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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    INFJ None

    Default Is my friend really an INFP, or more likely to be another type?

    Recently I made a new friend who's a bit older than me (but not much), and we've been getting along quite well. To my surprise, he also has some knowledge of types and thinks he and his other friends are INFPs. I'm pretty confident that I'm an INFP (though I do have some INFJ moments), and I don't want to rule out the possibility that he is one as well, but I have been noticing some key differences in the ways in which him and I process and experience the world:

    1. I wouldn't say I'm particularly good at any hobby or external activity, a lot of me lives inside my head, my feelings, my emotions etc. I tend to be fairly expressive and wordy both when talking and when writing. I have very strong emotions and thoughts but I don't feel a burning need to "channel" them through some kind of activity or outlet, I experience them raw and leave it at that. He has also gone through periods of depression like me, but he tries not to dwell on his strong emotions for so long, he tries to suppress them or make them go away while I fully accept it and harness it as part of myself. He's a lot more artistic and creative than I am, such as making music and reading literature.

    2. He wants to have some kind of career and is more in touch with the "physical" realities of life. He's thinking about applying for grad school as a Health Science major. He's into science and the human body, while I'm not really into anything STEM related, and have no real desire to pursue a career. Neither of us are "religious" in the traditional sense of going to church, but we still consider ourselves to be Christians without the restraints of what we both perceive to be the distortion of the faith by man-made religion. He told me he has trouble connecting with some of his other friends who are churchgoers, and I can totally sympathize with them if I were in his shoes.

    3. He's a bit less emotionally attached and more easygoing than me in daily life. For example, if I feel like I've been wronged or mistreated (including my past with an abusive, often absentee mom), it can linger in my mind, possibly for a very long time. I was talking to him about some of my dark past today, and he asked me if I noticed the strange looks of some of the people around us. I said yes, but it's because so many people suppress and neglect the darker side of their past and of the world rather than accept it and confront it. He said he thinks it's a matter of perspective, and that not everyone would perceive it the way I do. I don't know, perhaps he could be right because my situation while growing up was not exactly "normal" compared to many.

    4. He believes that sometimes you must simply not think too much and YOLO. I am the exact opposite in that I tend to overthink a lot of times, and I don't see myself living without regard for consequences, as much as I'd like to let go and live in the moment more than I currently do. My mind's so full of thoughts, ideas, feelings, fantasies all the time. I risk sounding stuck up and 17th century Puritan-like, but I really don't see myself having fun such as partying and drinking a bit too much. I can be quite tight and strict with myself because I believe in retaining full consciousness and have my "systems" at or near 100% levels of readiness at all times.

    5. Both of us tend to be a bit too forgiving, giving way too much even to those who don't deserve it. My heart melts easily at sob stories (even if they're just people pretending to be friends), and I get compassionate out of a desire to not see the other person suffer in their lives (unless I can feel right away that they don't fit my values). He was also really sacrificial in a past relationship with a girl who did drugs and cheated on him, holding onto her a lot longer than he should have. When I realize I've been deceived or when I finally wake up to the realization of a hopeless cause, I start feeling gloomy about people, the world, everything. I already do, to a large degree. It's my norm.

    6. We talked about the issue of values. I asked him what his core values are, he said he doesn't know anymore. He used to have them but he's lost them along the way. My core values are: Kindness, Truthfulness, Gratitude, Loyalty, Perceptiveness, Individuality (though not the ruthless kind), Faith, Simplicity, Peace, and Vulnerability. I get the feeling he's a lot more okay with not knowing, and adapting to situations. I can be relatively flexible as well, but not in many things. I don't like leading and making decisions, it makes me uncomfortable because I don't like being told what to do all the time, but that doesn't mean I will play along.

    7. He's a bit less open with his feelings, and perhaps more neutral / with less strong of an opinion on many things, I can feel that sometimes I can overwhelm him with the intensity of what I say / feel.

    Overall I feel that he is a nice guy so far and I will get to know him more. I feel that we could complement each other in that I help him recognize, experience, and be truthful when it comes to his emotions, while he tries to "cool down" my inner world. If he is an INFP, could it be differences in Enneagram type (I am $ wing 5)? If he's not an INFP, what type do you think he could be? I'll get him to do some tests again perhaps, if he wants to find out more. )

  2. #2
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2019


    Does not sound like any INFP I know. He’s not nearly complicated enough to be one of us.

    Maybe more INTJ or INTP

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