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What makes you more content/happy?

Jae Rae

Free-Rangin' Librarian
Joined
Nov 19, 2007
Messages
979
MBTI Type
INFJ
I can relate to the casting back or past or forward part. When I was in my 20s, a friend said "J, you live in the Past Perfect." It also hurts to realize that certain situations were beautiful, I just didn't realize it at the time. I don't think that's living in the past perfect, it's expecting too much and appreciating too little.

I do better living in the present now, but I still anticipate certain events and feel disappointed when they don't live up to my expectations.

Simple appreciation of the moment is a goal of mine. Also telling those I care about that I value them. Like you, Pink.

Jae Rae
 

Sandy

New member
Joined
Oct 10, 2007
Messages
552
MBTI Type
INFP
I've thought this question over, and I feel I can't answer it properly because, since I never can seem to ground myself in the present (unless something HORRIBLE is happening and I can't ignore it), I rarely feel "happy" or contented. I'm always casting backward or forward. Anticipation became God long ago to compensate for the present being so bad and unlivable.

Now I'm very much internally puzzled. :-\

I'm not a type (eNFJ) to be very happy. I'm more rocked by storms than anything. Which is something I have to try and persuade myself isn't a personal failing.

How strange, PP; I have read some of your blog, so I know somewhat about your storms, however to me, on the rest of these forums, you come across like a very happy person...

(((hugs)))
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
11,429
MBTI Type
eNFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I can relate to the casting back or past or forward part. When I was in my 20s, a friend said "J, you live in the Past Perfect."

Wow. I love that. o_O Jae Rae to the sum-it-all-up rescue again! You know how I love things collected up tidily in one word or phrase.

It also hurts to realize that certain situations were beautiful, I just didn't realize it at the time. I don't think that's living in the past perfect, it's expecting too much and appreciating too little.

That's the trouble with me. I've been conditioned to expect the worst so when something truly beautiful happens, I don't allow myself to sit with it, preferring to move on quickly before everything numb on me starts to wake back up and hurt. I'm working on that very hard.


I do better living in the present now, but I still anticipate certain events and feel disappointed when they don't live up to my expectations.

Simple appreciation of the moment is a goal of mine. Also telling those I care about that I value them. Like you, Pink.

Jae Rae

It's been my honor to know you, Jae. Continue to share your thoughts with me. :hug:

How strange, PP; I have read some of your blog, so I know somewhat about your storms, however to me, on the rest of these forums, you come across like a very happy person...

(((hugs)))

Ah, my dear Sandy. :hug: I only wish I could say that I was truly a happy person. I frequently see myself as being like a comedian, finding high humor in blight, humor I like to share with others, but not being much to live with in general. I find other types' approaches to contentment to be something I wish I had and stare hard at in order to figure out how it works.

Or I play David Bowie *really loud* until I'm up again. :smile:
 

Jae Rae

Free-Rangin' Librarian
Joined
Nov 19, 2007
Messages
979
MBTI Type
INFJ
Opened up a book by chance and found this quote by Emerson:

"These roses under my window make no reference to former roses or to better ones; they are for what they are...there is no time for them. There is simply the rose; it is perfect for every moment of its existence."

Jae Rae
 

Benjamin

New member
Joined
Jan 24, 2008
Messages
7
MBTI Type
ISTP
Honestly, if you anticipate good things to come, you could end up disappointed. I like to look at life as it is. Most people have a past that they would like to forget. However, looking to the future could possibly make things worse in the present. I like living in the present. It makes me content.
 

FDG

pathwise dependent
Joined
Aug 13, 2007
Messages
5,903
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
7w8
I'd say I'm generally quite fine. I don't think about the past much, ever, never crosses my mind. It's not that it's bad, I just don't. Except when there's a past experience I want to repeat in the future. Future to come can excite me, but it's usually rather grounded future realities such as, climbing a mountain I have yet to climb, etc; always things that are within reach, even if they do take some effort.
 

cheap

New member
Joined
Mar 18, 2008
Messages
41
MBTI Type
F00D
Contentment for me is appreciating everything I have in the here and now and taking into consideration the past which has led up to this positive perception of now. (My parents have told be stories about how their childhood was corrupted by the vietnam war)... but I was born in the lucky country and am safe; influences like that. This mindset of savouring the moment has over time, become a foundation from which optimism has derived and accumulated from each calm, blissful moment, in anticipation that this contentment will stretch out into the future (as demonstrated whilst I currently list all the reasons I am happy). <-- That is always optimistically anticipated. :)

I remember in my earlier years of adolescence when I was depressed and pessimistic, how difficult it was to ever believe I would be happy again, but I've finally reached that point in life where I now sit into the groove of sustaining optimism to sustain optimism. With progression, it strengthens the basis of my current wellbeing's happiness. If I realise that I already have so much I could ever hope for, and the future is just an evolvement of that, I don't relapse into bottomless despair so easily anymore... That's where I was and as I gradually climbed up I "dented an arrow into the rock"; marked each step, so that if I ever slipped back down again, there would be more happy memories above me to reach for and hang onto as a reminder of why I worked my way up such a high ladder of happy arrows in the first place. From then I could re-climb the ladder I made from my previous arrows sticking out from the giant rock. Slightly weird metaphor but it works for me. :)

As for dread... Well that can be conquered by looking even further ahead. I look forward to unpleasant experiences being over! :) I also try not to seek out too many experiences of euphoria, contrary to one of my friends who is continually disappointed because she sort of searches for it, and re-living past experiences is depressing for me. That being said (sorry, I don't mean to derail this topic into a dark ditch) I'm pretty sure that I can't wait until the death of my loved ones to grieve. I'm at it now. It's just a way for me not to take my interactions for granted, so it will get easier to accept we are impermanent. I'm optimistic, but never in way that I'll expect the future to accommodate me. Anticipation just prepares itself for whatever that will be.
 

Journey

New member
Joined
Mar 14, 2008
Messages
261
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
6
For some reason when I think of this I can't see the "big" picture. I see myself content in the day-to-day schedule of events, looking forward to the sameness of tomorrow! Contentment for the time being, just being me in this new married life. Enjoying my new life with my husband, daily chores to make our lives comfortable, plenty of solitude, looking forward to him coming home at night, having friends and family over--just pure contentment. Waiting for the other shoe to drop, lol.

When my husband plans these wonderful vacations for us (He's ISFJ--but he's 56 so he uses N pretty well, also) he so enjoys planning every detail and just diving into it, changing our itinerary back and forth and getting it just perfect, discussing it with me (I listen enough to give my input, but am just as happy usually with him making the decisions, but I know he wants my opinions...) Sometimes I actually dread the vacations, but know I will love doing them and especially having the memories of them. My happiness lies in the doing and reflection on the doing of them not the anticipation of them.

There have been times in my life when anticipation made me happier, but right now is not one of them. I don't think it has anything to do with N-Sness.
 

Morpeko

Noble Wolf
Joined
Sep 20, 2017
Messages
5,414
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LEFV
Enneagram
461
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Anticipation tends to be more exciting, especially since I can idealize it and haven't experienced any disappointment. When I'm experiencing things, it's hard for me to focus clearly a lot of the time, although I love being in the moment whenever I can. Having recently experienced things sucks because all I can think about is how the good event is over and I will never experience it the same way again.
 

Mole

Permabanned
Joined
Mar 20, 2008
Messages
20,284
I am content and happy, and fully satisfied, only when I am enchanted and entranced.

Otherwise, I spend my time preparing for my enchantment and entrancement.

Preparation is important because when I am enchanted and entranced, I am vulnerable, so I need to be in a safe and beautiful environment..

An important part of my preparation is learning how to safely enchant and entrance myself. I started with, "Trance: From Magic to Technology", by Dennis R Wier, and "The Way of Trance", by Dennis R Wier, click The Way of Trance( Dennis Wier) - Free Download PDF.

And I followed this with an experiential course on how to enter and leave the zone safely at will, taught in our University Sports' Union.

I model myself on Mole in, "Wind in the Willows", a book that is both enchanting and entrancing, by Kenneth Grahame, click The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame: Ch. 1: The River Bank.
 

Siúil a Rúin

when the colors fade
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
14,037
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
496
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Having a beautiful spot in nature to take in its beauty is my foundational need. I love becoming friends with a little spot in nature like a lake, or a hill, and go there repeatedly throughout the year. I like to go there throughout the seasons to see the changes. It is like having a friend who stays the same, but also changes. It is my ideal for what love could be - constant, but ever changing colors.
 

Lark

Active member
Joined
Jun 21, 2009
Messages
29,569
I love these older threads, another version of this question is whether the golden age is in the past or in the future, that could be in the broadest sense or simply a reflection on your own life, better days ahead or best days behind you, which can reflect pessimism or optimism.
 

Saturnal Snowqueen

Solastalgia 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊
Joined
Jan 9, 2019
Messages
6,124
MBTI Type
FELV
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Instinctual Variant
so/sp
Anticipating things to come, as when I'm finally experiencing the things I'm anticipating, there's always some element of disappoint and regret of how I could have done something different, no matter how well things go. As for the past, it's certainly fun reliving my childhood fantasies, but it doesn't always provide the same buzz as anticipating what's coming.
 

Abcdenfp

Terpsichore
Joined
May 19, 2017
Messages
1,669
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7W8
Anticipation, right up until the moment and then i am absolutely present. Disappointed or not i still relish it because it felt like It gave me something to look towards, and that fuels me.
 

Pessimistic Hippie

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Joined
Jul 2, 2020
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ISFP
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469
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sx/so
The last time I can remember when I was truly some amount of happy, as lame as this might sound, was 2 Halloweens ago when I went with my ex to a haunted house (attraction.) And then after we went back to his and watched Norsemen on Netflix while cuddling with his puppies. In essence it doesn't sound hard to accomplish. But it was early on in the relationship where our energies were still mixing well, and we were bonding over what we liked.

Overall I think I'm pretty damn basic. I just like to be out doing inexpensive fun things -- nature parks, diners, small music venues -- with one other person whom I'm currently getting along very well with. I hate being bored and I hate being around people I don't vibe with much. That's about it.
------------

EDIT: I went back and read the OG post. I still like my answer so I'm keeping it, but I will say I hate anticipating things. Because I don't know for sure what I'm gonna like until it's actually happening, and all anticipating does for me is get my hopes up when it could be worse or even better than I'm predicting.
 

Mole

Permabanned
Joined
Mar 20, 2008
Messages
20,284
On a cool autumn day with the trees turning a liquid gold, taking a long, slow bath with my girlfriend, washing our hair, turn and turn about, taking our time so it is as much a massage as a wash. The warm water on a cool day is nice, the company is enjoyable, and taking our time is de rigeur. Angels, I am told, in heaven wash each others hair in the sunlight.

Followed by a picnic where the only rule is that we can only feed someone else, we can't feed ourselves. This removes all sense of greed, and we focus on the needs of others. It leads to intimacy and fun. And I am told the Angels in heaven have one rule on a picnic, and that is they can only feed the Angel next to them, and not themselves.
 
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