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  1. #1
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    Default INFJ victimized by a con man

    My first post. I've identified as an INFJ [4w3 sx/so] since my early 20s.

    I've been conned by a sociopath.

    What I'm struggling with is this: how can I reconnect with my intuition?

    As an INFJ, I know intuition is one of my strengths. But it's obviously been blunted.

    It did not serve me in this relationship. I ignored red flags early on. I devoted my life to a con man.

    How in the world does that happen to an INFJ?

    I feel disconnected from my instinct - I have little confidence in my ability to read people.

    How can I get back to my intuitive strengths?
    Last edited by INFJrising; 01-21-2019 at 03:52 PM.

  2. #2
    ∂ιѕgяα¢є∂ ¢σѕмσηαυт Luminous's Avatar
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    I don't have any advice regarding intuition, but wanted to welcome you to the forum, and extend sympathies for your situation. Don't be too hard on yourself. No one can know and see everything.
    ✦ᏖᏒᎥᎮ ค ℓιɬɬℓɛ Ꮭıɠɧɬ ʄคŋɬคʂɬıƈ✦ -: ✦ :- ƒ O ᖇ G E ᗪ I ᑎ ƒ I ᖇ E ❋-: ✦ :-★ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ꜰᴇᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇᴇʟꜱ★
    * •̩̩͙ •̩̩͙ * ⊱9w1✶S✶5w4✶X✶2w1⊰ * •̩̩͙ •̩̩͙ *
    Aka ✧ąŋɠɛƖıƈ Ꮭυɱıŋơų§ ıŋƈąŋɖɛ§ƈɛŋɬ ąυཞą ơʄ ąƖცıðŋ ɖðცɛཞɱąŋ✧

  3. #3
    c'est la vie Obfuscate's Avatar
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    love can be blinding.. when we really want to see the best in someone, we can ignore warning signs... i don't think it is a failing to care about someone... it is a shame he wasn't worth the time and effort, but you can always try again... it may be a good idea to present potential new partners to loved ones; they may catch red flags you miss...

    anyhow, i am sorry things turned out that way...
    "Oh my God, you are a child. If we leave you alone here, you’ll freeze to death, you’ll starve to death.' And so on. It was very exciting for her, taking his dignity away in the name of love."

  4. #4
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    I would say nothing is wrong with your intuition. I'm sorry for your pain but you did see red flag that you ignored, in the future you should give them more consideration.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.
    Likes Consilience, INFJrising, Riva liked this post

  5. #5

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    I think you built a wall to shield you from the truth. You said you ignored the early red flags. That’s the problem with intuition- when confronted with feelings for someone- it’s so easy to turn away from what it’s trying to tell you. The intuition can be whispering or screaming at you but those damn feelings can call you to the rocks like sirens. You want to believe that that nagging feeling that something isn’t adding up is wrong. That nagging feeling is your mind piecing together the blatant warnings and the subtlest of hints into a cohesive report. A pattern of behavior is being evaluated.

    Idk how you tear down that wall of willful ignorance (I’ve definitely built a few in my time). I think your intuition, your instincts are in a state of hibernation because you put them to sleep to shield you from the horrible truth. Then comes the issue of sorting reliable intuition from the paranoia a relationship like you’ve been in can understandably create. You can easily confuse the innocuous and the malignant.

    I guess I would just process the hell out of input, judge what I’m feeling about a person or a situation as objectively as possible. If I get the feeling someone is sketchy what evidence is presenting itself? Have I seen this before? Where? Is it a realistic assessment?

    It won’t be easy and you’ll certainly misjudge at times, you’re human. I wish you the best of luck and hope my post is of some use.
    Likes Consilience, INFJrising liked this post

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luminous View Post
    I don't have any advice regarding intuition, but wanted to welcome you to the forum, and extend sympathies for your situation. Don't be too hard on yourself. No one can know and see everything.
    Thank you for the welcome!

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Obfuscate View Post
    love can be blinding.. when we really want to see the best in someone, we can ignore warning signs... i don't think it is a failing to care about someone... it is a shame he wasn't worth the time and effort, but you can always try again... it may be a good idea to present potential new partners to loved ones; they may catch red flags you miss..
    Thank you for your kind reply. I agree that love can be blinding. We project our own best selves and our wishes on them. I'm learning why I do that. I will be a long healing process ...

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    I would say nothing is wrong with your intuition. I'm sorry for your pain but you did see red flag that you ignored, in the future you should give them more consideration.
    You're right. I did have the intuition back then, I just ignored it.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    I would say nothing is wrong with your intuition. I'm sorry for your pain but you did see red flag that you ignored, in the future you should give them more consideration.
    You're right. I did have the intuition back then, I just ignored it.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Obfuscate View Post
    love can be blinding.. when we really want to see the best in someone, we can ignore warning signs...
    Thank you for your compassion. Yes, love can be blinding. I'm beginning to understand why I have loved blindly in the past and how I can love more authentically in the future.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Population: 1 View Post
    I think you built a wall to shield you from the truth. You said you ignored the early red flags. That’s the problem with intuition- when confronted with feelings for someone- it’s so easy to turn away from what it’s trying to tell you. The intuition can be whispering or screaming at you but those damn feelings can call you to the rocks like sirens.
    Exactly! He lovebombed me hard (maybe you know about this vile process? it's something narcissists/sociopaths do to reel in their victims). Once I dedicated myself to him, my feelings took over and I devalued my intuition.

    Quote Originally Posted by Population: 1 View Post
    I think your intuition, your instincts are in a state of hibernation because you put them to sleep to shield you from the horrible truth.
    Yes, this feels very accurate. Thank you for that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Population: 1 View Post
    Then comes the issue of sorting reliable intuition from the paranoia a relationship like you’ve been in can understandably create. You can easily confuse the innocuous and the malignant. I guess I would just process the hell out of input, judge what I’m feeling about a person or a situation as objectively as possible. If I get the feeling someone is sketchy what evidence is presenting itself? Have I seen this before? Where? Is it a realistic assessment?
    Exactly. I'm going to make some mistakes going forward, I'm sure, and they'll likely be confusing the innocuous with the malignant. Better to err in that direction for a while, I suppose. Thank you for the advice - so helpful!

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