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Self-help = Less Thinking

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Ginkgo

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To help yourself, you must become what you want to be. It is that simple. To accomplish this, you establish a goal and create a plan for yourself. Analyzing yourself usually does no good, for dismantling a car will not teach you how to drive it. Occasionally the gears grind or a tire blows, but those deficiencies only become evident once you start driving. You measure the world before you measure yourself in relation to it, and the only way to measure the world is by exploring it.
 

Lady_X

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i agree...taking action gives you peace of mind that you are doing everything you can to get there...introspect and learn from it along the way...but don't over think or analyze your way out of actually doing.
 

Lark

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I tend to think that what our culture fosters is not introspection but narcissism and the self-help genre in its own way feeds this, I only really understood this following a read of Alex Lowen's Narcissism: Denial of the true self, I wouldnt have thought of someone attemting to improve themselves or better their social context in quite that way before hand.

I reckon that he only really introspective culture is in the East, like Japan and China, there has been an immense amount of history and cultural determinism at work to make it so. Jung wrote some interesting stuff on this point about westerners who read eastern, I think in particular Indian, spiritual literature and then sought to emulate it, suggesting that it was simply ruinous for someone from the west to do so because the context was so different.

Sometimes self-help should me less thinking, Fromm considering Zen considered its mind-body insights to be a good counter to the over thinking (cerebration) that he felt characterised the insight therapies of the west.
 

Laurie

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Self help = realizing that you are ok the way you are and being yourself. Often people are unhappy because they are trying to change into something else which doesn't ever work.
 

Snow Turtle

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C'mon, self improvement is a confidence trick carried out for profit by the most powerful culture on earth.

This is a culture that exports its popular culture to the world for profit.

But the very saddest thing is that the denizens of this culture believe their own propaganda.

Where does Carl Rogers play a factor in this?

From my perspective, there is little difference between the notion of self-improvement and the desire for self-actualization.
 

Feops

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Self help = realizing that you are ok the way you are and being yourself. Often people are unhappy because they are trying to change into something else which doesn't ever work.

I can't agree with this.

I mean, say you have a woman who's an alcoholic. Perhaps she's discovered that she's pregnant and thinking about quitting. But maybe she should just be content with being an alcoholic, because that's what she is?

Change is difficult. Humans are creatures of habit. Those habits are formed by things which work for us. They define our personality. So to run against that is to run against ourselves. But growth requires change so we must re-learn our habits and become something else, so then we are that person and no longer pretending.

Self-help is not meant to be a magic wand to become someone else, it's meant to serve as guideposts for those who take up the journey in earnest. The drive to enact change still needs to come from the individual.
 

Laurie

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I think alcoholism would be considered an actual problem. I'm pretty sure it's obvious I wasn't saying that pregnant alcoholics should drink during a pregnancy.

I'm sorry I don't go for the "guideposts" "journey" "earnest" "drive to enact change" stuff. I think the more people who are actually themselves the better.

Accept yourself for who you are, accept others for who they are.
 

Feops

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I didn't mean to say that you were advocating drinking while pregnant. I'm unclear on where you draw the line between it being a problem, or an aspect of one's personality that one should accept and not seek to change.

I intentionally picked alcoholism because it's a very defining and immediate concern. It's a change in lifestyle. The mother needs to pick right then and there how to deal with it or risk harming her child. How about smoking? Delayed but very nasty long-term implications. Overweight? Same thing, if less of an impact financially. Long-term career? Social anxiety? Stuttering? Biting your nails?
 

ThatsWhatHeSaid

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THINKING AT THE ROOT OF UNHAPPINESS: A Manifesto

Sorry I haven't kept up with this thread. I suck. I did, however, have some opportunities to clarify my worldview. Here's my manifesto.

THINKING AT THE ROOT OF UNHAPPINESS

It's not so much thinking, but the way thinking possesses us--the way it puts us in a trance. Thinking obstructs happiness and intuition. Not the intuition that Jung talked about, but the intuition that arises when you mentally STFU and are 100% honest with yourself about your situations, how you've been feeling, and more importantly, what you need to be doing in your life to get yourself back on track towards meaning and peace of mind. We you are this mentally still and quiet, you actually are happy, in a mild form or deep form. Intuition is just thought that resonates with that happiness. All thoughts, if you think about it, resonate with one's internal state. If you're feeling beauty, you see beauty everywhere. If you feel anger, you see what's lacking and frustrating about everything. Likewise, when you feel peace, you understand what's compatible with that peace. That's intuition.

Intuition is a type of thinking, sure, but very different from habitual, obsessive thought. Habitual thought leads you into possibilities. Habitual thought concerns gains, and it always thinks you have more to gain somewhere else. Even if you don't actually take action, your thoughts will harass you and make you feel uneasy and confused. Intuitive thought it the opposite. It's goal isn't gain but peace, and it doesn't tease you with endless possibilities. It knows what goals you really need for peace, not advancement.

There are 2 types of psychological disorders: disorders that arise from situation and disorders that arise from habitual thought and the compulsive, insatiable need for progress and gain. Personality disorder typically arise from habitual thought, i.e., from the need for gain and self-preservation though the particular gain might not be so apparent. Anxiety-based disorders concern ego maintenance and gain through the reduction and avoidance (or control) of fears. These fears threaten one's positive sense of self. I would classify most Axis II disorders (and other disorders that don't fall into the DSM's narrow, arbitrary scheme) as anxiety-based. Those thoughts concern thoughts of the future that protect the self. Other habitual thoughts that are fed to consciousness concern the past and are also intended to protect the sense of self by rehearsing threats to the person, the self, and threats to progress. It's habitual thought that creates the distress by replaying past and future scenarios and making the person lose touch with their inner joy and peace.

Other times situations cause distress and disrupt a person's path to meaning, peace and self-actualization. A bad job, a fractious family members, a bad living situation. Even here, thinking is the problem because it leads to confusion. Not thinking opens up intuitive channels and guides a person towards the "right" decision, "right" being defined as what ushers in peace and harmony.
 

Salomé

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^Did you just use a shitload of words to say "Ignorance is bliss"? :p

I did read some reports lately about an evolutionary reason for depression, in that it is designed to make you introspect and analyze yourself, and detach you from an environment or behavior that is causing a problem. Basically, people that didn't pump the brakes didn't get out of destructive situations. So I don't think that introspection is necessarily the evil-doer in this instance

The 'analytic-ruminative' model of depression. I don't think it manages to make a case for depression, but it does make one for introspection, as you say.

Depression takes hold when rumination becomes obsessive and 'loopy' and starts to spiral out of control. This is clearly unproductive and unhealthy, but that doesn't mean that all introspection is. CBT is a way of reeducating those negative thinking habits and channeling them in a more positive direction.
 

wolfy

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I think real self help is not about changing yourself. It is about looking at who you really are and how you can get what you want from what you are. That, of course, is an almost impossible thing to get across in a book. The best self help books I have read were just heuristics and questions, general action steps, mental models you could use as tools.

It isn't like a straitjacket you need to fit yourself into. It is just a set of tools to pick and choose from. And you can use tools to suit your needs.

This is a good list, I like it...

Free form list:

Exercise. Seriously.

Really. Really. Really. Exercise works.

Play.

Go out and do things. Accomplish things. Little things. Then big things.

-------

1. Identify what skills that you will need to get to a point you want to get to.
2. Figure out how to develop said skills. To do this step may require you develop this skill of project planning. May I recommend GTD^? Worked alright for me.
3. Follow the plan. Adapt as needed.
4. Aquire skill.
5. Use skill for whatever purpose.

Take pride in the skills you aquire. See how knowledge enriches your world. See how when you have capacities and abilities it opens up ways of fixing problems and improving situations.

Have self esteem stemming from the abilities you have and the work you have put in. Learn from mistakes.

Then, after a while, you'll be dead.

Cheers.
 

wolfy

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...
It's not so much thinking, but the way thinking possesses us--the way it puts us in a trance. Thinking obstructs happiness and intuition. Not the intuition that Jung talked about, but the intuition that arises when you mentally STFU and are 100% honest with yourself about your situations, how you've been feeling, and more importantly, what you need to be doing in your life to get yourself back on track towards meaning and peace of mind.
...

Isn't this drawing back from reality? I think I moved past this by realising that life is hard and nothing will ever make it easy. Holding on to the feedback from the world around me. Get it? Feedback from the world to me and back again in a loop. Not in on myself. Make sense? Is that what you mean?

It is true though that I am more happy, less introspective and more effective since I stopped reading. A lot of it stays with me now, the things I learned. So, I wouldn't say it is bad but there comes a point where it is right to stop. And just do stuff.
 

milkyway2

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That's the advice my boyfriend gives me that helps A LOT in A LOT of situations.

STOP THINKING AND JUST DO IT.

And most of the time.. doing that.. makes me a lot happier than overanalyzing everything.
 

sLiPpY

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Lately, I've been thinking about how endlessly picking at one's issues and self-concept, trying to "repair" one's self, is actually the source of unhappiness, rather than a solution to it. I've been doing this for years myself, and as I get older and watch more, I see people stuck in the same loops, picking, analyzing, and dissecting themselves in the hopes of overcoming what they perceive as a defect--a gap--in their experience.

Our culture, at least Western culture, glorifies and encourages this kind of relentless introspection through the media (people like Oprah and Dr. Phil, telling us we have to overcome our issues) and through memes that float around in casual dialogue ("I'm working on myself," "I'm working on my issues"). The self-help section, I believe, is the largest growing section in our bookstores. These promote more introspection and dissection.

I recently went to the bookstore and bought the dumbest self-help book I could find, knowing that anything complex would just get me thinking more. I know, deep down, that I probably just need a break from all this shit where I can just be me, happy, not worried, eating frozen yogurt, and watching Family Guy.

Thoughts? Does thinking ultimately promote or inhibit self-improvement? When does it promote? When does it inhibit? What role does self-acceptance and surrender play? GO GO GO!

Thoughts? hmm...those are the things that I observe during meditation, and simply label "thinking."

Does thinking ultimately promote or inhibit self-improvement? I find doing for the sake of doing, superior to thinking.

When does it inhibit? Simply observing negative self-talk, seems to quiet that type of thinking.

What role does self-acceptance and surrender play? I highly recommend Pema Chodron's material on the concepts of hopelessness, and accepting where one is at. "Getting Unstuck" and "When Everything Falls Apart"

Self-mastery is a life long endeavor, and progress is a result of regular practice. We are not our thoughts, and when we teach ourselves to observe habitual patterns and recognize them for what they are...

Neither our thoughts, emotions, nor habits can wreck havoc in one's life. It doesn't mean that we no longer think, or feel... It's that one gains mastery of the experience and is free to live in the present moment more fully.

That is all.
 

Lark

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Self help = realizing that you are ok the way you are and being yourself. Often people are unhappy because they are trying to change into something else which doesn't ever work.

Changing what you can, accepting what you cant and telling the difference. Its the serenity prayer/poem and its also the theme of a good book by Martin Seligman too.
 

Shimmy

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Lately, I've been thinking about how... ...and surrender play? GO GO GO!

I think there's a difference between feeling sorry for yourself and consciously making an effort to change yourself for the better.

Self-help < Self-improvement
 

Saslou

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I personally think that with self help books, although we essentially buy them to improve ourselves, they can become a source of addiction in themselves.

What is enough? When is it time to stop?

I found that i was continuously looking for something else to pick me up, like i needed to increase my knowledge to find happiness, it had to be within my grasp.

Ultimately i realised that although i am grateful i questioned my thinking to a more positive state of mind, what we need inside, we ultimately know anyway. We just need a different way of tapping into that.

As someone else pointed out, i also got to the point where i started over- analysing and asked more questions than i found answers.

The mentality of stop thinking, start doing made a lot of sense in my situation.
 

mr.awesome

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my dad is a very quiet fellow, one of those cold and rugged Scandinavian old men to put it in the stereotypical sense.. he said this the other day..

"the more you think, the more you think about how messed up everyone is."

he said it with a dead serious expression and just kept driving and said nothing else. it was pretty epic. he really is true. your own thoughts can and will become your worst enemies if you let them get to you.
 
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