Obsessed with changing my type!

[Marta97]

So, how to put it...
I've been sitting in MBTI typology for about four years now and I have ultimately come to the final conclusion... That I'm an INFJ. And it hurts. God, does it hurt. Why?
Maybe before I'll start explaining, I'll state that I'm a 20-year-old female with an Asperger's profile (it's a female Asperger's, know the difference).
It means - among all else - that I easily obsess about stuff and have difficulty seeing things in a way different than my internal schemes allow me.
Now, jokes apart, my trouble IS serious. Just after learning about the whole typology system, I've got typed as an INTJ. And after that event, for about two to three years I was absolutely convinced I'm an INTJ. Meanwhile, I learnt about the cognitive functions etc.
I started joking with my best friend - who's an INFP - that Te and Fi are so superior to Fe and Ti - and how 'those' people are some kind of 'underpeople' (we really did joke like this and I felt really confident in it).
But at some point I started to question my being an INTJ (my friend didn't know about it, nor does she know now - she's still convinced I'm an INTJ).
I don't feel like explaining the reasons for my questioning - it was just all a matter of becoming more and more obsessed with MBTI and learning more and more and becoming more and more critical as to my own type recognition.
And over discovering I may not be the type I suspected myself to be for so long (an INTJ), I've become, like, SUPER anxious. Actually, I got into a HUGE depression solely because of it - of the thought of not being an INTJ. And - what's worse - being an INFJ (this voo-doo, mystical whatever type - no offense, this is how I USED to think about INFJs). I couldn't get used to the thought of actually possessing the Fe/Ti pair of functions rather than Te/Fi. And I still can't. And I'm still depressed.
Actually, I'm taking anti-depressants and going to a therapy, yet nobody except me knows anout the real cause of my problem. I'm not joking.
To me, it's like the world falling apart. The thought of being an INFJ makes me not want to live. Again, I'm not joking. I know how funny it may sound, but I'm totally serious and anyone trying to joke about it is going to be ignored by me. I know how many people are also obsessed with INTJ-ism and admire them, it's just that... I can't imagine my life any other way.
I've already bought a few books on typology and developing specific cognitive functions in a hope of 'learning' how to be another type. And since I live in Poland, know it wasn't the least expensive of things to me.
Yet, after only discovering I have EXTREME troubles changing my way of thinking - and thus - my personality type, I've only become more depressed and anxious. Actually, I find it hard to get up from bed and normally function. The only things I think about are literally whether what I'm doing is right or wrong, whether I'm doing things in a Te/Fi way and finally - that I probably don't and I'm screwed for life.
I oftentimes think this is the way transsexuals/people with BIID feel. I just AM an INTJ in my own mind (probably thanks to my Asperger's) and I cannot accept the reality proving my mind wrong.

So, my question is, what do YOU think I might do? Seriously. I was thinking of maybe getting in contact with some sort of MBTI specialist/psychologist with knowledge about the system. Because - really - trying to explain my problem to any of my actual therapists almost seems impossible - I would have to introduce them to all of this and... well, you know.
Of course, if you have any other suggestions, I'd be open. I just want you to know, that I really find it almost undoable, changing my mind in any way. If something was supposed to be some way, it just SHOULD stay that way. That's how my mind has worked since I remember.
All responses are welcome, maybe except for jokes/people trying to convince me to 'just' stop thinking about it. Guys, it's impossible. It's really an obsession and it's almost all I can think about. It's almost a matter of life or death to me, so I'm really speaking serious.
Anyone willing to help - go on. I'm open (I feel like there's not much left for me anyway).
Thanks.

 

[k9a4b]

Just identify as INTJ. I dunno why you're so fascinated with INTJs. From my perspective, INTJs are lil bitches. I'll fuck you up cunt. Now show me your tits

 

[k9a4b]

So, how to put it...
I've been sitting in MBTI typology for about four years now and I have ultimately come to the final conclusion... That I'm an INFJ. And it hurts. God, does it hurt. Why?
Maybe before I'll start explaining, I'll state that I'm a 20-year-old female with an Asperger's profile (it's a female Asperger's, know the difference).
It means - among all else - that I easily obsess about stuff and have difficulty seeing things in a way different than my internal schemes allow me.
Now, jokes apart, my trouble IS serious. Just after learning about the whole typology system, I've got typed as an INTJ. And after that event, for about two to three years I was absolutely convinced I'm an INTJ. Meanwhile, I learnt about the cognitive functions etc.
I started joking with my best friend - who's an INFP - that Te and Fi are so superior to Fe and Ti - and how 'those' people are some kind of 'underpeople' (we really did joke like this and I felt really confident in it).
But at some point I started to question my being an INTJ (my friend didn't know about it, nor does she know now - she's still convinced I'm an INTJ).
I don't feel like explaining the reasons for my questioning - it was just all a matter of becoming more and more obsessed with MBTI and learning more and more and becoming more and more critical as to my own type recognition.
And over discovering I may not be the type I suspected myself to be for so long (an INTJ), I've become, like, SUPER anxious. Actually, I got into a HUGE depression solely because of it - of the thought of not being an INTJ. And - what's worse - being an INFJ (this voo-doo, mystical whatever type - no offense, this is how I USED to think about INFJs). I couldn't get used to the thought of actually possessing the Fe/Ti pair of functions rather than Te/Fi. And I still can't. And I'm still depressed.
Actually, I'm taking anti-depressants and going to a therapy, yet nobody except me knows anout the real cause of my problem. I'm not joking.
To me, it's like the world falling apart. The thought of being an INFJ makes me not want to live. Again, I'm not joking. I know how funny it may sound, but I'm totally serious and anyone trying to joke about it is going to be ignored by me. I know how many people are also obsessed with INTJ-ism and admire them, it's just that... I can't imagine my life any other way.
I've already bought a few books on typology and developing specific cognitive functions in a hope of 'learning' how to be another type. And since I live in Poland, know it wasn't the least expensive of things to me.
Yet, after only discovering I have EXTREME troubles changing my way of thinking - and thus - my personality type, I've only become more depressed and anxious. Actually, I find it hard to get up from bed and normally function. The only things I think about are literally whether what I'm doing is right or wrong, whether I'm doing things in a Te/Fi way and finally - that I probably don't and I'm screwed for life.
I oftentimes think this is the way transsexuals/people with BIID feel. I just AM an INTJ in my own mind (probably thanks to my Asperger's) and I cannot accept the reality proving my mind wrong.

So, my question is, what do YOU think I might do? Seriously. I was thinking of maybe getting in contact with some sort of MBTI specialist/psychologist with knowledge about the system. Because - really - trying to explain my problem to any of my actual therapists almost seems impossible - I would have to introduce them to all of this and... well, you know.
Of course, if you have any other suggestions, I'd be open. I just want you to know, that I really find it almost undoable, changing my mind in any way. If something was supposed to be some way, it just SHOULD stay that way. That's how my mind has worked since I remember.
All responses are welcome, maybe except for jokes/people trying to convince me to 'just' stop thinking about it. Guys, it's impossible. It's really an obsession and it's almost all I can think about. It's almost a matter of life or death to me, so I'm really speaking serious.
Anyone willing to help - go on. I'm open (I feel like there's not much left for me anyway).
Thanks.

Change your fucking type to INTJ not INFJ you god damned idiot

 

[Zeego]

Why not at least try to change your type? Think about what the behavioral traits are in FPs/TJs that makes you admire them and work on cultivating those traits in your own behavior.

 

[SurrealisticSlumbers]

Actually, I'm taking anti-depressants and going to a therapy, yet nobody except me knows anout the real cause of my problem. I'm not joking. To me, it's like the world falling apart. The thought of being an INFJ makes me not want to live. Again, I'm not joking. I know how funny it may sound, but I'm totally serious and anyone trying to joke about it is going to be ignored by me.

It's good that you have recognized that this is a problem for you, and good that you are reaching out for help... I would urge you to continue your therapy and also to break out of that obsessive thought loop by engaging in a hands-on activity, or taking up a hobby that distracts you. You are only 20 and yes, I believe you may be struggling with some very unpleasant symptoms of your AS, coupled with some real insecurity issues. As a 20 year-old you might not have the frame of reference right now to see this in the proper light... Through this forum I have met some cool people who have offered differing, helpful perspectives but let me just tell you as a new user, that there is a definite dark side to the whole typology thing. Beware the cult of typology. It is not a perfect science - actually, it is considered little more than a pseudo-science by many psychologists... Far from being a part of standard practice or in the canon of works/theories that a psychologist would be required to study. Among those who study neurology, these typings amount to little more than a "pop psych" framework, a general set of traits, for people to identify with and work towards self-awareness and self-betterment. Well, in case no one told you, people (including you!) are much more than whatever Myers-Briggs type they scored on some online test. And, thank goodness for that. If someone was a textbook INTJ every minute of the day, in every situation, with zero variation from that premeditated "script," that would just suck any intrigue, any mystery out of an interaction with that person, wouldn't it?

You are smart to see this as an issue that must be dealt with, and I don't believe you are joking. I believe you need help and I hope you get it. I am also not encouraging illegal activity, as I don't know where you live, but have you thought about using entheogenic plants to break out of these obsessive thought loops? Depending on where you live, under medical guidance you can opt for this, and it may help more than the pharmaceuticals you have been taking.