Need advice on this male INTJ

[Jaguar]

You just met a guy online who sent you a pic of his dick and you subsequently met him in person. Truly amazing.

I'm out.

 

[Population: 1]

You just met a guy online who sent you a pic of his dick and you subsequently met him in person. Truly amazing.

I'm out.

Haha this made it worth the read alone.

When sending a dick pic be sure and find the lighting and color settings that suit your little buddy best. You only have one shot at a good first impression.

 

[Maou]

Hi, Sorry already for the lengh of the post but hope some INTJ (or other types) can enlight me a little. I met this INTJ through a dating app. He chatted but specified he is too busy for penpals and was eager to rather meet. He even sent me (without request) a dick pic and whilst I am not after sex dates, his profile intrigued me and as a curious female ENFP I decided one day to go check how green the grass. The date was at his place, another thing that made me very nervous and so I spoke a lot. He was composed (sexy), avoiding eye contact but noticing, I have no doubt, as much as he could get a grip on. I can be at times shy and even prude which was the case but I believe he found me cute and seem to have a little smile at all times. Despite my timidity, I know my value and getting guys has never been an issue.

Anyway.. My mind was racing as fast as my heartbeat, I couldn't hide it. Why would I? We then kissed, but (and I never used that word before) very very sensually. It was almost like he kissed me with his soul. Gave me shivers, felt to his mercy almost and strangely calmed me down. We proceeded to his bedroom where we had sex As on his profile he described being INTJ I had read a bit ahead and knew how they value their owntime. Being in his cave, I felt I didn't want to feel like a weight and made a move quite quickly after we finished. He was quite cute, a bit dreaming in his own thoughts but caring in a way/gentlemanish. I was smiling all the way back home and so high up on my cloud I barely slept lol. He texted me the next morning basically to say he hoped I had a good time. I told him I was off this week end if he wanted some distraction but he said he was travelling and would text me back when he's back. I didn't insist on knowing when, my sister is an introvert and I know they hate questions. I sent few messages not really profound but to keep contact, he always replied quite fast. It had been 3 weeks yday so I again reached out to him because not knowing when he would be back had me going a bit crazy, also I was running dry on information about his type on internet, ENFP can obsess.. it is a fact. I was still under his kissing spell and this does never happen to me. I am usually quite self guarded. Anyway, he explained he is traveling, could be work or fun, he has succeeded in life with work it seems and I don't put my nose in his business. I like to keep it light but found out he would be away for 3-5 more weeks. Few hours later I recontacted him and again he replied almost right away however it was mostly debating how he wanted me to send a picture of my boobs lol. I did. First time for everything I guess in life, and surely not my biggest accomplisment but in my mind he felt as I said "worthy". I had then the upper hand to make funny judgement and told him for all I know he is the biggest gigolo in the world. He called me delusional, said we had had sex already and you don't have sex with someone you don't trust and added "you crazy little thing" with a smiley. He also said something about being a sexist, probably half humor but anyway, he also replied "I am not a player. I never lie. But I don't have sex with just one woman. I don't like it. Besides, might be better to get fucked/be friends with a good guy. Than to marry a looser you can't stand". I think he might have been a bit drunk that day whilst he was totally sober when I first met him. I feel also his dad might have been this way towards his mom. Not the first time he used the word "loser" I replied "For sure but there's good guys out there. Not just.. losers xx" He never replied. He also knew I had said good night the message before. I now wonder what to make of all this. I am not sure I ever met an INTJ before. Any insight is welcome. Thanks in advance!

Sounds like he is hinting at some devious beliefs here. What if he is a polygamist? He said he doesn't sleep with just one woman. Self deprecation is also a coping mechanism. So I think he might have confidence issues maybe, in even maintaining a relationship.

 

[Sacrophagus]

What if he is a polygamist? He said he doesn't sleep with just one woman. Self deprecation is also a coping mechanism. So I think he might have confidence issues maybe, in even maintaining a relationship.

She might get closer to the issue by asking him if he ever had any failing relationships before that rendered him unable to commit, thus becoming love avoidant. He might open up to her.
Sleeping with many women is one of the coping mechanisms of men who cannot or are not ready yet to trust someone, or simply disregard the idea of love as some gibberish fairy tale.

Polygamy, however, also encapsulates in its definition polyamory and the existence of many partners who are aware of each other and are seriously committed to the relationship. It's for men who are not afraid of commitment. It doesn't have much credit in this situation.

On the other hand, if she's going to open her legs on the first date for a man she barely knows, why would he even bother pursueing her? She gave him what he wanted. Most sex-crazed men will hit it and quit it at that point.

 

[Forever]

The real question is... what binoculars are you looking through?

 

[Luminous]

If all you want is a fuck buddy, carry on. If you're looking for a more serious relationship with this guy (which it seems like), you may be setting yourself up for failure. You seem more invested than he does. At least he's honest I guess. The biggest red flag to me is an INTJ that would spell loser as looser.

He wants to play the field for ego boost and variety. He has basically implied that. The dick pic should have been the biggest giveaway... nothing wrong with what he's necessarily doing but if you are hoping for more, he's a waste of time.

Agree with these. No need to beat yourself up, but try to take it as a learning experience.

 

[Throughbinoculars]

He wants to play the field for ego boost and variety. He has basically implied that. The dick pic should have been the biggest giveaway... nothing wrong with what he's necessarily doing but if you are hoping for more, he's a waste of time.

I agree with you. I think most of the information on INTJ out on the internet is not relevant for the immature type so I wasn't prepared for such emotional distance to be established so promptly. I value his honesty but didn't agree on his self view being the "good guy". Sounds to me like he's been through a trauma of some kind. Should I waste time finding out if reconcilabe? Probably not :/

 

[Throughbinoculars]

Sounds like he is hinting at some devious beliefs here. What if he is a polygamist? He said he doesn't sleep with just one woman. Self deprecation is also a coping mechanism. So I think he might have confidence issues maybe, in even maintaining a relationship.

I agree with you. It's a way to still gets his needs without getting closed/hurt. He had mentioned a gf in his early chat so that lead me to think he was mature enough for more. Little did I know.. he felt even a bit nervous in bed, also let me think I mattered to him.. heard prestation issue is quite common for INTJ. But yes, i feel his has a huge emotional luggage he's not willing to look at or deal with.

 

[punkermit]

You had sex with a guy you found sexy and he made it clear there is nothing more he can offer. Just move on.

And if you don't want sex dates, do not give away sex dates. MBTI has little to do it.

 

[Tilt]

I agree with you. I think most of the information on INTJ out on the internet is not relevant for the immature type so I wasn't prepared for such emotional distance to be established so promptly. I value his honesty but didn't agree on his self view being the "good guy". Sounds to me like he's been through a trauma of some kind. Should I waste time finding out if reconcilabe? Probably not :/

Nah it doesn't necessarily have to be about trauma.... He could just be trying to rationalize his behavior. There is really nothing to reconcile here. It's just an experience.

 

[SurrealisticSlumbers]

I don't know much about dating apps, but I know enough from your narrative and many others I've heard to know they're not good. If you are really looking for a partner who's going to have the same outlook I'd really look into match.com or a similar website that doesn't have an emphasis on hooking up.

You got played. I'm sorry that happened, but whatever this guy's type is, is irrelevant to him being a complete douche. It's not your problem. Cease contact and move on...

 

[Starry]

dick pics no. I wonder how common it is for INTJs that have dicks to send them... I can't help but think it is quite rare for this to occur but perhaps I'm limited in my understanding here. Still...dick pics are not commonly a prelude to a ltr I don't think... shit perhaps I'm wrong there too idfk. But no this is all quite off (although I did quite enjoy this thread camping I must say).

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

I don't understand dick pics. It'd be like just looking at a photo zoomed in on a nipple. Weird to see body parts out of context like that. I mean, at least show the rest of your body and your face, maybe get a nice pose under some good lighting if you've got the body for it.

 

[Sacrophagus]

OP:

[ details details details details dick pick the main issue query details other details ]



TypoC : Did you just say dick pics?

 

[Starry]

OP:

[ details details details details dick pick the main issue query details other details ]



TypoC : Did you just say dick pics?

Are we doing it wrong? Is that the purpose of this post is to call attention to how we are all doing this wrong or something?


You mentioned a query in your post above and while I may be missing it...I'm not seeing much of one.

Hi, Sorry already for the lengh of the post but hope some INTJ (or other types) can enlight me a little. I met this INTJ through a dating app. He chatted but specified he is too busy for penpals and was eager to rather meet. He even sent me (without request) a dick pic and whilst I am not after sex dates, his profile intrigued me and as a curious female ENFP I decided one day to go check how green the grass. The date was at his place, another thing that made me very nervous and so I spoke a lot. He was composed (sexy), avoiding eye contact but noticing, I have no doubt, as much as he could get a grip on. I can be at times shy and even prude which was the case but I believe he found me cute and seem to have a little smile at all times. Despite my timidity, I know my value and getting guys has never been an issue.

Anyway.. My mind was racing as fast as my heartbeat, I couldn't hide it. Why would I? We then kissed, but (and I never used that word before) very very sensually. It was almost like he kissed me with his soul. Gave me shivers, felt to his mercy almost and strangely calmed me down. We proceeded to his bedroom where we had sex As on his profile he described being INTJ I had read a bit ahead and knew how they value their owntime. Being in his cave, I felt I didn't want to feel like a weight and made a move quite quickly after we finished. He was quite cute, a bit dreaming in his own thoughts but caring in a way/gentlemanish. I was smiling all the way back home and so high up on my cloud I barely slept lol. He texted me the next morning basically to say he hoped I had a good time. I told him I was off this week end if he wanted some distraction but he said he was travelling and would text me back when he's back. I didn't insist on knowing when, my sister is an introvert and I know they hate questions. I sent few messages not really profound but to keep contact, he always replied quite fast. It had been 3 weeks yday so I again reached out to him because not knowing when he would be back had me going a bit crazy, also I was running dry on information about his type on internet, ENFP can obsess.. it is a fact. I was still under his kissing spell and this does never happen to me. I am usually quite self guarded. Anyway, he explained he is traveling, could be work or fun, he has succeeded in life with work it seems and I don't put my nose in his business. I like to keep it light but found out he would be away for 3-5 more weeks. Few hours later I recontacted him and again he replied almost right away however it was mostly debating how he wanted me to send a picture of my boobs lol. I did. First time for everything I guess in life, and surely not my biggest accomplisment but in my mind he felt as I said "worthy". I had then the upper hand to make funny judgement and told him for all I know he is the biggest gigolo in the world. He called me delusional, said we had had sex already and you don't have sex with someone you don't trust and added "you crazy little thing" with a smiley. He also said something about being a sexist, probably half humor but anyway, he also replied "I am not a player. I never lie. But I don't have sex with just one woman. I don't like it. Besides, might be better to get fucked/be friends with a good guy. Than to marry a looser you can't stand". I think he might have been a bit drunk that day whilst he was totally sober when I first met him. I feel also his dad might have been this way towards his mom. Not the first time he used the word "loser" I replied "For sure but there's good guys out there. Not just.. losers xx" He never replied. He also knew I had said good night the message before. I now wonder what to make of all this. I am not sure I ever met an INTJ before. Any insight is welcome. Thanks in advance!

^The bolded is the only line that hints at a query in my mind unless...again...I'm missing something. And if she's wondering what to make of it all (wondering what's going on) even after the dude's flat out said "I never sleep with just one woman"...then what should be the focus?

If you are looking for someone to fuck with no strings attached = score.

If you are looking for something exclusive and deeper = oops.

If you are looking for something exclusive and deeper and want to avoid something like this happening in the future look for unsolicited dick pics when you know nothing of the guy = clue/red flag

 

[RedAmazoneFriendZone]

I think that, like many NF in this case (you are in a state of expectation) you tend to find explanations to justify your feelings.

OF course your reality and future can't only depend on advices on a forum (even with highly VIP people of course...). What is your intuition telling you ? Not your feelings, your intuition.

Your experiment with men will also tell you some words in your dreams... and influence your feminine psyche.

In your case (but I'm not you so... I'll just try to give you a piece of advice on tiptoes), I would stop here. I have some proudness and I'm not submissive. I wouldn't like at all his attitude.

We are all very different, but personally I would feel immediately something isn't authentic (I can swear I feel this energy through your words). As an NF you normally have some standards. Maybe you are young....


But hey girl, be sure I don't wanna judge you or bring on the carpet too much caution if you think it isn't the right thing for yourself.

If you wanna be respected by men, next time this kind of asshole sends you the pic of his "membre viril", think twice.

Maybe you were excited by that and THERE IS NOTHING WRONG OF COURSE . But there are simply and logically the consequences to deal with (men do this to test women you know, don't we test men in our way...)


And if he dares thinking he is intelligent because he sends you such pictures... INTJ or not... No comment. It seems very normal nowadays but anyway there is a message as well through that act, fashionable or not.

If women sleep (so in a way they find this exciting) with men because they send such a picture... what to think... Maybe if I was a man wanting adventures I'd do the same... if that works so well....

 

[Sacrophagus]

If you are looking for someone to fuck with no strings attached = score.

Correct.

If you are looking for something exclusive and deeper = oops.

Correct.

If you are looking for something exclusive and deeper and want to avoid something like this happening in the future look for unsolicited dick pics when you know nothing of the guy = clue/red flag

Wrong.

Let's not play the Saints and Sinners game. Dick pic or not, albeit unclassy and unorthodox way of approaching, it remains a detail. I don't see that as a red flag as long as she was okay with it. If she perceived it as a red flag, she wouldn't have taken the conversation any further. It's about how the relationship takes off from that point onwards.
That red flag is purely subjective, and therefore Discarded.


On the other hand, I've seen relationships turn from lust into solid long term marriages. She shouldn't take our word for it. His promiscuity might be due to arrogance of conquest, just like it might be due to love avoidance. Either way, it's up to her to decide whether or not to pursue this man provided she can see chances of long term commitment happening.
Her decision to not take things further will not be based upon a dick pic, however. That would be preposterous.

 

[Starry]

Correct.



Correct.





Wrong.

Let's not play the Saints and Sinners game. Dick pic or not, albeit unclassy and unorthodox way of approaching, it remains a detail. I don't see that as a red flag as long as she was okay with it. If she perceived it as a red flag, she wouldn't have taken the conversation any further. It's about how the relationship takes off from that point onwards.
That red flag is purely subjective, and therefore Discarded.

This has absolutely nothing to do with "Saints vs Sinners"...it's a dick pic for heaven's sake and can't really tell you much of anything unless you've set a penny next to it or some shit. This is a "What is your focus?" *game*. Now, I don't know what Thoughtbinoculars is looking for...she doesn't say. But like I said...if she is looking for something exclusive and long term...I'm going to ask that she doesn't dismiss unsolicited dick pics that are sent almost like the dude's dropping off a calling card as "just another detail." She would be a fucking fool to do so. This isn't to say she should drop the dude instantly (although I would because I'm more of a "dicks are sacred" kind of gal...like I just wouldn't want every girl on tinder or whatever to have a text of my future man's dick but to each their own)...but it should be taken as a major clue as to what the dude's interested in - come on (you're telling me that if you were communicating with 4 girls online...and one sent you a beaver shot you wouldn't formulate any alternative thoughts based on that concerning her motivations? bs). Follow that with all she indicated followed? He was into her until he got the sense she was looking for more <-is how I would call it. I'm not saying I'm right but why else would he be saying..."better to fuck a good guy than marry a shithead" or however that was phrased.

On the other hand, I've seen relationships turn from lust into solid long term marriages. She shouldn't take our word for it. His promiscuity might be due to arrogance of conquest, just like it might be due to love avoidance. Either way, it's up to her to decide whether or not to pursue this man provided she can see chances of long term commitment happening. Her decision to not take things further will not be based upon a dick pic, however. That would be preposterous.

*IF* she is looking for something long term look for the dude that is sending pics of the modest house he's building himself... or pics of the mountain biking trip he just took by himself... or of a painting he received recognition for. It's all in the focus. (<-I accidently put this part into a quote ha)


Some lust encounters turn into relationships sure. But I think people generally join dating sites so they don't have to fuck around with "what does the person truly want?' anymore. It can just be all out in the open. And for those that missed the first few clues...immediate unsolicited dick pic comes in handy as another tip off.

 

[Throughbinoculars]

I think that, like many NF in this case (you are in a state of expectation) you tend to find explanations to justify your feelings. OF course your reality and future can't only depend on advices on a forum (even with highly VIP people of course...). What is your intuition telling you ? Not your feelings, your intuition. Your experiment with men will also tell you some words in your dreams... and influence your feminine psyche. In your case (but I'm not you so... I'll just try to give you a piece of advice on tiptoes), I would stop here. I have some proudness and I'm not submissive. I wouldn't like at all his attitude. We are all very different, but personally I would feel immediately something isn't authentic (I can swear I feel this energy through your words). As an NF you normally have some standards. Maybe you are young.... But hey girl, be sure I don't wanna judge you or bring on the carpet too much caution if you think it isn't the right thing for yourself. If you wanna be respected by men, next time this kind of asshole sends you the pic of his "membre viril", think twice. Maybe you were excited by that and THERE IS NOTHING WRONG OF COURSE . But there are simply and logically the consequences to deal with (men do this to test women you know, don't we test men in our way...) And if he dares thinking he is intelligent because he sends you such pictures... INTJ or not... No comment. It seems very normal nowadays but anyway there is a message as well through that act, fashionable or not. If women sleep (so in a way they find this exciting) with men because they send such a picture... what to think... Maybe if I was a man wanting adventures I'd do the same... if that works so well....

Hi. To start with, I'm very grateful for any insight and I'm not offended by anyone's opinion. I appreciate you're taking time to respond. Now let me share some light. Yes he did sent a dick pic and it's not elegant but I'm also very sexual as a person and whilst this isn't dreamy it didn't shock me. I like my men with high libido.
He was very curious on what type I was and when I first did the test, sorry to say I was tired and disappointed by people and I got ISTJ to which replied he once had a gf that was it then he went on to number her qualities that would fit on a CV, a bit odd if you ask me but anyway.. His only reproach was "but she wasn't very warm".
Now at the time he met me he thought this was my type but soon made notice I wasn't introvert. Only the next day did I send him the results I had taken two weeks after which was completely different (ENFP) and so I thought maybe he would had not agreed meeting up had I told him. He seemed still interested at that stage and told me he would contact me when back from traveling (~2 months).
Another thing that got me pass the dick pic was that he was a bit nervous in bed imho. I read a lot that INTJ can have prestation anxiety so I almost took it as a compliment. Please don't laugh
I was the one rushing out of his place. I don't even know if he managed to come. When I told him I was restless and had to go he almost had a reflex to hold my hand back on his chest but it was complete nonsense for me to stay and we both knew this. We went smoking on his terrace. He was still very composed but very sweet. I was the one telling him in a cheeky manner that I could show myself to the door and again rushed him as he insisted to follow me and waited for the elevator door to arrive to close his door. I was clumsy silly and while we hugged our face met and I gave him a quick peck. Lol we're both between 35 and 39. Still cute.

Now all my friends ofc think he's a douchebag etc and he might be. Whatever two people experience is always impossible to transcript. I hate to think I'm that naive but perhaps I am this time.
I read a lot about avoidance attachment style and think he fits. I feel the problem lies there but he's also an INTJ and so that's the chapter I wanted to open.

It is true that ENFP perhaps fall in love with an ideal. I don't regret my choices. The highs come with the lows. He seemed good on paper, he seemed good IRL. What do you want me to do? It's in my nature to analyse. Ofc I don't look into changing him but it helps understanding, if anything for healing. And though my instincts perhaps tell me I could get burn, my body and silly heart want to know more about him..Perhaps IF he contacts me this month I will agree on having sex with him. Though those kissings have to stop nothing has been decided. I just know I'm a bit weak for him and so I have to be realistic.