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Sense of belonging

Have you ever felt like you belonged somewhere?

  • Yes

    Votes: 14 53.8%
  • No

    Votes: 12 46.2%

  • Total voters
    26

ygolo

My termites win
Joined
Aug 6, 2007
Messages
5,988
Have you ever felt like you belonged somewhere?

Have you ever not felt like an outsider of sorts, struggling to find a place where you can truly be yourself and still be accepted?
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
50,190
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BELF
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I have felt it fleetingly at times, but it usually doesn't last, nor does it go as deep as I would like it to.

I think some of this is just something for me to get used to about myself. Some of us were not made to put down roots in a way that provides so much security. Take what intimacy and acceptance I can get, and not fret about it...
 

cafe

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
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9,827
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INFJ
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9w1
Only with my husband. I belong wherever he is.
 

Maverick

New member
Joined
Apr 29, 2007
Messages
880
MBTI Type
ENTJ
But the fact of not belonging anywhere makes you belong in the group of people who belong nowhere.

Outsiders form a group of people that are insiders when they're together.

You know, it's a bit like the antisocials getting together in the name of anarchy and adopting their own dress code, etc. In the end, you always belong somewhere.
 

Randomnity

insert random title here
Joined
May 8, 2007
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9,485
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ISTP
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sp/sx
I feel like I belong when I'm with my friends. Otherwise, they wouldn't be friends. Also with people I care for significantly.

I never had that feeling until I got to university though. In high school I attributed it to something being wrong with me (and took some warped pride in it, I must admit), but later I realized that it was only the people I was surrounding myself with, along with my attitude at the time.

It's a very common adolescent thing, isn't it?
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
Joined
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But the fact of not belonging anywhere makes you belong in the group of people who belong nowhere.

Outsiders form a group of people that are insiders when they're together.

You know, it's a bit like the antisocials getting together in the name of anarchy and adopting their own dress code, etc. In the end, you always belong somewhere.

Good point... although I am laughing to myself now because INTPc is full of people who do not belong, who then tell other people who doesn't belong with the unbelongers. (e.g., many of the people at MBTIc were told they didn't belong at INTPc... so they're here.)

Sociological recursion -- oh, I'm getting dizzy...

...It's a very common adolescent thing, isn't it?

Yup, that is what I think, now that I am watching everyone else go through this process. Many of the young 'uns at INTPc are in that stage; but once they get into their mid-20's and later, I think the feeling will diminish for most of them.
 

Athenian200

Protocol Droid
Joined
Jul 1, 2007
Messages
8,828
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4w5
I feel like I don't completely belong anywhere I've been, yet I feel that I have something in common with most people as well. I feel understood better by some people than others. It's hard to explain. I would say that I don't belong in a specific place or a group, as much as I belong with people who understand a particular idea, who feel a certain way, similar to the way I feel. But if a place or group contains such people, I'll certainly be drawn to it.
 

ptgatsby

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2007
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4,476
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ISTP
Sociological recursion -- oh, I'm getting dizzy...

It's not really recursion. INTPc is an example of "nationalism". Anyone of the same flag is "included" and anyone who isn't is "excluded". The end result is that group identity is based around symbolism - in this case, INTP. Likewise with nationalism, the insiders are trained to act in accordance to "the customs and traditions" of "the nation". Behaviour is moderated and and deviancy is attacked.

The irony, of course, is that the motto is really "Conform to our expected behaviour and you will be welcomed", the very thing that they are fighting against.
 

ygolo

My termites win
Joined
Aug 6, 2007
Messages
5,988
But the fact of not belonging anywhere makes you belong in the group of people who belong nowhere.

Outsiders form a group of people that are insiders when they're together.

You know, it's a bit like the antisocials getting together in the name of anarchy and adopting their own dress code, etc. In the end, you always belong somewhere.

Not sure. I have found myself in many an 'outcast' group and feel like I am only friends with them in that context (usually a shared interest). I tend to help people out , and them me, in most cases.

It's a very common adolescent thing, isn't it?

Yup, that is what I think, now that I am watching everyone else go through this process. Many of the young 'uns at INTPc are in that stage; but once they get into their mid-20's and later, I think the feeling will diminish for most of them.

It is common in adolescents, but I frankly feel more like I don't belong now (past mid 20's) than I did in HS (I actually almost felt like I belonged, then), College or even early working periods. It is actually a growing feeling, not a shrinking one.

But, I largely attribute this to a growing anti-intellectual culture in the country I live in (and the industry I work for). Since the dot-com bust, there has also been a distinct 'anti-techie' sentiment also (w/ no new boom in sight, that sentiment still pervades). I find it somewhat ironic, since the dot-com types were distinctly not 'techie' but simply greedy (and may or may not have employed techie types).

So, I will continue to hide my thoughts to keep the limited sense of belonging I do have (till an opportunity to be myself arises).
 

miss fortune

not to be trusted
Joined
Oct 4, 2007
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20,589
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I generally feel like I belong wherever I am- it's very rare I feel that I don't belong somewhere (i.e. the dentist's office, Walmart, the house of someone I really don't like). This may have something to do with always feeling like I have claim to the place by being there (like my dog or something) and am merely surveying my territory- I don't know!
 

Apollonian

New member
Joined
Jun 24, 2007
Messages
121
MBTI Type
INTJ
Apparently, I belong in a cubicle creating object-oriented computer software architecture to solve intricate engineering analysis problems. As it turns out, to this end I have met up with a surprising number of my own kind.

My team:
INTJs - 4! (including myself and the intern)
??TJ (posibly IxTJ boss)
IxTP

I must have done something right when I chose my career. However, it is interesting that I tend not to easily "belong" to any group outside of my career and private intellectual endeavors. Finding people outside of work with whom I can easily relate has been a constant struggle, and lately (do to much encouragement at work) my intellectualism has just served to increase the gap. I am presently trying to figure out if that is something that I should worry about (ie not being able to relate as easily with the world outside of engineering).
 

Athenian200

Protocol Droid
Joined
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Apparently, I belong in a cubicle creating object-oriented computer software architecture to solve intricate engineering analysis problems. As it turns out, to this end I have met up with a surprising number of my own kind.

My team:
INTJs - 4! (including myself and the intern)
??TJ (posibly IxTJ boss)
IxTP

I must have done something right when I chose my career. However, it is interesting that I tend not to easily "belong" to any group outside of my career and private intellectual endeavors. Finding people outside of work with whom I can easily relate has been a constant struggle, and lately (do to much encouragement at work) my intellectualism has just served to increase the gap. I am presently trying to figure out if that is something that I should worry about (ie not being able to relate as easily with the world outside of engineering).

No, there's nothing wrong with that. Those are just the sort of people you like and are comfortable being around. I find many people to be rather boring. I can be polite to all of them, but that doesn't mean I always enjoy their company.

I'm rather interested in computer programming as well, although I'm more into Psychology and Philosophy at the moment.
 

aeon

Potoumchka
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Sep 15, 2007
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339
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ENFP
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sx
I belong with my beloved.


Namaste,
Ian
 

Sahara

New member
Joined
Jul 14, 2007
Messages
927
MBTI Type
INFP
I've never felt as if I belonged anywhere. Sometimes I have come close to that feeling, but usually it fades as reality shatters whatever idealised version I was seeing, and I'm back to feeling like a loner and an outsider.
 

ygolo

My termites win
Joined
Aug 6, 2007
Messages
5,988
I am presently trying to figure out if that is something that I should worry about (ie not being able to relate as easily with the world outside of engineering).

I have found that when I meet new people that steer away from the topic of work and what people do for a living makes people more accepting. If they ask, I say something like "I do work." I think they assume I do odd jobs and finds that more easy to accept. I have no clue why this is so.

When (most) people find out that I am an engineer, they say "Oh, you're one of those." Followed quickly by, "You look like an engineer." WTF?
 

Morpeko

Noble Wolf
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Sep 20, 2017
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I have felt it fleetingly at times, but it usually doesn't last, nor does it go as deep as I would like it to.

I think some of this is just something for me to get used to about myself. Some of us were not made to put down roots in a way that provides so much security. Take what intimacy and acceptance I can get, and not fret about it...

Was basically going to say something like the first two sentences here. Sometimes I fool myself into believing I've fit into some group or place, but then I find some sort of "proof" showing that I am not actually a part of it.
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
Joined
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Was basically going to say something like the first two sentences here. Sometimes I fool myself into believing I've fit into some group or place, but then I find some sort of "proof" showing that I am not actually a part of it.

wow, that was from a long time ago. It's weird reading things that sound like me but that I do not remember writing anymore.

Sadly, things have only become more exacerbated since then. I feel less like I belong anywhere than I had at the time.





I guess i would suggest a distinction between how one feels and the reality of it, though. I mean, I do "belong" here... and you do too, Jaune. I see you as part of the forum as much as anyone else. But I know for me, while I can acknowledge that my participation does make me part of a group, I don't feel anything typically about it, regardless (well, except distance and and aloneness). I still feel very alone.
 
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