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  1. #21
    Senior Member cacaia's Avatar
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    5.6% On Edge, 8.3% Engaging
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  2. #22
    TRASH Sung Jin-Woo's Avatar
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    Your attachment style is:

    25% Relaxed, 63.9% Avoidant

    Damn, I knew I was avoidant but not that high.
    Likes Zhaylin liked this post

  3. #23
    The Bat Man highlander's Avatar
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    Got a slightly different score this time but mostly same end result.



    Relaxed-Engaging (Secure): Relaxed-Engaging individuals tend to have good self-esteem and typically find it easy to share their feelings and opinions with others. They spend less time fretting and second-guessing themselves than individuals in the other three quadrants, and they generally find it easy to ask others for help or support when in need. They are usually straightforward and trusting in their relations with others, and their usual state is one of being open, approachable, and relaxed. For this reason, they typically have fewer interpersonal defenses than others. They naturally seek to connect with others while remaining realistic about the transformative power of intimate relationships: Relaxed-Engaging individuals don't expect to be swept off their feet, or to have their entire world turned upside-down by the arrival of some romantic savior or the like - they're already "comfortable in their own skin," so to speak. Instead, they seek to cultivate simple virtues, such as mutual trust and a sense of shared intimacy with others. They generally don't play games, but seek to establish uncomplicated and mutually beneficial relationships.

    Explanation of Quadrants

    Relaxed-Engaging (Secure): Relaxed-Engaging individuals tend to have good self-esteem and typically find it easy to share their feelings and opinions with others. They spend less time fretting and second-guessing themselves than individuals in the other three quadrants, and they generally find it easy to ask others for help or support when in need. They are usually straightforward and trusting in their relations with others, and their usual state is one of being open, approachable, and relaxed. For this reason, they typically have fewer interpersonal defenses than others. They naturally seek to connect with others while remaining realistic about the transformative power of intimate relationships: Relaxed-Engaging individuals don't expect to be swept off their feet, or to have their entire world turned upside-down by the arrival of some romantic savior or the like - they're already "comfortable in their own skin," so to speak. Instead, they seek to cultivate simple virtues, such as mutual trust and a sense of shared intimacy with others. They generally don't play games, but seek to establish uncomplicated and mutually beneficial relationships.

    On Edge-Engaging (Ambivalent): On Edge-Engaging individuals tend to be very good at attracting the attention and admiration of others around them. Generally, they employ one of two strategies to do so:

    The Helpmate: Either these people become very hardworking and effective with regards to their real-life dealings and practical matters, so that they will naturally draw the attention and esteem of others who could use their help.


    The Playmate: Or - more frequently - these individuals attract the attention of others by being extremely charming, colorful, or entertaining. Many have also developed considerable psychological facility for getting under the skin of others.


    In both cases, On Edge-Engaging individuals adopt these strategies because they have a root feeling of ambivalence about others: They feel that others wouldn't notice them and give them their fair due without them being a good Helpmate or Playmate. But at the same time, they also detest others for making them put on this act just to get basic love and validation. In other words, Ambivalent personalities tend to alternate between being sensitive to others and neglecting them; between seeking intense intimacy and driving artificial barriers to closeness in between themselves and others. Some individuals of this type feel a deep-seated sense of injustice towards others for having been made to develop their Helpmate/Playmate persona, instead of just being loved as they are. Because they carry with them this representation of others as being unfair, some On Edge-Engaging individuals may find it easy to excuse themselves from their obligations, or for cheating and/or fudging the truth. In general, Ambivalent individuals tend to be quite good at psychological manipulation and getting others to do what they want, and they often have a high degree of sensitivity and accuracy to other people's emotional states. When in their good graces, being close to an Ambivalent personality may feel like heaven, but once they have decided that you are treating them unfairly, being close to them may easily feel like hell.

    Relaxed-Avoidant (Dismissive): Individuals in this quadrant often take a dim view of others, preferring to keep their distance and guard against invasions of their autonomy and privacy. Relaxed-Avoidant personalities tend to have a strong belief that others are too different from them for truly intimate relations to be worthwhile. They may have a spouse and family, and even be solidly anchored in a stable network of friends and acquaintances, but at the end of the day, they tend to avoid entering into relations where emotional interdependence and intimacy are required. Unlike individuals who fall in the On Edge-Avoidant quadrant, Dismissive personalities tend to be quite content keeping their deepest feelings and views to themselves, and they often have a deeply-held belief that the opinions of others are mildly irrelevant or even second-rate. Consequently, many Dismissive types are often quite good at dissimulating, that is, appearing to share their innermost thoughts, while in reality, they are simply appeasing others without ever letting them come close.

    Independent and proud of it, these individuals can typically achieve remarkable feats of social manipulation and self-restraint, but on the downside, they may have trouble kicking bad habits (such as drinking or smoking) which they can enjoy in solitude and use to comfort themselves, independently of the company of others. They can frequently be unmotivated or lazy with regard to the duties that others expect of them, but on the other hand, they are often very original (since they are not hindered by concerns about having to conform to the expectations of the group). Finally, they also tend to be intelligent risk-takers, since they are at heart relaxed and cool under fire.

    On Edge-Avoidant (Mistrusting): Individuals in this quadrant share the Dismissive type's misgivings about others, but have not developed the armor of coolness and self-sufficiency that allows Dismissive types to live without attachment and bonding. Consequently, Mistrustful types recognize in themselves a need for intimacy and close relations with others, but as soon as they start to get close to others, they also find that they have mixed feelings about the whole ordeal and start fantasizing about breaking it off because they "want their space again." In short, they are neither at ease in solitude nor when close to others. Because of their simultaneous need for and mistrust of intimacy, Mistrusting types have had to spend their lives learning how to skillfully handle other people; continually maneuvering so as to keep others close and available, yet at the same time out of control and powerless to harm the Mistrusting type. Individuals of this type are often high-achieving and competent adults, but on the inside, they tend to suffer from periodic bouts of low self-esteem and be plagued by a sense of hollowness at their core. Mistrusting individuals are frequently very good at finding legitimate fault with others and sniffing out their weaknesses as a way of protecting themselves against being disappointed by others, but on the downside, this hypervigilance also tends to lead to skepticism and overly paranoid tendencies.

    Theory and Approach

    The Horizontal Axis: Relaxed-On Edge

    This axis pertains to the individual's root affection towards themselves. Roughly speaking, individuals who fall towards the Relaxed end of this axis appear self-sufficient, confident, and low in anxiety when engaged in social situations. In short, they give off the impression of being at ease with themselves. By contrast, individuals who fall towards the On Edge end of the spectrum tend to give off an impression of being more vulnerable or concerned than their Relaxed counterparts. In a nutshell, On Edge individuals feel a sense of unease about themselves whereas Relaxed individuals tend to be more at ease. A complicating factor in the precise administration of this axis is that On Edge personalities have often learned to counteract their root uneasiness, for example by being intensely gregarious and charming, thus causing others to believe that they really are Relaxed (whereas in reality, they are overcompensating because they feel that if they did not, others would not notice them).

    The Vertical Axis: Engaging-Avoidant

    This axis pertains to the individual's root affection towards others. As a general rule, individuals who fall towards the Engaging end of the axis appear approachable, open-hearted, and open to forming relationships with others. In short, they give off the impression that one could easily become friends with them and form a relation where they will keep you in their thoughts. By contrast, individuals who fall towards the Avoidant end of the spectrum tend to give off an impression of independence, coldness, aloofness, and of being hard to approach. In essence, Avoidant individuals feel a sense of unease about others whereas Engaging individuals tend to have fewer fears about forming connections with others. Avoidant individuals may give off the impression of being simply private or closed, but according to Attachment Style Theory, this demeanor is really an adaptation; a counterattack against their root feeling of uneasiness about others. (Note that an Avoidant Attachment Style is not the same as an Avoidant Personality Style.)

    References

    Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of attachment: A psychological study of the strange situation. Hillsdale, N.J.: Erlbaum.

    Bartholomew, K. (1990). Avoidance of intimacy: An attachment perspective. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 7, 147-178.

    Crnic, L. S., Reite, M. L., & Shucard, D. W. (1982). Animal models of human behavior: Their application to the study of attachment. In R. N. Emde & R. J. Harmon (Eds.), The development of attachment and affiliative systems (pp. 31-42). New York: Plenum.

    Gacsi, M., Topal, J., Miklosi, A., Doka, A., & Csanyi, V. (2001). Attachment behavior of adult dogs (Canis familiaris) living at rescue centers: Forming new bonds. Journal of Comparative Psychology, 115, 423-431.

    Hazan, C., & Shaver, P. (1987). Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52, 511-524.

    Klopfer, P. H. (1984). Caveats on the use of evolutionary concepts. The Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 7, 156-157.

    Lamb, M. E., Thompson, R. A., Gardner, W. P., Charnov, E. L, & Estes, D. (1984). Security of infantile attachment as assessed in the "strange situation": Its study and biological interpretation. The Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 7, 127-171.

    Novak, M. A., & Harlow, H. F. (1975). Social recovery of monkeys isolated for the first years of life. Developmental Psychology, 11, 453-465.

    Topal, J., Miklosi, A., Csanyi, V., & Doka, A. (1998). Attachment behavior in dogs (Canis familiaris): A new application of Ainsworth's (1969) Strange Situation Test. Journal of Comparative Psychology, 112, 219-229.
    Last edited by highlander; 06-14-2019 at 08:29 PM.

  4. #24
    Macabre Reputation Thestralis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tenebris View Post
    Your attachment style is:

    25% Relaxed, 63.9% Avoidant

    Damn, I knew I was avoidant but not that high.
    Don't feel bad. I got 38.9% Relaxed, 80.6% Avoidant
    They are quite gentle, really, but people avoid them because they are a bit . . . different.

  5. #25
    Cynical Existentialist Earl Grey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tenebris View Post
    Your attachment style is:

    25% Relaxed, 63.9% Avoidant

    Damn, I knew I was avoidant but not that high.
    44.4% Relaxed, 52.8% Avoidant

    I was expecting something like yours, but maybe I am underestimating my distance again...
    WHY ARE THERE SHEEP HERE?
    A cleric who acts like a rogue whose patron might as well be a warlock's
    and whose proficiency spread resembles a wizard's.

  6. #26
    Digital ambition Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Does not compute.


    (you need a partner for this)

  7. #27
    Tempbanned
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    On Edge-Engaging (Ambivalent): On Edge-Engaging individuals tend to be very good at attracting the attention and admiration of others around them. Generally, they employ one of two strategies to do so:
    The Helpmate: Either these people become very hardworking and effective with regards to their real-life dealings and practical matters, so that they will naturally draw the attention and esteem of others who could use their help.
    The Playmate: Or - more frequently - these individuals attract the attention of others by being extremely charming, colorful, or entertaining. Many have also developed considerable psychological facility for getting under the skin of others.
    In both cases, On Edge-Engaging individuals adopt these strategies because they have a root feeling of ambivalence about others: They feel that others wouldn't notice them and give them their fair due without them being a good Helpmate or Playmate. But at the same time, they also detest others for making them put on this act just to get basic love and validation. In other words, Ambivalent personalities tend to alternate between being sensitive to others and neglecting them; between seeking intense intimacy and driving artificial barriers to closeness in between themselves and others. Some individuals of this type feel a deep-seated sense of injustice towards others for having been made to develop their Helpmate/Playmate persona, instead of just being loved as they are. Because they carry with them this representation of others as being unfair, some On Edge-Engaging individuals may find it easy to excuse themselves from their obligations, or for cheating and/or fudging the truth. In general, Ambivalent individuals tend to be quite good at psychological manipulation and getting others to do what they want, and they often have a high degree of sensitivity and accuracy to other people's emotional states. When in their good graces, being close to an Ambivalent personality may feel like heaven, but once they have decided that you are treating them unfairly, being close to them may easily feel like hell.
    Likes Zhaylin liked this post

  8. #28
    ☆ Όνειρα ☆ HoneyBlossom's Avatar
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    Your attachment style is:

    13.9% Relaxed, 2.8% Committed.


    Relaxed-Committed (Sure): Relaxed and committed people tend to have good self-esteem and it is usually easy for them to share their feelings and opinions with others. They spend less time worrying and questioning themselves than people in the other three quadrants, and it is usually easy for them to ask for help or support from others when they need it. In general, they are direct and trust in their relationships with others, and their usual state is to be open, accessible and relaxed. For this reason, they typically have fewer interpersonal defenses than others. Naturally, they seek to connect with others while being realistic about the transforming power of intimate relationships: people who relax do not expect to be swept away, or have their whole world upside down by the arrival of some romantic savior or similar, they are already "comfortable in your own skin," so to speak. Instead, they seek to cultivate simple virtues, such as mutual trust and a sense of intimacy shared with others. In general, they do not play games, but seek to establish uncomplicated and mutually beneficial relationships.
    “ Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves ”

    - Carl Jung ☆
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