Forgiveness?

[Giggly]

How good are you at forgiving those who have wronged you? Do you feel that the ability to forgive is a valuable and necessary trait? Have you ever desired forgiveness and was denied it? If so, how did that make you feel?

 

[Lux]

How good are you at forgiving those who have wronged you?

So far in my life I have made peace with the people who have wronged me.

Do you feel that the ability to forgive is a valuable and necessary trait?

I feel that the ability is valuable to me. It is necessary to me. I think life is easier when you can forgive. I don't really tend to live in the past much.

Have you ever desired forgiveness and was denied it? If so, how did that make you feel?

Unfortunately yes. It continues to make me feel unhappy and uneasy. I hate knowing the people I care about are upset because of me. It is one of the worst feelings that I encounter.

 

[Giggly]

So far in my life I have made peace with the people who have wronged me.



I feel that the ability is valuable to me. It is necessary to me. I think life is easier when you can forgive. I don't really tend to live in the past much.



Unfortunately yes. It continues to make me feel unhappy and uneasy. I hate knowing the people I care about are upset because of me. It is one of the worst feelings that I encounter.

Thanks for sharing that, Lux. It was pointed out to me that when one is very forgiving it opens the door to others taking advantage of them and disrespecting them. Do you think that's something worth worrying about?

 

[Rainne]

How good are you at forgiving those who have wronged you?

Forgiving others is easy. Forgiving yourself...not so much.

Do you feel that the ability to forgive is a valuable and necessary trait?

Yes. Letting go and moving on is very important.

Have you ever desired forgiveness and was denied it? If so, how did that make you feel?

Yes, I sometimes deny myself forgiveness. It hurts.

 

[KDude]

I try to forgive, but I only have the simple rule that people try to work it out first and apologize. I mean, with major things at least. I'd like to think I let little things slide, whether or not they apologize.

I agree, it hurts like hell to not be forgiven if you, in fact, still care about that person and try.

 

[Lux]

Thanks for sharing that, Lux. It was pointed out to me that when one is very forgiving it opens the door to others taking advantage of them and disrespecting them. Do you think that's something worth worrying about?

I think it certainly can be. It is yet another good argument for using both the head and heart.

It maybe difficult to see or to honestly feel as if you are being disrespected at times, because if a person is naturally forgiving they tend to make excuses for others poor behavior. Or that is just me... Although, everyone has their limit.

 

[sLiPpY]

"May they dwell in their heart; may they be free from suffering; may they be healed; may they be at peace."

"May I dwell in my heart; may I be free from suffering; may I be healed; may I be at peace."

Acceptance of the human condition is a beautiful thing. Above is an expample of a Loving-Kindness Meditation.

It's not necessary for someone else to forgive me. Yes it's nice when that happens, but at the end of the day. It's all about intent. When it's not given, one can most surely give it...as a gift to themself. By accepting where one, or the other party is at.

Some situations in life require boundaries, and one can actually hurt another's progress by failing to set them. Especially in situations of physical and/or emotional abuse. But it doesn't mean that we should deny someone we've cared for the opportunity of loving kindness. Even if it's only in our thoughts and/or prayers.

 

[Halla74]

How good are you at forgiving those who have wronged you?

Very good at it.

Do you feel that the ability to forgive is a valuable and necessary trait?

Yes, if you ever want to ruly reach closure, drop your baggage, and move on.

Have you ever desired forgiveness and was denied it? If so, how did that make you feel?

Nope. Luckily, the wrongs I have committed have been reconcilable. Few things aren't if a sincere apology is made, a genuine to reach reconciliation undertaken, and if the wrongdoing is not committed again in the future.

 

[KDude]

i've been cut off for some of the smallest things, halla. not everyone seems to easily forgive. hell, i've been cut off for things i didn't even do! for hearsay. and without any consultation with me.

 

[The_Liquid_Laser]

I usually tend to forgive quickly, and let things go. Holding a grudge seems like a waste of time and energy.

 

[durentu]

This helped me

[YOUTUBE="nN_G3nU778s"]Forgiveness[/YOUTUBE]

 

[kyuuei]

Im in the business of forgiving people.. but it's not necessarily the same as forgetting the deed done in the first place. Memories are hard to erase sans a baseball bat.

Forgiveness is necessary. Everyone falls short. Religions base their entire foundations on it (even if you aren't religious, there's the acknowledgement that mankind centered this creation on things like forgiveness) and pushing everyone away when they wrong you leaves you with no one. It's just not very efficient.

I have been denied forgiveness before. It's god awful...

 

[Moiety]

How good are you at forgiving those who have wronged you? Do you feel that the ability to forgive is a valuable and necessary trait? Have you ever desired forgiveness and was denied it? If so, how did that make you feel?

I have never desired forgiveness for anything in my life. I think forgiveness is a valuable and necessary trait, yes. I think I'm good at forgiving although I never seem to have to forgive people for anything because I never hold grudges or resentment usually.

 

[Phantonym]

How good are you at forgiving those who have wronged you? Do you feel that the ability to forgive is a valuable and necessary trait? Have you ever desired forgiveness and was denied it? If so, how did that make you feel?

I can forgive but it's the forgetting part that gives me trouble. Sometimes it's easy, other times I have serious trouble letting go, it's something that stays at the back of the mind. A subconscious hitch of some kind.

I think the ability is both valuable and necessary. To have peace of mind yourself and to provide it to others.

I've never been denied forgiveness, when I have desired it that is. When I didn't desire it...I guess I didn't care about it at the time. I've experienced a falling out with a friend, both of us acted wrongly, no explicit forgiveness was ever expressed, the friendship ended. And I at least haven't forgotten it, I don't know about the other party. It enters my mind once in a while but not strongly enough to do something about it.

 

[Halla74]

Im in the business of forgiving people.. but it's not necessarily the same as forgetting the deed done in the first place. Memories are hard to erase sans a baseball bat.

Forgiveness does not mean foregoing the administration of justice...

 

[Iriohm]

How good are you at forgiving those who have wronged you?

Pretty good, for the most part.

Do you feel that the ability to forgive is a valuable and necessary trait?

Yes. I like to think of it as a "My Space vs. Your Space" sort of thing, with incursions onto someone else's space representing abuse of some kind. By that definition, forgiveness is essentially absorbing other people's trash into your lawn. If you don't take care of it, someone else will have to.

Have you ever desired forgiveness and was denied it?

...no. I don't think so. Either that, or I can't remember, which is more likely.

If so, how did that make you feel?

Were you enrolled in an Online School, or something? These questions remind me of the discussions done there. Also, this question doesn't apply to me.

 

[FDG]

Usually I don't even notice that somebody has done something "wrong" to me. When I do notice, though, I kind of don't forgive...it's not like I will obsessively think about killing the person, rather I just avoid meeting him-her.

 

[Kasper]

Forgive? Meh, like FDG I often don't notice, and if I do I forget. Nah, really, I have a bad memory with stuff like that most of the time, unless what's been done is something that causes me to be wary and have my guard up around someone chances are if I don't say anything it's cause I'm over it and forgotten already.

 

[Lux]

i've been cut off for some of the smallest things, halla. not everyone seems to easily forgive. hell, i've been cut off for things i didn't even do! for hearsay. and without any consultation with me.

I agree with this.

The example I was thinking about in my post about not being forgiven (which I realize will sound silly, but it's not to me) was in high school my best friend and I had a falling out that was just a serious misunderstanding, and it ended the friendship. I tried to rectify it, but to no avail. So it can happen, and yes I do still wonder and feel bad about it. Some people just have no interest in trying to fix things. Which means one is probably better off without them, but it can still hurt.

 

[Lark]

I read philosophy and psychology books on this topic now and again, I'm interested in how it works for some people, I agree that dealing with wrongs done to you are important and one way to do that is to forgive but there are some things I think you dont need to forgive or which are unforgiveable, that's different from doing anything about it. You might not be able to or you might not want to. Although over your own thoughts, feelings and generally your self you are sovereign and refusing to forgive can be some consolation when you've experienced something seriously evil.

I forgive and forget quickly a lot of the time because I can see that the people responsible for the slight or malice are flawed individuals, unlikely to change, I come into contact with a lot of them through work, either the adolescents I work with, their families or sometimes other professionals.

Other times I wont forgive unless there appears to be a change possible, I dont become dependent on the other person changing because I'm not that other directed and dont believe that people change that much, not even with the insight, should it some how magically materialise in them (because they are generally resistant to it coming from someone else). I just decide, well, if you're going to carry on like that, if that's "you" then I'm not going to deal with it and you wont have the benefit of interacting wth me. Some of them wouldnt say its a big loss but that's fine.

I think of it in terms of the ignore function on here, I'll ignore someone because they finally cross a line, now and again I think about whether or not to take them off ignore but then I see them quoted by other people behaving the exact same way towards them. Why forgive that? No lessons being learned there