INTP’s and relationships

[nancyyyyy]

I'm an enfp in a strange situation with an INTP. Any ENFPs in a friends/romantic feelings situation with an INTP? Any advice about INTPS in relationships or how they feel about them?

 

[Luminous]

How is the situation strange?

 

[hurl3y4456]

Listen to hoobastank "Running Away"....maybe that will give you the answer. In all seriousness though, the key is to take it slow and show attentiveness and engagement in the discussion at hand.

 

[SurrealisticSlumbers]

More details would be nice. The introvert/extrovert thing can be hard to navigate. Is this a committed relationship?

 

[anticlimatic]

ENFPs are solid matches for INTPs, granted the other more important attributes are already a match as well: maturity, intelligence, chemistry, attraction, etc.

I had a rather extraordinary one in my life, but she wanted to date romantically or have nothing to do with one another. Zero interest in the friend zone- which I understand but also lament, given the very-hard-to-find level of quality in our discourse.

 

[ThoughtBubbles]

I think romantically, the ones I dated got more from me than I did from them, though the mental/physical chemistry was always top notch.

They tend to benefit because they suck at meeting emotional needs much of the time, and the learning curve there is so steep. Meanwhile, you meet their needs easily because you're an intuitive NF.

Also, I've had a few very close friendships with INTPs. I think they might be my favorite type of person.

 

[wildmoon]

I think INTPs & ENFPs can be a great match as long as the other compatibility factors are right. But there will probably be obstacles.
I dated an ENFP and it was lots of fun! A fun dynamic is guaranteed. But it didn't last for predictable reasons. I was too avoidant (and didn't really feel the attraction as deeply as him), he was too overbearing, I preferred friendship over romance and he was the other way around.
I guess if you really, truly want to date an INTP a good place to start would be to show them that you're their friend first and foremost. And be clear with yourself about what you want, because you might not get the amount of passion that you want. Idk, now that I think about it, maybe it's not a good match. But the conversations will always be great.

 

[ThoughtBubbles]

I think INTPs & ENFPs can be a great match as long as the other compatibility factors are right. But there will probably be obstacles.
I dated an ENFP and it was lots of fun! A fun dynamic is guaranteed. But it didn't last for predictable reasons. I was too avoidant (and didn't really feel the attraction as deeply as him), he was too overbearing, I preferred friendship over romance and he was the other way around.
I guess if you really, truly want to date an INTP a good place to start would be to show them that you're their friend first and foremost. And be clear with yourself about what you want, because you might not get the amount of passion that you want. Idk, now that I think about it, maybe it's not a good match. But the conversations will always be great.

This might be gender specific but the INTP males I dated were all really into the idea of being with a girl in a not-so-friend way. I think they already had female friends or expected women to not like them so you had to hit them with a ton of bricks to get their attention.

Female INTPs are socialized completely differently...

 

[hurl3y4456]

I like to think of a relationship as the progression from interview to job....Obtaining an interview implies the initial attraction (standard) is met. Passing the job interview (Obtaining the job) implies you at-least caught their attention in some unique way and offered value in terms of personality traits. Now, keeping the job requires that your energy doesn't dwindle below a certain threshold over time....meaning that you invest time to perform a job with a level of quality which meets the expectation. Attraction is the foundation of the job.....Suppose the foundation crumbles (hits rock bottom). Then of course, you will lose the job. So, it's a positive balance/interplay between the physical and mental that permits future progression of a job. Also, consider the relationship between dopamine and addiction....If you perform the same duties over and over (repetitively) without change, then there will exist lack of progression (static state). Depending on the time, the job may fail to meet the current expectation in regards to the competitive market. Therefore, it may be required to move on to a more fulfilling job. That is, variation (conversation flow, events) within a relationship are a prerequisite for a healthy relationship (fulfilling job).

 

[Coriolis]

I think INTPs & ENFPs can be a great match as long as the other compatibility factors are right. But there will probably be obstacles.
I dated an ENFP and it was lots of fun! A fun dynamic is guaranteed. But it didn't last for predictable reasons. I was too avoidant (and didn't really feel the attraction as deeply as him), he was too overbearing, I preferred friendship over romance and he was the other way around.
I guess if you really, truly want to date an INTP a good place to start would be to show them that you're their friend first and foremost. And be clear with yourself about what you want, because you might not get the amount of passion that you want. Idk, now that I think about it, maybe it's not a good match. But the conversations will always be great.

My INTP took this strategy with me, and it worked. In fact, I don't think anything else would have, but then I am not ENFP. Yes, the conversation is good, and the passion - well, though perhaps not obvious to outside observers, it is satisfying to us, and very private. INTP/INTJ is a good match in having similar expectations in these respects.

 

[Mind Maverick]

Agree with those who've said too vague.

 

[Luminous]

One main issue that is quite likely is a clash between Fi and Ti. And the INTP not understanding your Fi is as important as his Ti.

Also, different levels of expressing emotions are likely.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

One main issue that is quite likely is a clash between Fi and Ti. And the INTP not understanding your Fi is as important as his Ti.

Also, different levels of expressing emotions are likely.

Or, worse yet, the Fi user being irritated by the perceived phoniness of the other's Fe, and Ti struggling to understand what's going on, why and what to do about it.

 

[rav3n]

I'm an enfp in a strange situation with an INTP.

Can you unpack this strange situation?

 

[wildmoon]

Female INTPs are socialized completely differently...

So true. I don’t know any male INTPs in real life but socialization must play a huge part in our development.

 

[Pionart]

I wouldn't recommend ENFP+INTP for a romantic relationship. If many other factors line up it could be ok but the types in and of themselves aren't the best suited for romance with each other.

' That being said, it's common for a female ENTJ to mistype as an ENFP, or a male INFJ to mistype as an INTP, so don't rule things out if you're not sure on the actual types.

(what I'm getting at is that ENTJ+INTP and ENFP+INFJ are the ideal pairings)