Loss

[persianeyes]

How do you react when someone close to you has passed away, moved far from you (phsycally/mentally), decided to end the relationship, hasnt forgiven you or is dissapointed in you?

What is your first reaction, how much do you tend to care and feel about it?

How long does the feeling last?

Are you understanding, or do you take it to heart?

How do you heal?

Even if any you haven't been through any of these expiriences, I would still like to know how you believe you would act.

 

[Totenkindly]

How do you react when:
- someone close to you has passed away

Feel sad. Miss them. Think about them. Accept it as part of life. It doesn't really debilitate me.

moved far from you (phsycally/mentally)

Feel sad/ache. Feel a bit abandoned, even if it was necessary, but I am not mad at them... just lonely. Nostalgic.

decided to end the relationship

Often get depressed... lots of inner agony. Empty space, not sure how to fill my time, wonder if I could have done something differently, wonder why they didn't like me, wonder if anyone will ever like me again, etc.

hasnt forgiven you or is dissapointed in you?

Become very hurt AND/OR angry.

This one (the disapproval and/or not being deemed worthy of forgiveness) is the worst for me.

How long does the feeling last?

The last time I got dumped, it took me a few months to get out of the depressive funk... and then the situation dragged on a few years because they still wanted to be friends/pseudo-dates (so I would get depressed on and off... until finally I officially entered another relationship).

The sadness of losing someone? Those things linger but on less-intense level. More just a quiet sadness. Because it wasn't rejection, it was just part of life, and I can accept loss that happens due to the natural cycles of life. It's just the way it is, and there's no bad feelings, and no one is to blame. Thus, there is no personal hurt or anger directed at anyone. It's no one's fault.

Are you understanding, or do you take it to heart?

I am understanding about inevitable loss. If it involves a personal judgment, rejection, or abandonment of me, however (because I am "flawed" in some way), then I get really torn up about it... especially if the other person has not let me voice my feelings or I feel like they misunderstood me.

How do you heal?

Time.
Writing.
Time.
Other art forms.
Time.
Escapism.

Time.

 

[redacted]

How do you react when someone close to you has passed away

well, the first time it happened (my first gf), i was pretty much destroyed. my primary coping mechanism was withdrawal, since no one around me really had any idea what to do. my mom tried to talk to me about it all the time, but it just made it worse because i hated her anyway. anyhow, i luckily had 1 friend who understood what was up (she's my best friend now, an ENFP), and i hung out with her just to know i was understood even if i didn't say anything. yeah. it was like a 2 year healing process, if it's even done.

the second time, a really really good friend died of a heroin overdose, but i had built up my coping mechanisms so strongly from the first death i'd been through that my feelings were buried right away. i forced them out over time, but i don't know if i ever dealt with it fully. he was an amazing poet/musician/lyricist. just fucking genius (INFP 4w5 duh).

a few other people i've been less close to have died, and most of the feelings i have are directed at people that were closer to the death. like, i cried at my friend's brother's funeral because i was thinking about what his parents were going through.

sorry for the long-winded answer.

moved far from you (phsycally/mentally)

physically: shrug it off. i'll see em when i see em.

mentally: wonder why, talk it out with them, eventually get over it or change it.

decided to end the relationship

the end of my last relationship sucked for me (although i broke up with her). i still can't get past the idea that we'll end up married once she works on herself for a while. i had to break up with her because she couldn't provide what i needed (and she still definitely can't). but it's really hard for me to get over it when i truly believe we'll end up together again...even if it's 7 years down the line.

hasnt forgiven you or is dissapointed in you?

when people are disappointed in me, i make sure they understand i take responsibility. then i just try to be the best friend i can be. they'll get over it over time. i haven't done anything terrible enough for friendships to end.

well...i take that back. i fucked up one friendship badly. the dude is really nice, so he's still "cool" with me on the surface. but i don't think he'll ever forgive me. (i hooked up with his GF...yeah, i'm terrible)

 

[Athenian200]

What is your first reaction, how much do you tend to care and feel about it?

Well, I suppose I feel an odd sense of disbelief at first, perhaps followed by a sharp period of anger and/or crying... then a slower yet painful sensation of "energy drain," as if I can feel my memory and connection to them rotting away. This is followed by an odd numbness that makes everything seem without personal meaning... as if I've temporarily withdrawn my feelings from everything to avoid risking further pain.

How long does the feeling last?

A few months to a year, I guess... depending on how long I knew the person and how close I was to them.

Are you understanding, or do you take it to heart?

Oh, I always take it to heart. I'm being hurt by the situation, and I'm liable to take that personally. If a person caused that feeling for me, I would never forgive them.

How do you heal?

Going through my routine, getting distracted by daily life. Doing things like researching new topics and getting used to the idea that I've still got things to do even though they're gone, and that my life and theirs are and always were two separate paths... that I got by without them before I knew them, and will continue to do so now.

Some of this is guessing, of course. But this seemed reasonable based on how I tend to deal with pain related to the idea of loss in general.