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How to Go from Introvert to Extrovert

Usehername

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Aah. Now that I've got your attention with this title, I'll reference where it's from. Ever read Steve Pavlina's Blog?

How to Go From Introvert to Extrovert

Here he claims how he was originally an INTJ and "turned into" an extravert. What is your take?

Personally, I think he (as a young INTJ) placed an incredibly high value on people; relationships, interaction, etc. and decided it was a skill to master. So because it's such a major value to him, he's "mastered" it and now thinks he's an extravert.


Anyone else with thoughts?
 

Natrushka

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Gee, he makes it sound like introversion is a Bad Thing.

Isn't the difference between introversion and extroversion where you draw your energy from? I can be very extroverted and I can be very introverted, but ultimately I need my Nat Time to recharge and be fit for human consumption again. I don't "hold back" when I socialize, as he suggests those of us failing at extroversion do. I have no problem being social; but I prefer to do it on my own schedule.

He sounds to me like an INTJ who decided he wanted to be good at extroversion. Like when I decided to learn about photography, or snorkelling, or hormones.

I ain't buying what he's selling.
 

rivercrow

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Aah. Now that I've got your attention with this title, I'll reference where it's from. Ever read Steve Pavlina's Blog?

How to Go From Introvert to Extrovert

Here he claims how he was originally an INTJ and "turned into" an extravert. What is your take?

Personally, I think he (as a young INTJ) placed an incredibly high value on people; relationships, interaction, etc. and decided it was a skill to master. So because it's such a major value to him, he's "mastered" it and now thinks he's an extravert.


Anyone else with thoughts?
I was HOPING this was the kind of thing you were going to discuss! Whew!

Yeah, I agree. He's cultivated extraverted skills.

I also wonder if he was shy as well, though. I've met shy extroverts.

Huh--the comments on that blog posting are interesting as well.
 

Natrushka

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You should read the beginning of The Happy Introvert. Common definitions of "happiness" include being outgoing, open, talkative, involved--happiness is equated with extroversion! :doh:

I read the free pages, thanks, crowsie.

Meh. Fortunately (for me, maybe not them) I'm beyond caring what other people think I should be in order to be happy.
 

Ivy

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Finding MBTI was my first step in realizing that there was nothing wrong with me because I was quiet, inward, not touchy-feely, and still (mostly) happy. Three of my four siblings are EXTREME extroverts, and my younger brother and I often feel that we're not as much fun as they are. Oh, well.

To my parents' credit they never made me feel inferior for being introverted, but since when do people listen to their parents?
 

substitute

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I dunno, I don't think it's a good thing to deliberately try to change yourself, unless it's something you want, you believe in, self-improvement rather than just trying to fit in more or live up to others' expectations.

I know that the simplest explanation of how to change from I to E, is simply to give more emphasis and playing room to your secondary function, until you gradually allow it to take over. I know that I used to behave very much like a profile INTP, but in recent years, in hindsight, I can see clearly that gradually increased social activity and external action/influence meant that in order to step up to the challenges, I had to swap Ti and Ne round, then Si and Fe followed suit and swapped too.

To start with it was a difficult and painful learning curve, but now I wouldn't be any other way, and I feel like I've become more truly myself than ever before. If I tell people I meet nowadays that I used to be painfully shy and very quiet and socially unconfident, I have to produce witnesses to back it up because they simply don't believe me and laugh out loud.

But I don't think this is because being an extravert is inherently better. It's more likely that I was always of an extraverted inclination anyway, but through circumstances, forced to introvert myself. All that's happened is that, rather than changing, I've just quit repressing myself and allowed myself to be who I always was anyway. And I think that's just because my life circumstances finally became more favourable to actually being myself, as opposed to previously where I had to introvert to survive, and as an extravert I just wouldn't have been tolerated.

I do think it's important for I's to know how to E, and vice versa, but I don't see any point in trying to become the other, unless you're not happy as you are and are reasonably sure that this sort of thing is at the root of it.
 

curmudgeon

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Isn't the difference between introversion and extroversion where you draw your energy from? I can be very extroverted and I can be very introverted, but ultimately I need my Nat Time to recharge and be fit for human consumption again. I don't "hold back" when I socialize, as he suggests those of us failing at extroversion do. I have no problem being social; but I prefer to do it on my own schedule.

Exactly. If I am in the right mood and I am with the right people, I can be the life of the party, but it has to be on my terms. And I have no plans on cultivating my E so I am always extroverted. That would be exhausting.
 

Totenkindly

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I'm just not convinced one could change a foundational aspect of themselves. We can acquire new behavior, yes, but we can't change our wiring.

It's like saying we can change a VW Beetle into a Lambourghini by stripping down everything and rebuilding on the frame. The frame is different, thus the inherent foundation of the car is different; no matter how hard you try, you won't be able to make the sports car out of the Beetle. You might be able to install some similar gadgets, or paint the car a similar color, and otherwise add accessories, making them similar, but the two cars are fundamentally different.

Considering the E/I thing seems to be a function of how we are wired brain-wise and nervous-system-wise, unless you get a whole new body, you won't be truly changing how the old one works even if you layer some new behavior skills over top the old wiring. The old wiring remains the same.

For me, I can extrovert decently in the right situation... but even time spent where I look completely happy and extroverted drains me energy-wise, and suddenly it's like a switch was thrown, people seem surprised when I suddenly need to leave and go be alone in order to recuperate. I've developed some extroverting skills, but I'm still an introvert. (Just like an extrovert can learn to "go inside themselves" and be alone... but only for periods of time before they need to come out again.)

Diversifying like this is part of maturity, not a change of personality.
 

substitute

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I think I agree with you Jennifer. That's why I lean more towards the explanation of my having always been a repressed extravert, rather than having fundamentally changed - because I don't feel like I've tried to shove round pegs into square holes with myself as I am now - I feel like that's how I used to be, but now it's more like I've quit trying to tack Labourghini parts onto a VW Beetle frame, and am getting closer to being 100% official parts by the week! :)

Well, reason I say "I think I agree" is because this is all very well until I read my journals from way back, and I see a person that I just cannot relate to, who I can't believe was me and wouldn't if I didn't recognise the handwriting!!
 

Totenkindly

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Well, reason I say "I think I agree" is because this is all very well until I read my journals from way back, and I see a person that I just cannot relate to, who I can't believe was me and wouldn't if I didn't recognise the handwriting!!

It's a rather creepy feeling: Every moment of time throughout the long years of our lives, we murder who we were in order to become who we are.
 

substitute

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It's a rather creepy feeling: Every moment of time throughout the long years of our lives, we murder who we were in order to become who we are.

Nah I don't find it creepy - relieving, yes! I'm very relieved that I'm not still that person - they deserved to be "murdered", though I'd phrase it as "put out of their misery and thereby doing a service to humanity"!! :laugh:
 

Totenkindly

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Nah I don't find it creepy - relieving, yes! I'm very relieved that I'm not still that person - they deserved to be "murdered", though I'd phrase it as "put out of their misery and thereby doing a service to humanity"!! :laugh:

"Every moment of time throughout the long years of our lives, we murder euthanise who we were in order to become who we are."
 

wildcat

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Finding MBTI was my first step in realizing that there was nothing wrong with me because I was quiet, inward, not touchy-feely, and still (mostly) happy. Three of my four siblings are EXTREME extroverts, and my younger brother and I often feel that we're not as much fun as they are. Oh, well.

To my parents' credit they never made me feel inferior for being introverted, but since when do people listen to their parents?
Not touchy feely- and not shy.
There was an ENTP around who wrote that he is shy.
And touchy feely- look at those Italians.
 

Opivy1980

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When I was younger I tried to pretend to be extroverted because most of the people I was friends with were. I went to parties constantly and never really had a moments peace. I wanted to think I enjoyed it but eventually it got to be too much and I snapped and stopped hanging out with anybody, now I am just starting to want to go out in public again, but not very often. Denying your true nature because you are different than everybody around you is something to be avoided in my experience.
 

Usehername

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Yeah, I posted this b/c I'm quite certain he's still an INTJ.

(He posts about how much he enjoys time spent alone in his office, etc.) and I thought it'd be a great topic of discussion.


I took that 8 functions test last week; I came up as ENTP. I think this is because I've been consciously and laboriously working hard to improve my weak areas. I like the timing of doing this -- I'm 20 years old; I want to have a full tool kit of life skills.
I know I'm an INTJ; of that I am certain after heavy reading of all the types. (the amount of time I spend alone should dictate the introvertedness regardless...)

But I was actually quite surprised that my Ni was statistically overtaken by other cognitive functions. It's just a test, so I don't hold too much weight on it, but it still surprised me.
 

digesthisickness

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Here he claims how he was originally an INTJ and "turned into" an extravert. What is your take?

my take is that he either still is an INTJ or he always was an ENTJ.

Personally, I think he (as a young INTJ) placed an incredibly high value on people; relationships, interaction, etc. and decided it was a skill to master. So because it's such a major value to him, he's "mastered" it and now thinks he's an extravert.

i absolute agree. the INTJs i know do the exact same thing once they've decided that something is in their better interest, then they 'master' it to the highest degree they can reach.

Gee, he makes it sound like introversion is a Bad Thing. Isn't the difference between introversion and extroversion where you draw your energy from?

maybe to him, it is. and yes, you're right about the difference between the two, but he may be looking at it as something that would benefit him and can be at least faked well enough in order to reach some goal.

He sounds to me like an INTJ who decided he wanted to be good at extroversion. Like when I decided to learn about photography, or snorkelling, or hormones.

sounds that way to me too. the ones i know take their interests seriously. for instance, it's for that reason that when they decide sex is something worthwhile to be mastered that they can work miracles in the bedroom.

I also wonder if he was shy as well, though. I've met shy extroverts.

the ones i know are, but would force themselves to do their best to overcome it (at least on the surface) if they had good personal reasons. as far as shy extroverts, i was extremely shy for a few years as a child, so i agree with that.

When I was younger I tried to pretend to be extroverted because most of the people I was friends with were. I went to parties constantly and never really had a moments peace. I wanted to think I enjoyed it but eventually it got to be too much and I snapped and stopped hanging out with anybody, now I am just starting to want to go out in public again, but not very often.

yes, some of the INTJs i know decided the same thing, then became disillusioned. the reasons were different (unless i was fibbed to), but it seemed to have the theme that people turned out not to be who they seemed. not 'real friends'.

Opivy1980 said:
Denying your true nature because you are different than everybody around you is something to be avoided in my experience.

yes. it's draining. however, venturing out and risking brings growth. we learn more about ourselves, in my experience, when we try. learning our boundaries creates a more self-aware sense of self which of course brings a comfortableness in one's own skin.

i admire the INTJs i know personally immensely. i truly think the majority of them get a bad rap.
 

rivercrow

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I took that 8 functions test last week; I came up as ENTP. I think this is because I've been consciously and laboriously working hard to improve my weak areas. I like the timing of doing this -- I'm 20 years old; I want to have a full tool kit of life skills.
I know I'm an INTJ; of that I am certain after heavy reading of all the types. (the amount of time I spend alone should dictate the introvertedness regardless...)

But I was actually quite surprised that my Ni was statistically overtaken by other cognitive functions. It's just a test, so I don't hold too much weight on it, but it still surprised me.
The catch with doing this is that if you focus on building skills related to less-preferred functions, you are not growing the skills of your preferred functions. Just as "one object cannot be in two places at the same time." ("unless it's a bird or quantum," yes, I know....)

For example. For years I focused on building extraverted thinking and sensing skills because I had to for my chosen occupation. I am literally NOT the same person I was when I was in my 20s, before I made this conscious decision.

A few years ago, I had a series of life crises that kicked me into a reassessment of my self, my skills, and my life. I realized that the stress of relying on less-preferred functions had contributed to me living in the grip of my inferior process. Consciously choosing to return to my natural strengths has been freeing--but I've come to see how my preferred function skills have atrophied.

Forgive me for preaching at you, but I'd hate for you to blindly go though the same painful process I did. Build your less preferred strengths, sure, but be careful you don't fix that mask to your face too firmly.
 

Totenkindly

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Forgive me for preaching at you, but I'd hate for you to blindly go though the same painful process I did. Build your less preferred strengths, sure, but be careful you don't fix that mask to your face too firmly.

it is a good lesson to remember. You'll see it in Leadership philosophy as well: You should focus on your strengths first, because that's where you'll shine and make the most headway, and worry about merely shoring up your weaknesses (and getting others with strengths in those areas to cover you where necessary).

Anyway, I neglected Ti for far too long in many ways and focused on the Ne (and Fe), and now I'm very good at seeing possibilities and finding myself unable to motivate myself to do anything about them. And my thinking is less rigorous, since I got lazy and would just imagine possibilities without really building a good case for their validity.
 

"?"

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I would say that, per Berens' interaction styles "Behind the Scenes" types (INTP,ISFP,ISFJ,INFP) are true introverts, "Chart the Course" types (INTJ,ISTP,INFJ,ISTJ) are true ambiverts, "Get Things Going" types (ENTP,ENFP,ESFP,ESFJ) are true extraverts and "In Charge" types (ENTJ,ESTP,ESTJ,ENFJ) are true ambiverts. I constantly read descriptions for "Chart the Course" types being mistyped as extraverts.
 
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