• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

Teenage Sex

What is your opinion on it?

  • Good thing

    Votes: 13 15.9%
  • Bad thing

    Votes: 21 25.6%
  • Unsure

    Votes: 2 2.4%
  • Neither good nor bad

    Votes: 46 56.1%

  • Total voters
    82

Lethal Sage

Member
Joined
Jan 21, 2009
Messages
115
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
I think in theory it would be okay for young adults 15-16 to start having sex, but education is key from both the parents and the school. That's advising, not telling. Telling teenagers what to do often either turns to rebellion or strict adherence.

So in theory, yes it's okay. In actuality, usually not. However, masturbation is a good thing and I would suggest doing that first regardless. I voted it's neither good nor bad.
 

human101

Member
Joined
Nov 2, 2009
Messages
510
MBTI Type
NiTe
Enneagram
1w9
Instinctual Variant
sx
Where I live you are supposed to lose your virginity before you're 17, otherwhise you're a freak. Even adults seem to think that way. Guess why people think I'm mentally disturbed. :D

This
 

BlueFlame

New member
Joined
Feb 8, 2010
Messages
181
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
3w2
Do you think that negative affects, like regretting it, are kind of like a self fulfilling prophecy, put into place by society?

Kind of like: you are going to regret this.

Teen: I am going to regret this. Why? Because society tells me I will.

Yes, I do think that the negative effects are society-fulfilling prophesies that are intensified when they happen to teenagers. Regret doesn't really happen unless you feel you should have done something differently. And shoulds are judgments that we accept from the outside world.

Heartbreak, STDs, pregnancy, loss of self-esteem...none of those are exclusive to teens. Heartbreak is a part of life. STDs are terrible, no matter what age you are. Pregnancy is a natural consequence of sex and traumatic at any age if you aren't ready to be a parent. Loss of self-esteem is possible at any point, depending on what you believe you should be doing instead of what you are doing or have done.

I lost my virginity at 17. I also got pregnant with my son at 17. I can't really say I regret having sex, because it was really just a natural life progression. Having a baby in and of itself wasn't even a horrible thing. What made it hard was
1) The social stigma
2)The fact that a 17 year old is not really able to successfully support themselves at that age in today's world.
3)The knowledge that it could have been prevented if I was given a shot at a sexual education instead of having abstinence shoved down my throat.

So, anyway, my point is that, yes, the consequences of teenage sex can be steep, and trying to protect teenagers from those consequences is a great thing, but simply saying NO SEX because of societal reasons is contrary to nature, and we should expect to fail. Sexual education is a must, and I don't mean one textbookly boring class in high school, either.

/incoherent rant
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
Staff member
Joined
May 31, 2009
Messages
14,497
MBTI Type
INFJ
I certainly agree that it is not enough to just say it's a bad idea. Whatever you do should be the product of information, discussion, observation and conviction. Having said that, abstinence programs or advice don't negate the ability of a person to do some research themselves and make their own decision. I grew up in evangelical Christian circles, but surprisingly never heard anything at all at church. Teen-aid (an abstinence based program) came into our school, but I don't think I would have made a decision one way or the other on the strength of that. Two afternoons of teaching aren't enough to really impact people where they're at. I think something has to truly become your own conviction before it is of lasting use in decision making.
 

BlueFlame

New member
Joined
Feb 8, 2010
Messages
181
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
3w2
I certainly agree that it is not enough to just say it's a bad idea. Whatever you do should be the product of information, discussion, observation and conviction. Having said that, abstinence programs or advice don't negate the ability of a person to do some research themselves and make their own decision. I grew up in evangelical Christian circles, but surprisingly never heard anything at all at church. Teen-aid (an abstinence based program) came into our school, but I don't think I would have made a decision one way or the other on the strength of that. Two afternoons of teaching aren't enough to really impact people where they're at. I think something has to truly become your own conviction before it is of lasting use in decision making.

But how easily something becomes your own conviction is entirely dependent on the person and how much faith they have in the institution. There are countless teenagers out there who have decided to stay abstinent because of rallies, or their parents' teachings, and those are not necessarily educated judgments.
I am in no way saying abstinence programs are wrong or harmful in and of themselves. But without education in case of a moment of passion or a complete dismissal of that belief system, we're leaving those kids out in the water without a life raft out of fear that even talking about safe sex will push them over to the dark side. There are also plenty of teens who made the decision to abstain because they weighed the pros and cons and decided it was for them, and plenty who decided to have sex and did it as safely as possible because of their own self-education. But I care more about my children (and children in general) than to assume that they're going to go out and get that information themselves. Hopefully I'm doing my job the way I'd like to be and they will be independent thinkers and explore the possibilities and educate themselves, but who knows? My bent that way didn't do me much good in my younger, passion-filled ways :huh:

Anyway, I don't think we disagree on anything :)
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
Staff member
Joined
May 31, 2009
Messages
14,497
MBTI Type
INFJ
No no matter what time people choose to have sex, they still should be well-educated about birth control options just to be an informed person. I agree with you that faith in an institution sometimes prevents people from figuring out what they really think or from facing practical issues that are sure to arise (pardon the pun).

I've come to believe that no matter our what our personal convictions are, you could put anyone of any age into the right circumstances and their physical and emotional self will override it. We've been designed that way on purpose! Therefore I think it is important to teach people what kind of circumstances they need to avoid and how or else teach them how to have sex responsibly. Pretending that an intellectual understanding is enough is where a lot of those systems break down and with serious repercussions for everyone involved.
 

Bubbles

See Right Through Me
Joined
Mar 13, 2009
Messages
1,037
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w3
But how easily something becomes your own conviction is entirely dependent on the person and how much faith they have in the institution. There are countless teenagers out there who have decided to stay abstinent because of rallies, or their parents' teachings, and those are not necessarily educated judgments.
I am in no way saying abstinence programs are wrong or harmful in and of themselves. But without education in case of a moment of passion or a complete dismissal of that belief system, we're leaving those kids out in the water without a life raft out of fear that even talking about safe sex will push them over to the dark side. There are also plenty of teens who made the decision to abstain because they weighed the pros and cons and decided it was for them, and plenty who decided to have sex and did it as safely as possible because of their own self-education.

I completely agree. At this moment in my life (and I don't know how I will feel later down the road), I'm comfortable abstaining. I'm not at a point where I feel the need to have sex, or where I feel greatly pressured by my beliefs about the act. However, I have nothing against sex ed, and have learned quite a bit about how to have sex as protected as possible (for which I blame my roommate and the internet, haha). If you're going to have sex, you should be educated about it. So many problems are the result of lack of knowledge, and that's not fair. Even if you're not having sex, you should be aware of how you can do it safely. How else can you make a fair decision about your sex life?

My roommate gave me a box of condoms to bring with me to visit my boyfriend this weekend. I'm not planning to have sex, yet the fact that she gave me them to me didn't offend me at all. In fact, I think it's sweet. She wants me to be safe, just in case those beliefs do waver. :)
 

Betty Blue

Let me count the ways
Joined
Jan 19, 2010
Messages
5,063
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7W6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I find it contradictory that here (uk) you can legally have a child at the age of 16 Whereby you have the sole responsibility of a life, yet you can not legally gamble, drink alcohol or go to a club.
I'm not sure of the answer, hence voting "not sure", as i believe it is to do with personal maturity. The body and mind have a funny way of showing us this, it certainly comes post puberty.
As already mentioned many times good awareness and education are very important when making the decision about ones virginity.
I also believe in respecting your own body and not being peer pressured into the fine art of love making.
 

AOA

♣️♦️♠️♥️
Joined
Jan 8, 2009
Messages
4,821
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8
Instinctual Variant
sx
Teenage sex seems quite retarded, because a person, generally becomes aware of his, or her, sexual self at ages from 20 - psychosocially.
 

Dark Razor

New member
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
271
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8w7
As far as I can tell, humans enter reproductive age at aproximately age 13-14. So I would think that it is normal for sexual attraction to start around this time. I do think that people should collect experiences at that age.

Instead of focusing on suppressing people's (teenager's) natural desire for sex because of prudery / shame we should instead focus on providing information on safe / responsible sexual behaviours.

Suppressing such information out of fear that it will encourage teens to have sex is exactly the wrong approach. It will do nothing to suppress their sexual drive but will isntead cause them to engage in unsafe sexual behaviour out of ignorance.

I am European btw.
 

Betty Blue

Let me count the ways
Joined
Jan 19, 2010
Messages
5,063
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7W6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
How can you "illegally" have a child, I wonder?

You are nit picking, i'm sure you know precisely what i meant. The legal age of consent is 16 therefor under law you are legally considered old enough to have a child at the age of 16. Maybe i didn't express it clearly enough for your liking but you understood, you just want to argue.
Anything else a problem for You?
 

Betty Blue

Let me count the ways
Joined
Jan 19, 2010
Messages
5,063
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7W6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
As far as I can tell, humans enter reproductive age at aproximately age 13-14. So I would think that it is normal for sexual attraction to start around this time. I do think that people should collect experiences at that age.

Instead of focusing on suppressing people's (teenager's) natural desire for sex because of prudery / shame we should instead focus on providing information on safe / responsible sexual behaviours.

Suppressing such information out of fear that it will encourage teens to have sex is exactly the wrong approach. It will do nothing to suppress their sexual drive but will isntead cause them to engage in unsafe sexual behaviour out of ignorance.

I am European btw.

This reminds me of when i was seventeen and had a Dutch boyfriend. I used to visit him a lot in Amsterdam. The age of consent in Holland was, at that time 14. I met scores of dutch teenagers out there and rarely did i met anyone who wasn't completely comfortable about their sexuality. Even though the age of consent was low and they were very open about sex i found that most teens i met were not in a rush to loose their virginity.
Consequently many waited until their late teens.

Odly, Spain has the lowest age of consent in Europe.
 

Randomnity

insert random title here
Joined
May 8, 2007
Messages
9,485
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
As far as I can tell, humans enter reproductive age at aproximately age 13-14. So I would think that it is normal for sexual attraction to start around this time. I do think that people should collect experiences at that age.

Instead of focusing on suppressing people's (teenager's) natural desire for sex because of prudery / shame we should instead focus on providing information on safe / responsible sexual behaviours.

Suppressing such information out of fear that it will encourage teens to have sex is exactly the wrong approach. It will do nothing to suppress their sexual drive but will isntead cause them to engage in unsafe sexual behaviour out of ignorance.

I am European btw.
I think the vast majority of people, at least posting here, agree with this.

I think the thread is more about safe sex vs. no sex, and not at all about the viability of abstinence-only "education". I'm not sure it's a good idea to have sex at the early ages where you begin to be sexually attracted any more than it's a good idea to have a child as soon as you get your first period at maybe age 12. It may be biologically possible/encouraged but that doesn't mean it's necessarily wise.
 

Antimony

You're fired. Lol.
Joined
Jun 11, 2009
Messages
3,428
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
8w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
*sighs dramatically*

I really wish I could reply to many of these posts, but that would take way too much time and screen space.

So I am noticing this general trend (don't slap me for stating the obvious)

1) Some people think it is really selfish (It can be, in a way. Under some circumstances)
2) Some people think it is tied to emotion (I, myself, do not. Who want to have sex and expect something major from that act? To me, that is dumb, and that is where many, many girls get hurt. If something comes with it, great. It doesn't come from it. It is a physical thing to me, and I have been thrown into a loop from being told 'you are going to regret this' but I could find no reason as to why this would be so /rant)
3) Some think it is just an act (well...it is and isn't. See above.)

Oh, and I can definitely say one does not become 'sexual' at 20. I can say that from looking all around me.

Anyways, what I want to know is, some think it is just a completely adult act. Like, even if there were no chance of pregnancy, whatsoever, it is just something you SHOULD NOT DO because that is for the big kids, right? Not some silly 16 year old.

And I kind of don't want to go to college and just do it there. I mean, I am going there in a year, meaning I will be 17. Still a teenager.
 

wren

New member
Joined
Jul 3, 2009
Messages
384
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
4
women need to say no to sex until they are comfortable getting pregnant. if not then teenage sex is a bad idea.
 

Lark

Active member
Joined
Jun 21, 2009
Messages
29,569
I reckon the age of conscent being placed at 16 is fair, it prevents the criminalisation of young people who will not heed advice and saves the authorities from arresting and prosecuting those who dont fit the frame of most predatory in nature.

However, that said I do think that people are in fact actually maturing later and later in life, so its ridiculous to debate whether or not sexual activity from as young as 13 years is natural, whether you are physically prepared for a particular life stage or challenge is insufficient criteria by itself to make that judgement.

I would seriously sugget that people need to only embark upon sexual activity when they are ready, which could be 21 or later given a lot of trends that exist (in the UK a lot of people used to leave home, independently earn a living wage, maintain a home/residence of their own and have at least one successful relationship by the age of 17 or 18 but now people are remaining resident in the parental home, often partically or completely dependent upon their parents or the state until their thirties).

This is one of those things, if teenagers are unable to manage relationships well enough to hold down a job, act responsibly, sensibily and cleverly as consumers and meet with all those challenges why should there be cultural acceptability of sexual activity among that population?
 

AphroditeGoneAwry

failure to thrive
Joined
Feb 20, 2009
Messages
5,585
MBTI Type
INfj
Enneagram
451
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
*sighs dramatically*

I really wish I could reply to many of these posts, but that would take way too much time and screen space.

So I am noticing this general trend (don't slap me for stating the obvious)

1) Some people think it is really selfish (It can be, in a way. Under some circumstances)
2) Some people think it is tied to emotion (I, myself, do not. Who want to have sex and expect something major from that act? To me, that is dumb, and that is where many, many girls get hurt. If something comes with it, great. It doesn't come from it. It is a physical thing to me, and I have been thrown into a loop from being told 'you are going to regret this' but I could find no reason as to why this would be so /rant)
3) Some think it is just an act (well...it is and isn't. See above.)

Oh, and I can definitely say one does not become 'sexual' at 20. I can say that from looking all around me.

Anyways, what I want to know is, some think it is just a completely adult act. Like, even if there were no chance of pregnancy, whatsoever, it is just something you SHOULD NOT DO because that is for the big kids, right? Not some silly 16 year old.

And I kind of don't want to go to college and just do it there. I mean, I am going there in a year, meaning I will be 17. Still a teenager.


I personally don't think 16 year olds are silly at all, at least not the ones I know. It's just that there really is a time and place for everything, and at 16 most people are really busy in school, with extracurricular activities, and with their family. Add to this that you will be (leaving home?) going to college in one year, do you want to spend the last year at home beginning your sexual life, and taking on things that might arise from that that you might not be able to foresee? You might never live at home again; this is your final bonding time with your family before heading out into the world--with parents, with siblings, with friends who will go elsewhere, etc. Whereas you have the rest of your life to be sexual, and to experience everything that sex brings with it (which you cannot always foresee).

As for number 2, I remember reading an article when I went to the health dept for my exam, that said that teenage girls and college-age girls were trying to take a new tack in the sexual relationship realm; that they were trying to be more like stereotypical guys in that they were participating in more free sex and one night stands, outside of meaningful relationships, in an effort to be sexually liberated. But the findings of this study were that no matter how much females wanted to be free of the bonds of emotion, they were not in the end. After they had sex, the study found that they yearned for the guys they had slept with anyway, causing the same intense heartache they had been trying to avoid. Many women, no matter how much they think they can, cannot have no-strings-attached sex. So, my point is that it would be better to be a bit more mature (a year or two even) when you do have sex, because you will have more maturity and life experience to contemplate this sort of thing before doing something spontaneously that you just might regret.

Finally, I'd like to hear you explain more about the bolded. Are you worried about going to college as a virgin?
 
Top