man. Later on, I had a son that was also me, so I reckon that's pretty good evidence for declaring me a dude. But honestly, I'm a nurturer too. I don't claim a gender. Too much baggage. Keep writing!

 

[Lark]

Lark,

Humor is one of my favorite creations. Don't be afraid to indulge in it!

I dont want to be the butt of anyones jokes, I'm sure you dont either. Or maybe you would see it as simply an exercise in humour. Anyway.

 

[Saslou]

Saslou,

I don't ever feel like giving up my day job. What could I do that would be more fulfilling? The only thing I wonder about is living in the woods and chopping wood for a living. It seems kind of beautiful and serene. It's why I made trees not feel pain. The hardest part of my job is seeing people in pain. Pain is a part of the world, and it is unavoidable. But that doesn't mean that it doesn't upset me or that I'm insulated against it. Mrs. God? Well, I had a thing with Mary Magdalene, but she's the kind of chick you date but don't marry if you know what I mean. I work too much for most women. I don't perv on people in the shower. Much.

As for animal heaven, that is the toughest question anyone has asked me. It pains me to answer it. But the answer is no. Humans aren't much more intelligent and thoughtful than other animals by accident. Only humans are gifted with brains complex enough to ponder their own sentience and mortality, and to exercise informed and reasoned free will. And so only they can earn a soul. I hope that I've not upset you. Pets are wonderful companions and a source of much joy. But they aren't eternal.

Dear God,

Living in the woods and chopping sounds fun for all of 5 mins, good luck with that

The idea of no animal heaven does bring me pain .. I thought god loved all things, and animals being no exception. Do you not have any extra space in heaven for them? Can you please change your mind?

Lastly, what do our souls look like when we are in heaven? Are we like orbs? Also, when reincarnated (if that exists) do we meet with people who we've expereinced previous lives with as i swear someone i knew was my child in a past life.

This really is the last question .. As you know everything, will i ever win the lottery and i don't just mean £10, more like half a million so i can really help others?

For all your hard work, i think you deserve a drink

 

[figsfiggyfigs]

Dear God,

Why are oranges round? :c

 

[Tamske]

Dear God,

thank you for the succinct answer. I only fear our world will be shut down now, as it has found the question.
I'm ready to convert now. Can you please tell me which religion I should adhere to?

Greetings,

Tamske

 

[Haven]

god, why does it burn when I pee?

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

Dear God,

The idea of no animal heaven does bring me pain .. I thought god loved all things, and animals being no exception. Do you not have any extra space in heaven for them? Can you please change your mind?

Saslou, I'm afraid not. There are lots of hard decisions to make when you're God, and this is one of the hardest. It's a slippery slope. If I give dogs souls, do I have to give rats souls? Ants? Bacteria? I hope you can see the quandary.

Lastly, what do our souls look like when we are in heaven? Are we like orbs? Also, when reincarnated (if that exists) do we meet with people who we've expereinced previous lives with as i swear someone i knew was my child in a past life.

It's hard to explain what you look like in heaven. But you'll dig it. Promise! Sorry, but there is no reincarnation (unless you want to count your human life and then the afterlife). You only go around once...so make it count!

This really is the last question .. As you know everything, will i ever win the lottery and i don't just mean £10, more like half a million so i can really help others?

I can't say. I don't control that, the lottery commission does. I don't pretend to be in the future-predicting business. It's part of giving you guys free will. But I hope you do win! I can tell you'd do great things with it

For all your hard work, i think you deserve a drink

Thanks! I'll have an old fashioned, please. (A little on the nose, but they're delicious.)

Dear God,

Why are oranges round? :c

YWIR,

So they fit the juicer.

 

[Ginkgo]

Hey God,

Do you ever enter into any unequal relationships?

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

Dear God,

thank you for the succinct answer. I only fear our world will be shut down now, as it has found the question.
I'm ready to convert now. Can you please tell me which religion I should adhere to?

Greetings,

Tamske

Tamske,

As I explained before, I'm not all that hung up on which religion you choose as long as it's based on love, compassion and recognizes a benevolent higher power. If you like to do your own thing, I'm cool with that too. I'm more concerned with people who pervert religion for their own agenda.

god, why does it burn when I pee?

Haven,

That's between you and your God. Oh wait, that's me! I guess I have to answer. It burns when you pee because you lost your judgment when you had that ninth vodka tonic.

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

Hey God,

Do you ever enter into any unequal relationships?

Ginkgo,

Hands up anyone who's created a universe! Anyone? Bueller?

All my relationships are inequal.

 

[Nicodemus]

Why did you create pedophiles?

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

Why did you create pedophiles?

Nicodemus,

I didn't create them, they evolved!

 

[Nicodemus]

You're a clever one, god, though apparently not clever to enough to prevent them from evolving. Where are the limits of your love?

 

[Mole]

Why did you order Abraham to murder his son?

Don't you know this is a criminal offence under Australian law?