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  1. #1
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    Default HELP assessing my chance and relationship with an INTP guy

    • I'm an ISFJ-A woman and I met an INTP-A guy online. He's from Mexico and I'm Asian. He messaged me first on a dating app and from there we started talking to each other everyday since January 2018. I had him take the MBTI test to know his type, that's why I'm sure he's INTP. We clicked and he was the first one to admit he likes me and he's falling for me, he said it's hard for him to open up emotionally but I make it easy for him. At first, we're having great time but it started to go downhill when he changed all of a sudden- reduced messages and he's not sweet anymore. I always tried to understand where he's coming from, but I really can't help asking him sometimes if he's seeing or talking to another girl. He always said No. Said he's just really busy with his film project. What I like about him is he still make time to send me a short message or a voice note everyday and he always answer my texts(after an hour or so if he is really busy but fast when he's not). The major issue we had so far is I found out that he lied to me about his ex. Back in January, I asked him about pictures of a girl I saw on his IG and said the girl is just his uncle's friend and he doesn't even know the girl personally. My intuition back then is telling me something is amiss and I found out I was right. He is friends with the girl on Facebook and when I visited the girl's profile, found out he even liked some of her photos. I told him about it and asked him why he lied. He only said that she's just his ex and it's not important. But I was deeply hurt by that so I asked him to talk to me over a phone call instead. He agreed and we talked over a phone call, and I explained everything calmly and rationally- the way I think he will understand. He said he can't understand why the girl is a big deal to me but I explained that the fact that he LIED is what's bothering me. He said that he already told me the truth about her and maybe I just forgot. But I am sure he lied about it. So I told him that I hate lies because I have always been honest and it will be better if he will tell me the truth if I ask him questions rather than lie to me in the future. He said he understand and he said that he is sorry for that. He opened up that he hate that I did that just to find out something (snooping on to his profile and the girl's profile LOL) and I said I'm sorry it's just that I really did not believe his explanation about it and that's all, and he said that I don't have to say sorry because I'm a good person and it's his fault. He thanked me for our conversation, and said he's glad we're talking like that about our issue. After discussing everything, he told me that maybe I need someone who is from my country who can always be with me physically, because he feel like I always need someone to talk to, and said he's so busy and he doesn't want to make me unhappy and that I deserve his best and he doesn't want to argue with me everyday or everyweek about not having time. I understand his point but I know that I understand him when he's busy, and I am not the type of girl who will send him texts in a row. A goodnight/goodmorning messages are enough for me. He said that he really likes me, likes me still, and he's falling for me, and he thinks I am amazing, strong and a perfect girl, but he said I need to think and decide if this is the kind of relationship I really want. So I told him that he is right and we need to take time away from each other for now, because I need to think things through. Before I ended the call, he even attempted to have a sexual intimacy with me (we're comfortable doing sexting) saying that it's the last time we'll do it before I'll be gone for a time. But I had to go back to work so I just ended the call and I can feel in his voice he's quite sad. I even uninstalled my whatsapp for now while taking my time. My last text is a hint that I'll be back when I'm ready and has made up my mind, and his last text is "I promise, I'll wait for you." Sorry for a very long post, but I just really need to get your opinions about our relationship. And btw, he is planning to come visit me in June.
      Thanks in advance!

  2. #2
    Member ugghh's Avatar
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    I wouldn't think that "it's not important" is a good enough reason to lie to a partner, and trust is absolutely essential in any long distance relationship. Him expecting you to go along with his opinion of what is or isn't important for you to know rather than being honest with you is unreasonable. Hates prying is reasonable, but he should also recognize that he put you in a tough spot - since you realized that you were being deceived the rational thing for you to do was to pry. It sounds to me like he wants to have things his way and refuses to take responsibility for his own actions until he was forced to do so. I'd dump the guy, but ofc you need to make your own decision.

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