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  1. #31


    I think real self help is not about changing yourself. It is about looking at who you really are and how you can get what you want from what you are. That, of course, is an almost impossible thing to get across in a book. The best self help books I have read were just heuristics and questions, general action steps, mental models you could use as tools.

    It isn't like a straitjacket you need to fit yourself into. It is just a set of tools to pick and choose from. And you can use tools to suit your needs.

    This is a good list, I like it...

    Quote Originally Posted by Bamboo View Post
    Free form list:

    Exercise. Seriously.

    Really. Really. Really. Exercise works.


    Go out and do things. Accomplish things. Little things. Then big things.


    1. Identify what skills that you will need to get to a point you want to get to.
    2. Figure out how to develop said skills. To do this step may require you develop this skill of project planning. May I recommend GTD^? Worked alright for me.
    3. Follow the plan. Adapt as needed.
    4. Aquire skill.
    5. Use skill for whatever purpose.

    Take pride in the skills you aquire. See how knowledge enriches your world. See how when you have capacities and abilities it opens up ways of fixing problems and improving situations.

    Have self esteem stemming from the abilities you have and the work you have put in. Learn from mistakes.

    Then, after a while, you'll be dead.


  2. #32


    Quote Originally Posted by xNTP View Post
    It's not so much thinking, but the way thinking possesses us--the way it puts us in a trance. Thinking obstructs happiness and intuition. Not the intuition that Jung talked about, but the intuition that arises when you mentally STFU and are 100% honest with yourself about your situations, how you've been feeling, and more importantly, what you need to be doing in your life to get yourself back on track towards meaning and peace of mind.
    Isn't this drawing back from reality? I think I moved past this by realising that life is hard and nothing will ever make it easy. Holding on to the feedback from the world around me. Get it? Feedback from the world to me and back again in a loop. Not in on myself. Make sense? Is that what you mean?

    It is true though that I am more happy, less introspective and more effective since I stopped reading. A lot of it stays with me now, the things I learned. So, I wouldn't say it is bad but there comes a point where it is right to stop. And just do stuff.

  3. #33
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    May 2007


    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    ^Did you just use a shitload of words to say "Ignorance is bliss"? :P
    It may seem that way, but only to those who are blissful.

  4. #34
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Sep 2008
    5w4 sx/sp


    Quote Originally Posted by xNTP View Post
    It may seem that way, but only to those who are blissful.
    LOL. I can't help it. Your posts induce a Nirvanic state of bliss in me.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  5. #35
    Senior Member milkyway2's Avatar
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    Dec 2009


    That's the advice my boyfriend gives me that helps A LOT in A LOT of situations.


    And most of the time.. doing that.. makes me a lot happier than overanalyzing everything.

  6. #36
    Senior Member
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    Oct 2009
    9w8 sp/sx


    Quote Originally Posted by xNTP View Post
    Lately, I've been thinking about how endlessly picking at one's issues and self-concept, trying to "repair" one's self, is actually the source of unhappiness, rather than a solution to it. I've been doing this for years myself, and as I get older and watch more, I see people stuck in the same loops, picking, analyzing, and dissecting themselves in the hopes of overcoming what they perceive as a defect--a gap--in their experience.

    Our culture, at least Western culture, glorifies and encourages this kind of relentless introspection through the media (people like Oprah and Dr. Phil, telling us we have to overcome our issues) and through memes that float around in casual dialogue ("I'm working on myself," "I'm working on my issues"). The self-help section, I believe, is the largest growing section in our bookstores. These promote more introspection and dissection.

    I recently went to the bookstore and bought the dumbest self-help book I could find, knowing that anything complex would just get me thinking more. I know, deep down, that I probably just need a break from all this shit where I can just be me, happy, not worried, eating frozen yogurt, and watching Family Guy.

    Thoughts? Does thinking ultimately promote or inhibit self-improvement? When does it promote? When does it inhibit? What role does self-acceptance and surrender play? GO GO GO!
    Thoughts? hmm...those are the things that I observe during meditation, and simply label "thinking."

    Does thinking ultimately promote or inhibit self-improvement? I find doing for the sake of doing, superior to thinking.

    When does it inhibit? Simply observing negative self-talk, seems to quiet that type of thinking.

    What role does self-acceptance and surrender play? I highly recommend Pema Chodron's material on the concepts of hopelessness, and accepting where one is at. "Getting Unstuck" and "When Everything Falls Apart"

    Self-mastery is a life long endeavor, and progress is a result of regular practice. We are not our thoughts, and when we teach ourselves to observe habitual patterns and recognize them for what they are...

    Neither our thoughts, emotions, nor habits can wreck havoc in one's life. It doesn't mean that we no longer think, or feel... It's that one gains mastery of the experience and is free to live in the present moment more fully.

    That is all.

  7. #37
    Senior Member
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    Jun 2009


    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    Self help = realizing that you are ok the way you are and being yourself. Often people are unhappy because they are trying to change into something else which doesn't ever work.
    Changing what you can, accepting what you cant and telling the difference. Its the serenity prayer/poem and its also the theme of a good book by Martin Seligman too.
    All for ourselves, and nothing for other people, seems, in every age of the world, to have been the vile maxim of the masters of mankind.
    Chapter IV, p. 448. - Adam Smith, Book 3, The Wealth of Nations

    whether or not you credit psychoanalysis itself, the fact remains that we all must, to the greatest extent possible, understand one another's minds as our own; the very survival of humanity has always depended on it. - Open Culture

  8. #38
    Senior Member Shimmy's Avatar
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    Jun 2009


    Quote Originally Posted by xNTP View Post
    Lately, I've been thinking about how... ...and surrender play? GO GO GO!
    I think there's a difference between feeling sorry for yourself and consciously making an effort to change yourself for the better.

    Self-help < Self-improvement

  9. #39
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Feb 2009


    I personally think that with self help books, although we essentially buy them to improve ourselves, they can become a source of addiction in themselves.

    What is enough? When is it time to stop?

    I found that i was continuously looking for something else to pick me up, like i needed to increase my knowledge to find happiness, it had to be within my grasp.

    Ultimately i realised that although i am grateful i questioned my thinking to a more positive state of mind, what we need inside, we ultimately know anyway. We just need a different way of tapping into that.

    As someone else pointed out, i also got to the point where i started over- analysing and asked more questions than i found answers.

    The mentality of stop thinking, start doing made a lot of sense in my situation.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  10. #40
    Senior Member mr.awesome's Avatar
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    Jan 2010


    my dad is a very quiet fellow, one of those cold and rugged Scandinavian old men to put it in the stereotypical sense.. he said this the other day..

    "the more you think, the more you think about how messed up everyone is."

    he said it with a dead serious expression and just kept driving and said nothing else. it was pretty epic. he really is true. your own thoughts can and will become your worst enemies if you let them get to you.
    my etsy Morphochroma

    I know you think I'm crazy,
    but most people they can't tell.

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